Category: Society
Joe Biden Sits on White House Toilet With Door Open and Whistles
WASHINGTON, D.C. (GlossyNews) — “Clueless Joe,” as they are calling him these days, seems to be losing touch with reality bit by bit each day, as he wanders through the White House talking to no one in particular and asking…
Pope to Pedophile Priests: Eat More Fish
VATICAN CITY (GlossyNews) — It appears that Pope Benedict XVI has had an epiphany about the sex scandal continuing to plague the Catholic Church: lack of fish in a priest’s diet can lead to inappropriate sexual behavior toward young men….
Strike By Angels Shuts Down Heaven
Heaven (GlossyNews) — A major uproar has occurred in the normally peaceful and idyllic universal subdivision of Heaven, home to famous celebrities such as Jehovah, Odin, Osiris, Allah, Zeus, Ahura Mazda, God and their flunkies Buddha, Zarathustra, Moses, Mithra and,…
Craigslist Ad Looking for Master Catapult Builder
As recently seen on Austin Craigslist: EXPERIENCED CATAPULT BUILDER (N. AUSTIN) Date: 2010-03-26, 9:33PM CDT Reply to: job-phthuttt-1639419@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?] Group of Investors looking for experienced carpenter to build over-sized catapult sturdy enough to fling Rush Limbaugh…
James Randi Announces He’s Gay — Proving Psychics Don’t Exist
FORT LAUDERDALE, FL (GlossyNews) — James Randi, the renown 81-year-old skeptic, has escaped from the closet after keeping his sexuality a secret for more than 70 years. Randi, formerly known as The Amazing Randi, began his career in Canada as…
Glenn Beck to Develop Children’s Show on Fox
NEW YORK, NY (GlossyNews) — In an effort to reel in kiddies as early as they are able to watch television, the Fox Channel has begun the process of developing a Saturday morning kids’ show featuring Glenn Beck, invoking a…
Cookie Monster Robs Girl Scouts: Three dead
Detroit, MI (GlossyNews) — In what was considered shocking, even by Detroit standards, the beloved blue Sesame Street character today staged a bloody robbery at a suburban strip mall. No Girl Scouts were injured, but three shoppers were killed in…
Kansas Dad Somehow Lifts Car Off 6-Year-Old Girl
SHAWNEE, KS (GlossyNews) — A Kansas mother is praising neighbor Nick Harris as “Superman” after her six-year-old daughter described how Harris found the strength to lift a car off her. The girl escaped with minor injuries after she was pinned…
Three-Year-Old Shoots Father: “Purple Dinosaur Told Me To”
ANAHEIM, CA (GlossyNews) — On March 17, 2010, a three-year-old boy shot his father, an LAPD officer, with a service revolver. The shooting occurred in the family’s pickup truck at a traffic stop in Anaheim. Investigators are still trying to…
God Rejects Billionaires’ Joint Bid To Buy Earth
ALBUQUERQUE, NM (GlossyNews) — God Almighty, sole owner and creator of the earth, has categorically denied a joint bid by Carlos Slim Helu, Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, Mukesh Ambani, Lakshmi Mittal and other billionaire club members to buy the planet.