Doomsday cults are big business these days. The Death by Chocolate Cult sadly disbanded.
Phoenix, AZ – It was announced today that the doomsday cult calling itself Death by Chocolate has called it quits due to the fact that their original mission to eat themselves to death with chocolate has not quite gone as planned. Continue Reading

Washington – At a hastily called press briefing yesterday, Vice President Joe Biden blasted the New York Times for asserting in an editorial that a highly classified document on American missile defense was made public accidentally. Continue Reading

High society is really taking a beating in this economic crisis. The scores of trophy wives who have been left to fend for themselves by husbands caught in the unfortunate outing of greed and corruption on Wall Street are not taking their fall from status lying down—well, maybe they’ll take it lying down if the opportunity presents itself—anyway, there are many former well-to-do women out there who, because of the recent convictions of their high profile spouses, have begun to wonder, “will I ever shop at Gucci again?” Continue Reading

Chicago – In a widely anticipated appearance on the Oprah Winfrey show, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton offered her sympathy to Jenny Sanford, the wife of admitted adulterer, South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford. To the audience’s surprise, Mrs. Clinton then addressed nagging questions about her own marriage to Bill Clinton. Continue Reading

New York – In the current edition of The Nation magazine, White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel charges that President Bush is personally responsible for burning California’s economy. Continue Reading

Washington Post Associate Editor Bob Woodward revealed today that a high-level White House source has provided him with transcripts of Obama War Room strategy sessions. Continue Reading

Alfie McScrunt, the boy who was reported to have fathered a child when he was 12 years old, is not the baby’s father, DNA tests have shown. Alfie, now 13, of Smegmadale’s Sink or Swim Housing Estate, told the ‘underage sex’ columnist from the Cormorant Strangler’s Gazette that he was ‘dead chuffed’ (Chav-speak for ‘proud’) he’d got his 15-year-old girlfriend ‘up the tub’ (further Chav-speak for ‘preggers’). Continue Reading

Pope Benny, the all-new German Mark XVI model, has left Rome for a visit to the Middle East – the first tour of the holy places of Christendom by a Pope since Christianity lost Jerusalem to the great unwashed Islamic hordes of Saladin during the Crusades of the Middle Ages. Continue Reading

Like any good American, I watch an inordinate, almost embarrassing amount of television. Personally, I’m partial to cartoons and shows involving adults dressed as oversized animals, typically dancing around while pretending to teach some lesson or other, but what I’m most partial to is that most alluring of child-centric starlets, Dora the Explorer. Continue Reading

Taking up the difficult charge requested of the nation’s newest president, fathers around the country have stepped up to make difficult choices and keep hope alive in the next generation. Many are doing this by emulating the exact behavior of Barack Obama and promising their dog demanding children that they too can have a puppy… you know, when dad gets elected president. Continue Reading

God, highest imagined power in all the universe, perhaps best known as the creator of day and night, took a few minutes away from his daily chore of answering billions of prayers for wealth, fame and sexual partners to publicly address a persistent request from one of his most visible, though least faithful followers, John McCain. “No,” said God, with a chorus of angels in accompaniment. “I will not honor the requests of you or Sarah Palin. Sorry. I have bigger things to deal with and you should stop praying to me for this.” Continue Reading

Mere minutes into Air Force One’s flight from Andrews Air Force Base to Greenland, it was reported that President Bush entered the flight deck with commands to “Continue your southerly heading.” The President, known for his resolve, was undeterred by new information suggesting Greenland may instead lie to the northeast of Virginia, insisting, “If we change course now, the terrorists win.” Continue Reading

According to research conducted nationwide, conventional teen coitus is on the downturn. Not in favor of abstinence, but in favor of more exhausting, athletic and often dangerous positions. Continue Reading

Americans, long iconic heroes to ignorant third-worlders and lesser ethnics alike, have in recent decades been labeled as nothing more than lazy, overweight, couch-faring snobs by counterparts in Europe and Asia alike. This reputation may have exacerbated the problem as, increasingly, Americans are found seeking comfort and acceptance both from Big Mars as well as pints of double-fudge ice cream. Continue Reading

On the eve of release, designers and critics alike are praising the much anticipated release of the newest version of Slut. Whether you are a casual user or a diehard Slut enthusiast, the robust build promises a hole new experience in high speed access. Continue Reading

Among the rarest of cancers comes cancer of the testes. Glossy News brings you these helpful tips to keeping your balls healthy. Continue Reading