Category: Top Stories
Evil Again Seeps Into Our Lives (Not the IRS This Time Either)
Ding dong the witch is back! Blown in by a rouge wind from the north, the bitch whom I literally can’t stand returns. Even my hopes that the wretched bowel movement of life Roger Ailes would not have any future…
Power Wheels Offer Green Solution
NEW YORK- Mattel, parent company of the popular toy brand Power Wheels, has announced their bid in to the economic future of this country. They have announced a partnership with the Ford Motor Company to begin selling Power Wheels on…
North Carolina Outlaws Free Thought
A new bill was introduced today in the North Carolina senate to outlaw the human thought process. This bill was in response to the recent “Moral Monday” protests that have caused havoc in the state house. With the recent changes…
Obama Drones on about Unmanned Aerial Vehicles
Drones actually are the “cure-all” for terrorism. At yesterday’s presidential press conference, President Obama talked for an abnormally long time about policy shift in his administration’s use of unmanned aerial vehicles in the war against terrorism. The president’s statements effectively…
Plumbers Rush to Stop NSA Leak
FORT MEADE – After gaining word of a tremendous NSA leak, plumbers in Staten Island and across the country dashed to Maryland in hopes of averting an insurance claim disaster. Led by Joe Wurzelbacher and John McCain, the group of…
Michele Bachman Comes Out as Eggplant
ST. PAUL – Democrats and Republicans alike are in shock after famed Congresswoman Michele Bachmann announced her exit from the closet as a proud American Eggplant. The move, which came after her recent decision not to seek reelection to the…
Chick-a-Day Offers “Renewable” Baby Pets
Want to get your daughter an adorable baby chick or bunny, but worry about what will happen when it’s no longer cute? This Connecticut company has the answer; just get a new one every week. Emma Stearner turned eight on…
McDonald’s Fry Cook Filibusters Angry Manager to Avoid Getting Fired
PITTSBURGH — Local McDonald’s “Fryolator” Operator Terrance Yerkovski, in an effort to avoid losing his job, has been filibustering his manager for the past 72 straight hours. The filibuster, in which the 22-year-old Yerkovski is currently barricaded in the employee…
Employee of the Month Won’t Shut Up About It
INDIANAPOLIS – Having won the ‘Employee of the Month’ award for October, Mulgrove Computer Services agent Matthew Wilcox just will not shut the hell up about it. The 43-year-old customer service agent, who won the award for “highest attainment of…
The Latest Thing In Human Evolution- Interchangeable Body Parts
According to Genesis God made man out of the dust of the earth and woman out of Adams rib- not an especially impressive start. But in the thousands of years since then things have changed and so have we humans….