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Written Driving Test to Ferret Fast, Furious Drivers

Written Driving Test to Ferret Fast, Furious Drivers

The current UK Driving and Vehicle Licensing Agency’s driving test theory section is proving to be nothing more than a crooked revenue generator of Ponzi / Pyramid scheme proportions for the dodgy New Labour government.

The theory side of the test alone bills provisional license holder candidates a £30 fee each time they sit said test – with a dismal pass rate of 60% for first-timers and 63% for second time participants. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest0 Comments

Rev. Moon Sells Off Mass-Marriage to Mormons

Rev. Moon Sells Off Mass-Marriage to Mormons

Sun Moon University, Seoul, South Korea —The final 10,000 Moonies exchanged their marriage vows this week. The ceremony came just before Utah’s Latter Day Saints, the Mormons, prepared to take over the franchise from Rev. Moon and his three sons. Continue Reading

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Posted in Religionism2 Comments

Most Idiotic Nuisance 999 Calls Revealed

Most Idiotic Nuisance 999 Calls Revealed

A Smegmadale Jewish priest, Rabbi Sheldon Scrunt, dialled 999 when staff at Manchester Airport’s W H Smuts bookstore would not allow him to use the toilet, then subsequently shit kittens when the plods turned up and arrested him for making a nuisance emergency services call.

He was later released with a good slap round the head after pleading extenuating circumstances for making his call as he suffered from an enlarged prostate and also chronic IBS due his rhubarb addiction. Continue Reading

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Posted in Society, Strange People5 Comments

Postmen’s Union Decry Canine Attacks

Postmen’s Union Decry Canine Attacks

Police do not take pet animal attacks on postal delivery workers seriously enough, irate union leaders told press hacks during their annual Christmas piss-up at Smegmadale’s Fighting Dog and Pikey pub.

The claim comes after postman Sheldon Scrunt suffered severe injuries when he was savaged by two supposedly-tame man-eating Komodo dragons while delivering a batch of spam junk mail to a fortified end terrace on Smegmadale’s Skidrow Housing Estate. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest2 Comments

Disturbing Sexual Trend Gives Kids New Place To Stick It

Disturbing Sexual Trend Gives Kids New Place To Stick It

Columbus, OH – A mother and daughter wait in a sterile examining room. The daughter shifts uncomfortably on the crinkly paper sheet atop the standard issue table bed. The news from the doctor is grim: the girl may never hear again.

“What?” the girl replies. It’s like the punch line to a cruel joke, but no one’s laughing. Continue Reading

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Posted in Health2 Comments

Personalised Plates Hit for Homophobia

Personalised Plates Hit for Homophobia

A score of “offensive” vehicle registration plates have been withdrawn from a Smegmashire DVLA auction as they might well fall under the politically-incorrect categories of ‘homophobic’, ‘sexist’, racist’ or ‘anarchist’ and breach one or another of the new European Fascist Federation’s legion of Prohibited 666 Offences Act 2009 laws. Continue Reading

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Posted in Society, Strange People1 Comment

Air India Title Fight – Pilots vs Cabin Crew

Air India Title Fight – Pilots vs Cabin Crew

Further scandal hits basket case Air India with news that pilots and cabin crew manning an international flight bound for Dehli got into an argument then deserted the cockpit and engaged in a fist-flinging free-for-all punch up in front of terrified passengers as the aircraft flew on – in a generalised Easterly direction – into the wild blue Oriental yonder – with no bugger at the controls. Continue Reading

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Posted in Society, Travel2 Comments

America’s Health Insurers Blow Millions on High Priced Hook

America’s Health Insurers Blow Millions on High Priced Hook

Just when you thought America’s health insurance companies couldn’t kick us any harder in the collective ass, comes the news that the insurance industry has paid coo-coo bucks for a study which says that if the present proposed health care bill is passed through legislation, it will be the cause for existing insurance premiums to rise. Say wha? Continue Reading

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Posted in Health, Politics2 Comments

