Category: Society
David Duke “Clarifies” Anti-Semitic Comments
Famously-allegedly-ish “non-racist™” White supremacist; oh sorry, how un-PC; I meant achingly conspicuous “racial realist™” David Duke has popped out (sorry, popped up) once again. Yes, His Most Exalted Ideological Hipsterness has recently expressed what he calls his “utmost sincere contrition…
Kim Jong Takes Un Step Toward Hollywood
TO: My dear subjects FROM: Your Supreme Leader, Kim Jong-un I want to apologize for not informing you of my whereabouts for almost six weeks this past fall and causing you undue heartache and concern but, of course, I cannot….
Local Police New Alpha Codes Fluster Criminals, Officers
Auburn police have found a new way to keep criminals from understanding their scanner chatter for ill, but unfortunately, not one of them has yet figured out how to use it for good. The new alpha call signs, dubbed Cool…
7 Best & Worst Halloween Tricks, Treats
With good ol’ Saint Hallow’s Eve fast approaching, it’s time to think about the trick and/or treaters who will soon be knocking on your door fresh-faced and pre-diabetic. You can make a ton of friends by handing out full-sized candy…
God Finds Message from All Humanity in Cucumber, Fanatics Outraged
It’s often asserted that messages from God can appear in mysterious places… You know, the Madonna popping up in cheese sandwiches, Lady Gaga helping us see the light, Bible/Quran/Dianetics texts being found in the veins of tomatoes… Although admittedly, the…
Busy Tech Execs Boost Productivity, Put Children On Ice
When LaShonda Martinez’s boss first offered to freeze her three-year-old son, the programmer was aghast. “I was all like, you want to do what? But then, once they explained themselves, I was all like, yeah, maybe.” In light of recent…
Rep/Dem Hawks Approve “Moderate Islamist” Manifesto
Frustrated by what they perceive to be the dogmatism both of liberal or secular Muslims on the one hand, and hardcore political Islamists on the other, various factions of moderate political Islamism have released a joint solidarity statement. The statement…
“Patronising Liberal Pastor” Calls Jesus “Inspiring”
Last time, I reminded you how much a certain kind of patronising crap about “inspirational” underdogs and under-non-dogs is now big business. Well, now it’s even infected kinda-normal-and-sensible-within-reason religious circles™. That’s right; worshipers at a somewhat moderate/mainline Church™ in Colorado…
Ruse of Young Border Crossers Successful for Drug Cartels
Suspicions have arisen lately that the recent spate of Latin children coming across the southern U.S. border were no spontaneous occurrence. Darker implications have revealed themselves. “The operation was a total success!” states Juan Cokefetcher, middle manager for the Headchoppers…
Libraries- The Great Whores Of The Literary World
There used to be a sanctuary to which you could retire for that most blessed and peaceful of soul satisfying balms- silence. This sanctuary was known as a ‘library’ and throughout the world they could be considered a trustworthy and…