Category: Top Stories
Putin Drags Russia Back To The Czarist Times
We thought the Cold War was over. Now Vladimir Putin has taken his nation back beyond that to the time of the Czars. He himself is the new Czar. No joke. The man who tried so hard to show the…
Americans Debate Whether they Get Stuff Done
Dateline: WASHINGTON—Politicians rallied on Get Stuff Done Day, to reassure the American people that their government is in working order. Many boasted of their accomplishments while in office, describing in great detail the stuff in question.
New Study Shows the Mexican Cartel to Be “Bunch of Homos(exuals)”
A new study done by the Political Association of Immigration Soldiers and American Students reveals the Mexican Cartel, the same people that love to molest its house rats (no, not their children), to be having mass intercourse with one another.
White House Laments Roosevelt Didn’t Have #HitlerSucks in 1940’s, Could Have Shortened War
Washington D.C. – Sixteen year-old White House Spokesman, Jay Carney, commented in today’s presidential press briefing that it was a shame the Roosevelt administration didn’t have the benefit of hashtags in the early days of World War II so they…
Koch Bros. Buy Democratic Party, Harry Reid Short Circuits
Washington, D.C. – The Koch Brothers have had it with Harry Reid, the Senate Majority Leader from Nevada, and his constant railing against the brothers every time he props himself up against the podium on the floor of the Senate…
Brazil’s Economy Skyrockets in Soccer Tournament; Millions of Wallets Stolen
The 2014 FIFA World Cup event will be a beneficial factor that will help Brazil with its not-so-good economy, at least that’s what Hispanic skinhead, Pitbull, had to say about it. Hispanic, cancer man later went on to gibber on…
Lorde Accuses Papparazzo Of Taking Pictures Of Her In Public
Age ambiguous, teen pop music sensation Lorde, took to twitter this weekend to accuse a paparazzi photographer of maliciously taking photographs of her in public. “This man has been stalking me, photographing me in public and refusing me my God…
Japanese Accused of “Fat-Shaming” Godzilla, Warner Brothers of “Cultural Appropriation”
As the film Godzilla approaches it’s US May 16th debut, the grievance industry got started early when the internetz and blogosphere exploded late Friday after a new trailer of the movie was released by Warner Brothers. Japanese fan groups accused…
Congress Declares Global War on ‘The Heebie-Jeebies’
WASHINGTON—On Monday, Congress unanimously approved the Authorization for Use of Force against Unpleasant Lifeforms (AUFUL) joint resolution, effectively declaring war on what the Obama administration calls “the heebie-jeebies.” After signing the resolution into law, the president will have full authorization…
Anderson Cooper Vows to Snorkel Indian Ocean to Find MH370, Boost Ratings
Atlanta – CNN, in their never ending coverage of the missing Malaysian plane tragedy, thinks they have figured out a way to keep the story interesting, boost ratings, and possibly videotape the disappearance of one of their most beloved personalities….