Joe Biden Sits on White House Toilet With Door Open and Whistles

WASHINGTON, D.C. (GlossyNews) — “Clueless Joe,” as they are calling him these days, seems to be losing touch with reality bit by bit each day, as he wanders through the White House talking to no one in particular and asking the maid if she needs any help. Seems Mr. Biden is finding it hard to keep himself busy as vice-president.

And the latest word from the staff is that Joe has no idea how unnerving it is for people to go past the first floor bathroom near the kitchen and see him sitting on the throne, reading the latest press releases and whistling a tune. “It’s getting to the point where we’d rather see ghosts in the hallway than be subjected to this scene,” said one of the kitchen staff members. “No one has the guts to say anything to him, and when we see him in the hall, we just try to steer clear of that bathroom because we know what we’re gonna see. It’s awfully upsetting.”

When asked to explain why the vice president won’t close the door and give himself some privacy when doing Number 2, Joe Biden’s secretary had this to say, “Joe has been like this ever since I met him many years ago at his campaign headquarters. He’d come in, say hi to everyone, shake their hands, and then head straight to the can, door wide open, poll results in hand, and whistle some happy little diddy as he did his business. At first, we were aghast, but we later just got use to his quirkiness and, although I can’t speak for the rest of the gang, his unusual way of using the toilet no longer bothers me. Joe’s an outgoing, affable man, and he honestly just doesn’t give a crap (no pun intended) about being embarrassed about anything.”

Some say that this habit of Joe’s goes all the way back to kindergarten, when he’d ask to use the restroom between classrooms and sit there in plain view looking at the pictures in his ABC book, whistling as he made poopie — as he liked to call it — with the door wide open. He’d even yell hello to any kids passing through, that’s how friendly Joe was and still is today.

Whatever the reason, special assistants have been assigned to the “Joe Detail” so as to head off any truly embarrassing moments that may occur when tour groups come to call. Their only purpose is to watch for Joe at any one of the bathrooms he frequents during the day and follow him to make sure his door is closed.

Said one assistant, “it’s not so bad. We just follow him to the bathroom, wait for him to get comfortable and when we hear whistling, we just avert our eyes, reach for the door, and pull it shut so that all you hear is happy whistling on the other side. Everybody wins.”

Author: P. Beckert

P. Beckert's is one voice vying for frequency room at the top of the opinion dial. Angered and bewildered by many of today’s events, P. Beckert uses humor as a tool to fight against an onslaught of stupidity and ignorance that seems to permeate the airwaves and pollute the sensitivities of a once brilliant nation. You can find more at

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