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KKK Reps Surface to File Anti-Anti-Hate Lawsuit

KKK Reps Surface to File Anti-Anti-Hate Lawsuit

Tuscaloosa, AL – Glossy News – In what legal scholars are calling a possibly precedent changing landmark case, the KKK this week launched a challenge against organizations that “think they can out-hate [their] white agenda,” according to a brief filed in the 4th District Federal Court. The KKK lawsuit, in partnership with the ever-helpful ACLU, seeks a bold new definition of free speech. Continue Reading

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Posted in Society1 Comment

Glenn Beck Threatens to Create New Religion “Ameri-Mormonistianity”

Glenn Beck Threatens to Create New Religion “Ameri-Mormonistianity”

Coming off the self-proclaimed super success of his Restoring Honor Rally in Washington, D.C., Glenn Beck has reached the level of leadership needed to take his prophetic brand of hegemony to the next level.

But is his firebrand flavor of beliefs different enough and believable enough to catch on with the majority of Christians who are tired of being lied to? Continue Reading

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Posted in Religionism, Strange People3 Comments

Taco Bell Chihuahua Births Anchor Pups Beneath Porch

Taco Bell Chihuahua Births Anchor Pups Beneath Porch

Bella, former Taco Bell spokes-chihuahua has produced a litter of anchor pups under the Newsome family’s front porch. Mr. Newsome is beside himself and wants to kill the damn thing and its entire family. “We don’t have the money to pay for all these dogs!” he shouted as reporter Tyson Bam stepped out of the Glossy News Action Van. Continue Reading

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Posted in Society0 Comments

Pakistani Man Shuts Down Internet Due To Footwear Problems

Pakistani Man Shuts Down Internet Due To Footwear Problems

Nobi Patel was visibly discouraged as he searched shop after shop looking for a comfortable pair of shoes to wear while bicycle powering up his village’s internet section. After almost a week of no internet connections, angry neighbors were hurling insults as he passed, hoping to antagonize the simple man as his internet power generator, sat idle near the outhouse. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, World News1 Comment

Steinbrenner Options Satan for Minor Mephistopheles to be Named Later

Steinbrenner Options Satan for Minor Mephistopheles to be Named Later

HELL (GlossyNews) — Word comes via famed psychic John Edwards, that legendary sports icon George Steinbrenner has not gone ‘gentle into that good night.’ Other sources confirm Edwards’ assertions. The former Yankees owner has discharged Satan from any further managerial duties of Hell, LLC. Continue Reading

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Posted in Religionism, Sportsfolk0 Comments

Ground Zero Camels More Offensive Than Joe Camel or Camel-Toe

Ground Zero Camels More Offensive Than Joe Camel or Camel-Toe

NEW YORK (GlossyNews) — In a scene guaranteed to blow the stacks off the rabid Right, who insist no religion except Christianity should be worshiped within a 12,000 mile radius of Ground Zero, a herd of sub-quattro even-toed ungulates were spotted grazing around Ground Zero today. They were apparently oblivious to the brouhaha surrounding the proposed Islamic cultural center to be located within blocks of the historic site. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Religionism0 Comments

Holy Grail Found Inside Ark of the Covenant Inside Noah’s Ark

Holy Grail Found Inside Ark of the Covenant Inside Noah’s Ark

Astounding news continues from a Hong Kong based group of evangelical archeologists. The Xinyou Qing Project (rough English translation, ‘We go find Ark now’) first grabbed headlines this year with discovery of Noah’s Ark on Mt. Ararat. Detailed work at the site has now uncovered the most precious relics of Christendom. Continue Reading

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Posted in Religionism, Top Stories8 Comments

92-Year-Old Pervert Arrested After Metro Bus Grope Fest

92-Year-Old Pervert Arrested After Metro Bus Grope Fest

Branson, MO. – A senior citizen bus trip from the Days End senior home in Louisville, KY to Branson, Mo, a popular tourist spot in SW Missouri, has caused some trouble for the old folks and a serious run in with the law as well.

As the bus entered Missouri, an elderly woman, Bertha Klump, came up to the driver Cal Fischer complaining about being molested by a man while she was seated in the back row. Continue Reading

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Posted in Crime, Strange People0 Comments

The New Uncool — Using Turn Signals

The New Uncool — Using Turn Signals

LOS ANGELES, California (GlossyNews) — Scientists have determined that an alarming and increasing number of drivers are “turn signal challenged”, that is, unable to use a turn signal when driving. This form of mental malfunction appears to be more pronounced amongst men, many of whom also feel that it is effeminate or beneath them to signal their intention of turning before doing so. “What business is it of theirs which way I’m going?” is a common attitude often taken shortly before ramming a smaller car trying to get into the same space. It should be noted, however, Continue Reading

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Posted in Crime0 Comments

Hog Jaw, Arkansas Named Kissin’ Cousin Capital of America

Hog Jaw, Arkansas Named Kissin’ Cousin Capital of America

Hog Jaw, Arkansas has just been named the Kissin’ Cousin Capital of America by Tammy Fay Cosmetics, beating out the other Hog Jaw, Alabama by a mile. The mayor of Hog Jaw, Humphrey Dumpty, in announcing this most dubious honor claimed “if it twern’t fer the Buckner Triplets and their love of Tammy Fay’s strawberry smack lip balm coupled with their love for their cousins Jethro, Jeb and Jubilee, we’d a been singing a sadder song.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Society4 Comments

Giganti-Baby May Be Sumo Prodigy by Age Three

Giganti-Baby May Be Sumo Prodigy by Age Three

Lei Lei, named phonetically after the famous Lay’s potato chips, was a large baby when born, but not extraordinarily large according to his petite Chinese mother. However, ever since his birth, he’s been eating anything and everything in sight, and he is growing twice as fast as other babies his age. It’s like the Robin Williams movie where he ages quickly, except with a morbidly obese Chinese baby. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest0 Comments

‘Hokey-Pokey’ Songwriter Laid to Rest in Simple Ceremony

‘Hokey-Pokey’ Songwriter Laid to Rest in Simple Ceremony

CLINTON, Missouri (GlossyNews) — With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person who gave the world fun and togetherness for over 50 years. His death almost went unnoticed this past week, but friends made a few calls and his passing was given special remembrance across the nation.

Larry Wang, the man who wrote the ever popular song, Do the Hokey Pokey died last week after a prolonged illness. Continue Reading

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Posted in Entertainment, Society4 Comments

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