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Do Canadians Really Exist?

Do Canadians Really Exist?

Do Canadians really exist? Yes, that is my question. Is there really such a whimsical folk who believe in such things as mounted police wearing red uniforms and modified cowboy hats, water wells with hand pumps, pancakes made with milk fresh from the cow, and wood burning stoves? Or are they, like so many other famous creatures, folks and fairies of legend simply a product of someone’s over-inventive fantasy? Continue Reading

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Posted in Strange People, Travel2 Comments

Cuba Sees Future in Tourism

Cuba Sees Future in Tourism

Posted by your South America correspondents, Maria and Consuela Lopez.

Beleaguered, nearly forgotten Cuba has announced another wave of economic reforms. Under the new guidelines, citizens can operate small businesses, hire employees, and rent property for American currency. Analysts attribute the moves to Raul Castro’s leading the island nation away from Marxism in response to rapidly changing market forces.

No kidding, that is how print journalists really talk? It’s nothing but a bunch of meaningless self-important sounding drivel! Continue Reading

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Posted in Top Stories, Travel0 Comments

Newsweek Purchased by Finnish Tourism Dept for $1

Newsweek Purchased by Finnish Tourism Dept for $1

Finland, that land of perpetual daytime, when it isn’t night 24 hours a day — known for snow, reindeer, hot tubs, saunas and, I guess, other things, was in the news this last week.

In a story that barely made the news this month we found out that Newsweek was sold to an investor for the suspicious sum of $1. What has been more thoroughly covered was the Newsweek report that Finland is the #1 country in the world. It seems the mystery is solved, as the transaction was brokered by the Finnish Tourism Council. Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Travel0 Comments

Bjork, Pirates, Determined To Help Iceland Out of Economic Hardship

Bjork, Pirates, Determined To Help Iceland Out of Economic Hardship

REYKJAVIK, Iceland (GlossyNews) — Pop singer Bjork (pronounced BEE-YORKKKKK, just like you are upchucking a bad pizza), always a fountainhead of new and eccentric ideas, has decided to help alleviate Iceland’s terrible economic problems.

Iceland, long a self reliant land, made a bad mistake by investing heavily in British stocks which plummeted in value during the current recession. Iceland teeters on bankruptcy. Continue Reading

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Posted in Travel, World News0 Comments

Chicago’s Famous Wrigley Outsources Its Mints to Canada – The Horror

Chicago’s Famous Wrigley Outsources Its Mints to Canada – The Horror

CHICAGOLAND, Illinois
(GlossyNews) —

The horror! The horror!

This is a quote from Heart Of Darkness by Joseph Conrad, the short story that inspired the movie Apocalypse Now. It is also a quote on the tongues of many Chicagoans when they found that their Life Saver mints, a product staple of the eternal Wrigley Company, a bastion of Chicoagoan enterprise, is now being made in Canada.

The horror! The horror! Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Travel0 Comments

Movie Review: ‘South of the Border’ is Dumb

Movie Review: ‘South of the Border’ is Dumb

Posted by your South America correspondents, Maria and Consuela Lopez.

RIO DE JANEIRO, Brasil (NovedadesGlossy) US opening weekend, the new Oliver Stone documentary grossed $21,545. Don’t let that low gross fool you; this film is highly gross. It’s grosser than naked pictures of Woody Allen.

The movie is Mr. Stone running around South America talking to politicians. Talk, talk, talk and it goes on for hours like that! Oh sure, there’s a little bit about some villages getting electricity, and that is a great thing. When I imagine those poor girls living in villages without blow driers, it about makes me cry. Don’t be thinking there’s much of that in ‘South of the Border’ though. It’s mostly ugly fat guys talking. Continue Reading

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Posted in Talky Pictures, Travel0 Comments

Airport Screenings to Include CT Scans, MRIs, Dental Cleanings

Airport Screenings to Include CT Scans, MRIs, Dental Cleanings

WASHINGTON, D.C. (Glossy News) — Last December, following a foiled terrorist airline attack, airports implemented full body scans, prompting many air travelers to wonder what additional security procedures they would have to endure. The wondering can stop. Yesterday, the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) announced a comprehensive battery of new health care-friendly airport screenings. In addition to full body scans, air travelers will now be able to get free CAT scans, MRIs, dental cleanings and even yearly physicals while going through security. Continue Reading

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Posted in Health, Travel0 Comments

Woman Sues Google After Attempting to Cross Street

Woman Sues Google After Attempting to Cross Street

Reno, NV (GlossyNews) — A Reno NV woman became the second person to sue Google because of an issue with Google Maps. Similar to an earlier action in Park City, UT, the woman, Eustancia Dumas is suing Google for poor directions related to the walking instructions Google offered. The woman claims that Google did not go into enough detail about how to cross the street.

