Categorized | Education, Human Interest

POMO Priorities (The Ballad of How Occidental Civilization Was Won & Lost)

POMO Priorities (The Ballad of How Occidental Civilization Was Won & Lost)

1. Don’t say REAL MEN DON’T RAPE! That’s essentialist!

 

But men shouldn’t rape…?

STFU! Essentialist!!!!!

***

2. OMG! Stop comparing the Brotherhood to ISIS!

 

But they’re theocrats…

OMG! #Hashtag, not all moderate political Islamists!

***

3. How DARE YOU make fun of Jehovah’s Witnesses!

 

But they don’t allow their kids to get blood transfusions…

OMG! STFU! They’re an oppressed minority! FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!

***

4. HATE SPEECH IS NOT FREEDOM OF SPEECH! WAHHHHHHHHH! ANYONE WHO SAYS OTHERWISE IS A PRIVILEGED, HATEMONGERING BIGOT!

 

I’m a black transgender autistic gay guy with manic depression and a dodgy knee.

YEAH BUT YOU’RE A MALE! SO YOU’RE OBVIOUSLY SPEAKING AS A MALE!!!!!!

A trans male.

OMG!… ARE YOU FREAKING SERIOUS?! WHAT A PATHETIC SELLOUT! FUCK YOU, YOU TREACHEROUS UNCLE TOM!!!!!!!!!

***

5. SO WHAT IF WOMEN IN SAUDI ARABIA ‘HAVE TO’ WEAR THE BURQA! STOP CRITICIZING THEIR FUCKIN’ CULTURE, YOU IMPERIALIST POS!

 

I thought you were a feminist?

NO, I’M AN INTERSECTIONAL THIRD-WAVE POSTSTRUCTURALIST POST-META-PAN-TRANS-META-NOMIC-A-GENDERIST! GET IT RIGHT, DOUCHEBAAAAAAAAAAAAAG!!!!!!!!! STOP TRIGGERING ME!!!!!!!!!

But shouldn’t people stand against rape culture?

YES! YES! YES WE SHOULD! I mean, ACTUAL RAPE CULTURE! LIKE MANSPREADING! AND TWITTER MICROAGGRESSIONS! AND CHARLIE HEBDO!

***

6. WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TO CRITICIZE THE MYANMAR GOVERNMENT? YOU DESPICABLE FAUX-LEFTIST MORON!

 

Who am I NOT to criticize them?! I’ll criticize whoever the hell I want, you freakin’ idiot!

STOP YOUR ABLEIST SLURS!

These backward, reactionary regressives deserve nothing but contempt.

OMG! STFU, RETARD! THE RELIGION OF PEACE! THE RELIGION OF PEACE! STOP COLONIZING MYANMAR! #HASHTAG! #NOTALLBUDDHISTS!!!!!!

I didn’t say I wanted to colonize them. I merely wrote an article drawing attention to the human rights abuses there. I wasn’t lobbying anyone, or doing any kind of activism. I was talking about some of the problems there, that’s my job as a journalist!

FREEDOM OF SPEECH STFU! IMPERIALIST SPEECH IS NOT FREEDOM OF SPEECH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

***

7. WTF? WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN, BIOLOGICAL SEX IS A QUESTION OF BRUTE FACTS?! THE NATURAL SCIENCES ARE SOCIALLY CONSTRUCTED, DOUCHEBAG!

 

Gender is historically and culturally contingent, but biology is a matter of brute material facts.

STFU! THERE ARE NO FACTS, ONLY INTERPRETATIONS! STFU, JUST YOU , YOU, YOU… YOU… IGNORANT RIGHT-WING BIGOT!

Well… apart from the brute fact you just threw at me from your half-digested Nietzsche Wiki-binge the other late-night-Tweetie-time.

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

***

Another Social Justice Head explodes.

In a galaxy far far away (mainstream dead white guy physic-a-cab-ly speaking, at least), Planets Xenu and Kolob shiver to their very timbers, in utter galactico-megalopolitan terror…

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This post was written by

- who has written 367 posts on GlossyNews.com.

Conspirator-in-Chief of the Peace Criminals Project: Neocon Surveillance& Satirical-Industrial Complex! Also published on a range of satire sites. Currently co-editing Glossy News (under the webmaster, Brian K. White). Contact me to pitch or submit your satire! David Cameron says I am a #TerroristSympathizer. Islamists say I am an #Islamophobe. New Atheists think I am a #CravenApologistForPrimitiveBronzeAgeSuperstitions. MRAs & Alt-Right think I'm a #MatriarchalCuck. Others say I'm a #StraightMiddleClassWhiteBoy. And still more think I'm a #FuckingPleb. Just another edgy day at the Satirist's office! I am the Mayor of the Zero Fucks Community ;) @w_runnymede (Twitter) wallacerunnymede@gmail.com

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