Through an interpreter (the Dog Whisperer), Lassie has informed local police the she has no plans to tell them which well Timmy is stuck in. The famous collie, who has saved the boy from multiple wells, caves, fires, storms, lions, wolves, bears, snakes, wells, collapsing buildings, and several other life threatening situations, has said that she has had enough.
“If Timmy actually took care of me, it would be one thing. The kid forgets to feed me half the time, never brushes me, forgets to let me out (and then gets mad when I have accidents inside), doesn’t take me in for my shots, doesn’t take me on walks, forgets me on Christmas and birthdays, never loosens my collar as I grow, doesn’t give me a new flea and tick collar, and generally ignores me.”
“Then, when he’s in trouble, it’s Lassie this and Lassie that and Lassie save me. I’m just tired of his shit. The little fucker can get his own ass out of the well. The miners in Chile stayed in their hole for two months, and so can Timmy!”
“I call dibs on his bed, unless he wet it again.”
Local townspeople, who also feel that Timmy was pretty annoying, have not decided if they want to begin a search themselves yet or wait until after the holidays (when they’ll have more time available).