Ms Dumas, who recently moved to Reno, consulted Google Maps to find a route to the local Piggly Wiggly. Dumas, who doesn’t drive and usually has others deliver her groceries, decided that the store was close enough for her to walk. She consulted Google Maps to offer her a walking route to the store, which was 3/4 of a mile down the sidewalk on the same street. Continue Reading

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Posted in Technology, Travel0 Comments

American Expatriates in Mexico Feeling Sting of Arizona Law

American Expatriates in Mexico Feeling Sting of Arizona Law

Todos Santos, Mexico (GlossyNews) — American baby boomers, flush with money, have been making their way down to Mexico’s Baja coast for a decade or more as expatriates trying to escape the high cost of living in the United States. They’re doing anything they can to make their retirement dollars stretch while, at the same time, enjoying a better-than-average lifestyle by the ocean. So you can understand why they are more than a little peeved at their cousins still in the north, back in Arizona, who have taken it upon themselves to make things very difficult for Americans choosing to live south of the border. Continue Reading

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Posted in Travel0 Comments

Airline Passengers Share Drop-Down Tray without Consulting Lawyers

Airline Passengers Share Drop-Down Tray without Consulting Lawyers

Salt Lake City, UT (GlossyNews) — Delta Airline passengers Cynthia Grey of seat 7D and Ed Towson of seat 7F each laid joint tenancy claims to the drop-down tray table in the unoccupied center seat between them upon take-off from Chicago’s O’Hare Airport.

The non-verbal, unwritten agreement was established hastily and without negotiation, just seconds prior to the delivery of Grey’s orange juice and honey roasted peanuts and Towson’s Pepsi and pair of Jim Beam mini bottles. Neither party opted to consult with legal counsel. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Travel0 Comments

Phoenix Hoping to Become New Mecca for Metrosexuals

Phoenix Hoping to Become New Mecca for Metrosexuals

Phoenix, AZ – Now that Phoenix is ridding itself of its “melting pot of the Southwest” image, its Chamber of Commerce is doing everything it can to attract metrosexuals to their fair city—if you have to ask, you’re not welcome. “We are now looking to woo men who are well-groomed, well-dressed, and well-spoken, especially well-spoken,” said Chamber president, Rex Underscore. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Travel1 Comment

Studies Reveal: Brazil is Mostly Jungle

Studies Reveal: Brazil is Mostly Jungle

May 8, 2010: Posted from a secure, undisclosed location by Glossy News South American correspondent in hiding.

In a Glossy News exclusive, this reporter has learned most of the population of Brazil is concentrated in coastal areas, and the land mass is overwhelmingly some kind of rain forest or something.

Inland Brazil, which is really really big–you’d be surprised–offers no Wi-Fi access or good places to eat. Continue Reading

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Posted in Travel0 Comments

Child Labor Ring Uncovered at JFK Airport

Child Labor Ring Uncovered at JFK Airport

Queens, NY (GlossyNews) — One of the nation’s largest airports, JKF International, is being shut down temporarily while the FAA investigates allegations of an underground child labor ring being run through the New York location.

This comes less than a week after evidence was found that a veteran air traffic controller had allowed his children to direct planes for him. That news shocked many in the airline industry and prompted a full blown investigation. It was while looking into that case that investigators stumbled upon the supposed child labor ring, FAA investigator Christopher Draper said. Continue Reading

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Posted in Society, Travel1 Comment

Is The Green Zone In Baghdad The New OZ?

Is The Green Zone In Baghdad The New OZ?

The Green Zone, that huge, walled off section of Baghdad occupied by US military and civilian operations, has been renamed ‘The Emerald City’ after the fabled city in the movie ‘The Wizard of Oz’.

The Green Zone functions like a first world country having 24 hour electricity, water, sewage treatment and Continue Reading

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Posted in Travel0 Comments

Famously Tall Playground Delights Children, Actuarials

Famously Tall Playground Delights Children, Actuarials

In the heart of the coolest part of Missoula, Montana, and I assure you such a place can and does exist, is a playground park like no other I’ve ever seen. When I say it’s the tallest playground ever, I am so beside myself I can’t possibly be expected to back it up with facts or figures. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Travel1 Comment

In True American Form, Hawaii Renamed “Bob Islands”

In True American Form, Hawaii Renamed “Bob Islands”

In a tradition that dates back to the time of the first white European navigators, the federal government, composed mostly of old white men, will change the name of the Hawaiian islands to something more Aryan- they will be renamed the ‘Bob Islands’.

With the dumbing down of Americans in the latest generations (think George Bush) educators are finding that students have trouble pronouncing and spelling even such common, but foreign names as Hawaii, Honolulu, Waikiki and karaoke. Continue Reading

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Posted in Travel0 Comments

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