AFGHANISTAN (GlossyTribalNews) — In the remote tribal areas of Afghanistan, the Taliban declared today as the official “Eat A Turd For Muhammad Day.” Hundreds of armed Taliban fighters visited scores of remote tribal villages and forced village people at gunpoint to eat crap in order to show their true submission to Muhammad.
Ziki Al-Ghabouni, a spokesman for the Taliban, claims nearly a 100% of villagers participated in the event and only two dozen or so were, ‘sent to meet Muhammad’ for failing to participate.
“It’s not bad if there’s enough corn in it,” claimed avillage leader Ramoud Farsi, 34, who wanly smiled for the camera as an AK-47 bayonet was pushed menacing against his back. Others felt the same, as scores of armed, dark bearded men in black turbans took to back rooms filling small plates for the villagers throughout the small enclave.
The annual event started in 2006 as part of the ‘ Put Your Trust In Allah By Showing Good Faith’ symposium and trade show put on by Taliban leaders in the Helmund region of the country. The Eat-A-Turd for Muhammad Day is the brainchild of Gazhi Al Boutmoub, a regional Taliban chieftain in the Walishiri sector of northern Pakistan.
For his innovative and courageous efforts, Al Boutmoub was awarded the prestigious Osama Service Medal consisting of two camels under a star and crescent moon on a black background. The round medal is made of aluminum and has a bullet-proof carry pouch with Bin Laden’s image on it.
When asked about the meaning of the representations inscribed on the medal, no one actually knew, but one Taliban official claimed the ‘Sheik’ designed it by drawing a depiction in the sand with his own urine stream.
A company in Pakistan has offered to package the Holy Turds in convenient plastic pouches, but a senior Taliban official declined, citing problems with fighters not wanting to hold the pouches open for fellow Taliban .