UK Stimulus Requires Peasants to Get Booze Licences

UK Stimulus Requires Peasants to Get Booze Licences

In what may well prove to be the most stupid law to be introduced since their last stupid law caused a public outcry and political brouhaha the EU’s fascist ‘Triple Six’ Department for Total Control has decided – in their infinite wisdom – that in a time wasting bid to curb binge drinking, all boozers will have to get a licence to enjoy their favourite tipple – and could lose it if they overindulge and get right blitzed. Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Human Interest0 Comments

Egyptian Student Skips Homework, Beaten on the Knuckles, Chest, Skull

Egyptian Student Skips Homework, Beaten on the Knuckles, Chest, Skull

An Egyptian court has sentenced a schoolteacher to 300 hours of community service work for beating a pupil to death because he had not done his homework.

Maths teacher Atilla bin Atwatt threw the 15 year-old schoolboy out of the third floor classroom window as an example, to impress on other pupils their responsibility to hand homework assignments in on schedule. Continue Reading

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Posted in Kidz Zone, Society2 Comments

Dodgy Deviant Gets Ceo Position, As Expected

Dodgy Deviant Gets Ceo Position, As Expected

The New Labour government’s childcare watchdog Ofsted has been heavily criticised by every bugger and their dog after appointing a dodgy deviant official – once embroiled in a notorious paedophile scandal – to a senior post in the organisation.

The Office for Standards in Education, Children’s Services and Skills has named Willie McScum as its Social Care chief – a job which gives him effective control of the protection of male and female minors in care homes and nurseries across the length and breadth of the entire UK. Continue Reading

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Posted in Crime2 Comments

Ask Hank: My Lousy Husband

Ask Hank: My Lousy Husband

Dear Hank,

I’m a happily married 48 year old woman with a wonderful husband and five great kids.

But something’s bothering me. For the last six months my husband has been coming home late several nights a week with liquor on his breath, his suit disheveled, lipstick stains on his shirt, and nasty looking welts on his neck. Continue Reading

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Posted in Society2 Comments

Trigger Happy Cops Off Scot-Free on “My Bad” Defense

Trigger Happy Cops Off Scot-Free on “My Bad” Defense

The UK’s Independent Police Complaints Commission today publicly announced its disgraceful and scandalous decision not to censure or prosecute the shit-for-brains gun-toting plods who couldn’t tell the difference between a fanatical Ethiopian suicide bombing Jihadi terrorist and a happy-go-lucky Latino Brazilian electrician – all friendly smiles and white teeth – so shot the electrician just to be on the safe side. Continue Reading

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Posted in Crooked Cops1 Comment

Blue M&Ms Set for Medical Trials

Blue M&Ms Set for Medical Trials

Rochester Medical Center, New York —An announcement today by the spokesperson of the Rochester Medical Center in New York confirmed that the Mars Candy Company will stage an historic three-year long medical trial with their blue M&Ms candy. Continue Reading

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Posted in Health0 Comments

Vatican: New Shroud of Turin Best Yet

Vatican: New Shroud of Turin Best Yet

ROME, ITALY — The Vatican Museum today announced in a press release that the latest reproduction of the Shroud of Turin is of such great artistic quality that the Museum is immediately adopting it as the “new, God’s only recognized Shroud of Turin” and that it “replaces the first original shroud which dated somewhere in the later part of the 13th century. Everyone knew that one didn’t look so good, it was faded,” according to the release. Continue Reading

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Posted in Religionism5 Comments

Marks & Spencer Clerks to Spot Suicidal Shoppers

Marks & Spencer Clerks to Spot Suicidal Shoppers

Under the latest EU legislation to impose a Big Bully federal state, the UK’s Ministry for Daft Ideas has ordained that the likes of hairdressers and taxi drivers are to be trained to help spot vulnerable people who might be contemplating taking their own lives.

The entire ranks of Jobcentre Plus workers and Mamon and Snobfords’ supermarket staff are also being given basic counselling skills in suicide prevention by self-harm spotters from the Samaritans organisation. Continue Reading

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Posted in Health, Society0 Comments

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