Pomo Priorities (The Ballad of How Occidental Civilization Was Won & Lost)

1. Don’t say REAL MEN DON’T RAPE! That’s essentialist!

 

But men shouldn’t rape…?

STFU! Essentialist!!!!!

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2. OMG! Stop comparing the Brotherhood to ISIS!

 

But they’re theocrats…

OMG! #Hashtag, not all moderate political Islamists!

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3. How DARE YOU make fun of Jehovah’s Witnesses!

 

But they don’t allow their kids to get blood transfusions…

OMG! STFU! They’re an oppressed minority! FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!

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4. HATE SPEECH IS NOT FREEDOM OF SPEECH! WAHHHHHHHHH! ANYONE WHO SAYS OTHERWISE IS A PRIVILEGED, HATEMONGERING BIGOT!

 

I’m a black transgender autistic gay guy with manic depression and a dodgy knee.

YEAH BUT YOU’RE A MALE! SO YOU’RE OBVIOUSLY SPEAKING AS A MALE!!!!!!

A trans male.

OMG!… ARE YOU FREAKING SERIOUS?! WHAT A PATHETIC SELLOUT! FUCK YOU, YOU TREACHEROUS UNCLE TOM!!!!!!!!!

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5. SO WHAT IF WOMEN IN SAUDI ARABIA ‘HAVE TO’ WEAR THE BURQA! STOP CRITICIZING THEIR FUCKIN’ CULTURE, YOU IMPERIALIST POS!

 

I thought you were a feminist?

NO, I’M AN INTERSECTIONAL THIRD-WAVE POSTSTRUCTURALIST POST-META-PAN-TRANS-META-NOMIC-A-GENDERIST! GET IT RIGHT, DOUCHEBAAAAAAAAAAAAAG!!!!!!!!! STOP TRIGGERING ME!!!!!!!!!

But shouldn’t people stand against rape culture?

YES! YES! YES WE SHOULD! I mean, ACTUAL RAPE CULTURE! LIKE MANSPREADING! AND TWITTER MICROAGGRESSIONS! AND CHARLIE HEBDO!

***

6. WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TO CRITICIZE THE MYANMAR GOVERNMENT? YOU DESPICABLE FAUX-LEFTIST MORON!

 

Who am I NOT to criticize them?! I’ll criticize whoever the hell I want, you freakin’ idiot!

STOP YOUR ABLEIST SLURS!

These backward, reactionary regressives deserve nothing but contempt.

OMG! STFU, RETARD! THE RELIGION OF PEACE! THE RELIGION OF PEACE! STOP COLONIZING MYANMAR! #HASHTAG! #NOTALLBUDDHISTS!!!!!!

I didn’t say I wanted to colonize them. I merely wrote an article drawing attention to the human rights abuses there. I wasn’t lobbying anyone, or doing any kind of activism. I was talking about some of the problems there, that’s my job as a journalist!

FREEDOM OF SPEECH STFU! IMPERIALIST SPEECH IS NOT FREEDOM OF SPEECH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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7. WTF? WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN, BIOLOGICAL SEX IS A QUESTION OF BRUTE FACTS?! THE NATURAL SCIENCES ARE SOCIALLY CONSTRUCTED, DOUCHEBAG!

 

Gender is historically and culturally contingent, but biology is a matter of brute material facts.

STFU! THERE ARE NO FACTS, ONLY INTERPRETATIONS! STFU, JUST YOU , YOU, YOU… YOU… IGNORANT RIGHT-WING BIGOT!

Well… apart from the brute fact you just threw at me from your half-digested Nietzsche Wiki-binge the other late-night-Tweetie-time.

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Another Social Justice Head explodes.

In a galaxy far far away (mainstream dead white guy physic-a-cab-ly speaking, at least), Planets Xenu and Kolob shiver to their very timbers, in utter galactico-megalopolitan terror…

Author: Wallace Runnymede

Wallace is the editor of Brian K. White's epic website, Glossy News! Email him with your content at wallacerunnymede#gmail.com (Should be @, not #!) Or if you'd like me to help you tease out some ideas that you can't quite put into concrete form, I'd love to have some dialogue with you! Catch me on Patreon too, or better still, help out our great writers on the official Glossy News Patreon (see the bottom of the homepage!) Don't forget to favourite Glossy News in your browser, and like us on Facebook too! And last but VERY MUCH not the least of all... Share, share, SHARE! Thanks so much for taking the time to check out our awesome site!

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