Employee of the Month Won’t Shut Up About It

INDIANAPOLIS – Having won the ‘Employee of the Month’ award for October, Mulgrove Computer Services agent Matthew Wilcox just will not shut the hell up about it.

The 43-year-old customer service agent, who won the award for “highest attainment of company call volume goals,” continues to slip his recent accolade into team meeting discussions, casual conversation with colleagues and small talk with the company’s cleaning staff.

“Did you hear that management is offering time-and-a-half this Saturday?” Asked Wilcox to fellow worker Michelle Bryant. “Also, did I mention that I won Employee of the Month for the first time? It’s only a stupid little award, but I get to choose my parking space for the whole of October, which is awesome.”

Wilcox has also found every conceivable way to mention his success to customers, as if to assure them that they are speaking to an expert.

“Thank you for calling MCS, my name is Matthew, the company’s employee of the month, how can I help you today,” said Wilcox at the beginning of his most recent 500 calls. “That’s right, they gave me this little award for being the best worker. But that’s not important; what matters is you – the customer. So, how can I help you?”

Meanwhile, fellow employees have started to express concern that Wilcox is getting too big for his britches.

“It’s getting a bit old now,” said colleague Andrea Bentham. “I can understand that Matthew is proud of receiving such an honor, but he just hasn’t stopped talking about it in three weeks. I just hope he doesn’t win it for November.”

Author: Laurence Brown

Laurence Brown is an award-winning comedic journalist based in Indianapolis, Indiana, who has edited several satirical news papers since 1999. Hailing from the United Kingdom, he has also written plays and short stories. He has a bachelor's degree in English and Creative Writing from Lancaster University. This article was originally published by The Indy Tribune.