Upset Lassie Leaves Timmy Down The Well

Through an interpreter (the Dog Whisperer), Lassie has informed local police the she has no plans to tell them which well Timmy is stuck in. The famous collie, who has saved the boy from multiple wells, caves, fires, storms, lions, wolves, bears, snakes, wells, collapsing buildings, and several other life threatening situations, has said that she has had enough.

“If Timmy actually took care of me, it would be one thing. The kid forgets to feed me half the time, never brushes me, forgets to let me out (and then gets mad when I have accidents inside), doesn’t take me in for my shots, doesn’t take me on walks, forgets me on Christmas and birthdays, never loosens my collar as I grow, doesn’t give me a new flea and tick collar, and generally ignores me.”

“Then, when he’s in trouble, it’s Lassie this and Lassie that and Lassie save me. I’m just tired of his shit. The little fucker can get his own ass out of the well. The miners in Chile stayed in their hole for two months, and so can Timmy!”

“I call dibs on his bed, unless he wet it again.”

Local townspeople, who also feel that Timmy was pretty annoying, have not decided if they want to begin a search themselves yet or wait until after the holidays (when they’ll have more time available).

Author: Cletus Broken Feather

Cletus Broken Feather is the "Redneck Injun." He's too busy cowtipping Hereford Whitefaces to take the time to write an autobiography. Cletus calls himself "The Redneck Injun" instead of the "Redneck Redskin" cuz he ain't much of a Redskin fan. He admits a likin' for the Cowboys in the NFL, even though that don't seem to be natural.

6 thoughts on “Upset Lassie Leaves Timmy Down The Well

  1. Lassie had a major problem. A gender problem it seems.

    You see, Lassie was gay. In fact,’Lassie’ was really a ‘Laddie’ and had to endure years of hiding in that little itty-bitty closet in the back of his dog house.
    Think about how hard it was on a young dog to go about life in a cross-dressing gender confusion.
    No chewing meaty bones like a typical man-dog would, as ‘Lassie,’ Laddie had to demurely lick it and carefully gnaw upon it while keeping her coat spotless for the camera.
    When other dog-friends went chasing the mailman, sweet little ‘Lassie’ feinted boredom and hung around the farm just waiting for hapless Timmy to find a way to disappear!
    Oh yeah, every once in awhile ‘Laddie’ would get away for a just-to-be-me weekend in San Francisco where he would kick up his paws and let it all hang out. There, no one cared if ‘Lassie’s’ bark was deep and masculine, or if the leather collar she wore was embelished with silver studs.
    Oh, there were close calls alright. Like the time when the camera’s were rolling and Laddie inadvertedly lifted his leg to water an errant dandelion which caused an avalanche of letters from 10 year old kids who suspected something was awry!
    Or the time a Hollywood reporter almost caught Laddie humping away on a stray mutt behind Grandpa Miller’s dilapidated barn.

    Yeah, Lassie had a hard life with wells, mine shafts, and stardom, but you had to give the old gal credit.

  2. That’s a great gag, executed well. I always wondered about Timmy’s parents. He’s either in the abandoned well, or the abandoned mine, or in the abandoned guillotine factory or something, everytime you turn around. If Lassie was REALLY smart, she’d have brought home a real estate agent. Time to sell the farm.

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