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Counter Protester Turns to Cannibalism

Counter Protester Turns to Cannibalism

Kayotic City, CA – Things turned ugly Wednesday night at a gathering of citizens in favor of President Obama’s Health Care Reform Bill, when a counter-protester ran up to one of the march participants and bit off the tip of his finger. The victim, Phil Langes, was rushed to Los Rabies Hospital and Medical Center’s emergency room; however, the finger tip could not be sewn back on due to the fact that the man who bit it off appears to have swallowed it. Continue Reading

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Posted in Health, Top Stories0 Comments

Obama Proposes Pet Health Care Plan to Woo Seniors

Obama Proposes Pet Health Care Plan to Woo Seniors

Stung by reports that the elderly are turning against his health care reform proposal, President Barack Obama is prepared to offer seniors a series of incentives to get them back on board. Continue Reading

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Posted in Health, Politics0 Comments

Kennedy to Achieve Health Care Reform from Grave

Kennedy to Achieve Health Care Reform from Grave

Washington — Washington Post Associate Editor Bob Woodward reports that the Obama Administration plans to use the death of Senator Ted Kennedy to fast-track its health care reform measure now languishing in Congress. Continue Reading

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Posted in Health, Politics, Top Stories0 Comments

Obama: Stop Bothering Me

Obama: Stop Bothering Me

Washington — A source close to President Barack Obama tells Washington Post Associate Editor Bob Woodward that the President has begun to chafe at his inability to get away from the job, even at his vacation retreat on Martha’s Vineyard. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Politics, Top Stories1 Comment

Sexy Prison Guard Too Gorgeous, Fired

Sexy Prison Guard Too Gorgeous, Fired

A female prison officer was forced out of her job after being bullied because she was considered too pretty to enforce discipline, a Smegmadale Employment Tribunal heard this week. Fellatia Sodomberg, 27, a former Albanian BD/SM Pro-Dominatrix, is claiming constructive dismissal and suing Justice Secretary Jack Straw and HM Prison Service after being forced to desert her position at the Smegmadale-on-Sea based Scumbags Young Offenders Holiday Camp. Continue Reading

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Posted in Strange People0 Comments

Glenn Beck Show Saved By Good Ol’ Boy Advertisers

Glenn Beck Show Saved By Good Ol’ Boy Advertisers

Glenn Beck is seeing his conventional ad revenues dry up due to his escalation of hate rhetoric, but the redneck community is coming to his aid to help keep him on the air. Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Strange People, Television0 Comments

Swine Flu Vaccine Banned in Kosher Israel

Swine Flu Vaccine Banned in Kosher Israel

Jerusalem – Israeli Health officials have announced today that the swine flu vaccine will not be made available to the general public as punishment for the more than 1,700 people who went against Hebrew law by contracting swine flu. Continue Reading

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Posted in Health6 Comments

Obamas Worry Martha’s Vineyard Visit “Looks Elitist”

Obamas Worry Martha’s Vineyard Visit “Looks Elitist”

National Enquirer — An intrepid National Enquirer reporter has managed the near-impossible: gain access to the Obama compound on Martha’s Vineyard posing as a landscaper. During his time at the estate, John Smith discovered a hiding place in the bushes outside a screened-in porch where top advisors gathered to discuss political strategy. Following is a partial transcript of one of the sessions Smith taped: Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Politics0 Comments

Obama to Begin New World Apology Tour in Cuba

Obama to Begin New World Apology Tour in Cuba

Washington – When President Barack Obama arrives in Havana for a state visit next month, he will personally apologize to late Cuban Premier Fidel Castro for decades of American interference with Cuba’s efforts to destabilize the Southern Hemisphere. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, World News0 Comments

Waterproof Sunscreen Useless Against Crying, Leads to More

Waterproof Sunscreen Useless Against Crying, Leads to More

When selecting a brand, type and configuration of sunscreen, it’s important to bear in mind your needs, lifestyle and personal habits. For us, it was easy to choose a high SPF rating, opt for the waterproof, and go with a trusted name brand. What I didn’t take into account was my personal propensity for crying, and none of the brands had anything to protect me from that. Continue Reading

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Posted in Health0 Comments

Chocolate Doomsday Cult Calls It Quits

Chocolate Doomsday Cult Calls It Quits

Doomsday cults are big business these days. The Death by Chocolate Cult sadly disbanded.
Phoenix, AZ – It was announced today that the doomsday cult calling itself Death by Chocolate has called it quits due to the fact that their original mission to eat themselves to death with chocolate has not quite gone as planned. Continue Reading

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Posted in Religionism0 Comments

Mansour Biden Unleashed

Mansour Biden Unleashed

Washington – At a hastily called press briefing yesterday, Vice President Joe Biden blasted the New York Times for asserting in an editorial that a highly classified document on American missile defense was made public accidentally. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Strange People, Top Stories0 Comments

Trophy Wives Falling on Hard Times

Trophy Wives Falling on Hard Times

High society is really taking a beating in this economic crisis. The scores of trophy wives who have been left to fend for themselves by husbands caught in the unfortunate outing of greed and corruption on Wall Street are not taking their fall from status lying down—well, maybe they’ll take it lying down if the opportunity presents itself—anyway, there are many former well-to-do women out there who, because of the recent convictions of their high profile spouses, have begun to wonder, “will I ever shop at Gucci again?” Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest0 Comments

Hillary Trashes Bill on “Oprah”

Hillary Trashes Bill on “Oprah”

Chicago – In a widely anticipated appearance on the Oprah Winfrey show, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton offered her sympathy to Jenny Sanford, the wife of admitted adulterer, South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford. To the audience’s surprise, Mrs. Clinton then addressed nagging questions about her own marriage to Bill Clinton. Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Human Interest, Politics1 Comment

White House Claims Bush Torched California for Sport

White House Claims Bush Torched California for Sport

New York – In the current edition of The Nation magazine, White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel charges that President Bush is personally responsible for burning California’s economy. Continue Reading

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Posted in Crime, Environment, Politics0 Comments

Secret Obama Health Strategy Leaked

Secret Obama Health Strategy Leaked

Washington Post Associate Editor Bob Woodward revealed today that a high-level White House source has provided him with transcripts of Obama War Room strategy sessions. Continue Reading

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Posted in Health, Politics0 Comments

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