Category: Biz News
Seuss Estate Files For Restraining Order Against Vuvuzela Manufacturer
HOOVILLE, Nova Scotia (GlossyNews) — The estate of Dr. Seuss has filed a restraining order against the manufacturer of the plastic horn known as the Vuvuzela, claiming copyright infringement. The order, handed down in the National Court of South Africa,…
We Are Taking Over This Website To Show You This Message
A MESSAGE TO THE CITIZENS OF THE UNITED STATES Official notification is hereby given by venue of this website to all citizens of the United States that the government of said land is dissolved and that the entity formerly known…
Disney Tries Bold Corporate Takeover Of Entire Worlds Of Fantasy
Disney Corporation has made another great stride in its endeavor to control all possible realms of consumer fantasy. With a buyout of $4 billion in cash and stocks, the great Mickey has bought the upstart Marvel Comics franchise, the famous…
Brazil Economists Say Brazil Loss is Victory for Brazil Economy
RIO DE JANEIRO, Brazil (GlossySports) -– While almost every Brazilian is saddened by the stunning loss of their team to the Netherlands in the quarter-final match, economists in Brazil are celebrating unabashedly, claiming that the loss has a decidedly silver…
Chicago’s Famous Wrigley Outsources Its Mints to Canada – The Horror
CHICAGOLAND, Illinois (GlossyNews) — The horror! The horror! This is a quote from Heart Of Darkness by Joseph Conrad, the short story that inspired the movie Apocalypse Now. It is also a quote on the tongues of many Chicagoans when…
Obama Imposes Shopping Cart Safety Measures for Kids
BALTIMORE, Maryland (GlossyNews) — The Obama Administration, in another unprecedented exercise of governmental control, has ordered the Consumer Protection Agency to implement sweeping new safety codes to protect children in shopping carts. The strict new rules will carry the force…
BP Creates Culinary Division to Sell Turtle Meat
CHALMETTE, Louisiana (GlossyNews) — Add abysmal stock prices to the $20 billion escrow fund and BP’s existing $2.35 billion clean up tab, and you begin to realize how quickly deep pockets grow shallow. The Deep Horizon oil spill in the…
Obama Hires Nigerian to Enact Wall Street Reforms
WASHINGTON, D.C. (GlossyNews) — President Obama, in a move to gain public trust after a series of disastrous missteps over his symbiotic relationship with Wall Street, has hired a Nigerian barrister to enforce newly proposed Wall Street regulations.
Worried Investors Turn to Aluminum
Arkadelphia, AR (GlossyNews) — As fears of a sluggish recovery keep stock markets anemic, more investors are seeking safe haven in aluminum; a metal some call the new platinum. The shift comes as a surprise, even to Wall Street insiders….
Top 2010 Investment Tips
New York, NY (BNSE) — Expectations for significant economic growth are foreseen in the second half of 2010, according to a blue ribbon panel of financial, economic, and business leaders. Despite uncertain global economic conditions plagued by mounting international sovereign…