Category: Society
Jesus Declines Dinner Invite from Congresswoman Michele Bachmann
“Sorry, Michele, I’m busy that night,” was the unfortunate reply to Congresswoman, Michele Bachmann’s invitation to dinner to none other than Jesus Christ, her personal Lord and Savior. The woman from Minnesota was crushed. “Sure, I got definite yeses from…
Upset Lassie Leaves Timmy Down The Well
Through an interpreter (the Dog Whisperer), Lassie has informed local police the she has no plans to tell them which well Timmy is stuck in. The famous collie, who has saved the boy from multiple wells, caves, fires, storms, lions,…
Millions of Americans Trapped Below Middle Class w/o Rescue Plan
Rescuers are busy on a plan to reach millions of Americans who have become trapped somewhere between middle class and lower class without much of a chance of survival. They claim a level of greed several hundred feet thick is…
Seattle Opens Innovative Self-Help Health Clinics
SEATTLE, Washington – A group of enterprising doctors today were granted a license by the State Board of Medical Examiners in Washington State to open the first of what they hope to be many self-help walk-in clinics in America. Based…
Westboro Baptist Sues God Claiming He “Doesn’t Really Mind Fags”
Washington, DC (GlossyNews.com): The Westboro Baptist Church, the controversial religious sect best known for protesting the funerals of slain war veterans and their “God Hates Fags” protest signs, announced a startling lawsuit against God in Federal District Court today. According…
Politicos Recovering After Freak Grizzly Attacks
SAN FRANCISCO, CA. (GN) —Glossy News Over the past several weeks, there have been reports of a number of unknown female grizzly attacks. These reports are from Utah, Washington, California, Delaware, Tennessee, Kentucky, Ohio, Georgia, New Hampshire, West Virginia and…
‘Eat-A-Turd for the Taliban’ Big Success In Tribal Afghanistan
AFGHANISTAN (GlossyTribalNews) — In the remote tribal areas of Afghanistan, the Taliban declared today as the official “Eat A Turd For Muhammad Day.” Hundreds of armed Taliban fighters visited scores of remote tribal villages and forced village people at gunpoint…
Woman “Torn Between Two Lovers” Demands Body Parts Back
A North Dakota woman who was “torn between two lovers” said that she would appreciate the return of her body parts. Tonya Olive said from her hospital bed that she could do a lot more to please each man sexually…
God Releases His Bible Tablet Beta 0.92
MT. ARARAT, ISRAEL —GlossyNews In a rather earth-shaking display today, God has brought the Burning World Bible Tablet to “My People on earth”, as he said in a poorly attended news conference called by Pope B*dict XVI by teleconference from…
Dead Woman In Chair Watches TV For 42 years
ZAGREB, Croatia (Glossy News) – We’re not sure what was on TV in 1966 in the former Yugoslavia, but it must have been so terrible that a woman died while viewing it, and her remains have only recently been found….