Archive | Kidz Zone

Robo-Rat: the Future of Service-Free Pets

Robo-Rat: the Future of Service-Free Pets

Worried about getting your youngsters a pet for Christmas – a cuddly kitten or puppy –then face the moral conscience dilemma of having to go and dump it up the arse end of the wilderness a few weeks later – to keep the legion of other evicted pets company – when the kids get tired of playing with it.

No problems anymore – technology has come to the rescue. The UK toy store shelves are chocker full of the latest and greatest in cuddly robotic pet innovations – Go-Go Pets – the “must-have” present for Christmas 2009. Continue Reading

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Posted in Gadgets & Gizmos, Kidz Zone0 Comments

Conservative Doll Series Out in Time for Christmas

Conservative Doll Series Out in Time for Christmas

Whiskey Creek, VA – Small independently-owned doll manufacturer, Patriate Pride, has announced a new line of dolls fashioned after the ideals of two of today’s most controversial conservative figures, Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin. In fact, the “Michele” doll and the “Sarah” doll will be the cornerstones of the new series, “Pretty Pride.” Continue Reading

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FATHER CHRISTMAS / SANTA CLAUS VACANCY (applicants requested)

FATHER CHRISTMAS / SANTA CLAUS VACANCY (applicants requested)

JOB TITLE: FATHER CHRISTMAS / SANTA CLAUS

REF: ALU/62734

LOCATION: Lapland based / Worldwide distribution network

HOURS: Christmas Eve – Dusk til dawn

SHIFTS AVAILABLE: Second Shift, Graveyard Shift Continue Reading

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Posted in Kidz Zone, Society0 Comments

Kellogg’s New “Panacea Puffs” Claims to Cure All

Kellogg’s New “Panacea Puffs” Claims to Cure All

Weird and bizarre nutritional claims come and go – alongside the passage of a Millennium’s ages – and too with the flight of short fickle seasons.

Raw mammoth meat provided our cave-dwelling ancestors with the virility and stamina to survive the last Ice Age. Continue Reading

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Posted in Health, Kidz Zone0 Comments

School Brands Five-Year Old Racist Pig

School Brands Five-Year Old Racist Pig

Let me tell you about Oriole Jaffacake. He’s a very bright five-year old child and comes from a nice home. Oriole is extremely polite, courteous and a normal healthy boy in both mind and body – and has a friend called Semolina.

While Oriole is a British-born Indian Asian and Semolina O’Dinga a Brit’-born Central African Ugandan negro they are next door neighbours and attend the same class at the Smegmadale Elementary School for Latter Day Bigots. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Kidz Zone0 Comments

Church Declares Halloween ‘Demonic’, 5 Old Ladies Shocked

Church Declares Halloween ‘Demonic’, 5 Old Ladies Shocked

A Smegmashire Church of England magazine – the Avenging Angel – has drawn severe criticism from the laity for describing people participating in traditional Halloween celebrations as “siding with the Devil”.

The Avenging Angel article also claims the children’s practice of ‘trick or treat’ is based on extortion and blackmail and encourages kids to pursue criminal careers as stockbrokers, bankers and politicians. Continue Reading

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Posted in Kidz Zone, Religionism1 Comment

Toy Shop Owner Faces Bankruptcy Over “Cursing” Doll Mix-Up

Toy Shop Owner Faces Bankruptcy Over “Cursing” Doll Mix-Up

New York, NY – A Hoboken toy shop owner is suing a Chinese doll manufacturer for unspecified damages claiming that the “cursing” dolls he ordered “don’t even f**king talk.”

Hoping to cash in on the annual round of innocent dolls, i.e. Elmo, Jr., bought by parents that, when taken out of the packaging, are found to be hot-wired to say something off-color, and thereby adding to the doll’s value, Hal Hapless saw an ad in a doll trade magazine for “cursing” dolls made by a Chinese manufacturer and quickly ordered 10,000 of the dolls. Continue Reading

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Kid’s Balloon Stunt Mobilizes Entire Nation

Kid’s Balloon Stunt Mobilizes Entire Nation

A six-year-old boy thought to have been carried away by a helium-filled weather balloon in Colorado was in fact hiding in the kitchen fridge – behind the remains of last Thanksgiving’s Day turkey, a Dorksborough County deputy informed Fux News.

Dorksborough Sheriff Billy Bob Moronsky later advised media reporters that apparently the youngster – Roland de Ratte – had been there the whole time. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Kidz Zone2 Comments

Egyptian Student Skips Homework, Beaten on the Knuckles, Chest, Skull

Egyptian Student Skips Homework, Beaten on the Knuckles, Chest, Skull

An Egyptian court has sentenced a schoolteacher to 300 hours of community service work for beating a pupil to death because he had not done his homework.

Maths teacher Atilla bin Atwatt threw the 15 year-old schoolboy out of the third floor classroom window as an example, to impress on other pupils their responsibility to hand homework assignments in on schedule. Continue Reading

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Posted in Kidz Zone, Society2 Comments

“E-Coli Closes Petting Zoos” Says Captain Obvious

“E-Coli Closes Petting Zoos” Says Captain Obvious

Parents should not allow young children to touch animals at petting zoos around the Southampton area of the south coast of England, a Porton Down germ warfare centre microbiologist advised a reporter from the Daily Shitraker amid fears of an E-coli 0157 epidemic beating the forecast Sneezy Pig H1N1 flu pandemic to the starting post. Continue Reading

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Posted in Health, Kidz Zone0 Comments

Vaca Photo Ruined by Spiderman Toy Bragging

Vaca Photo Ruined by Spiderman Toy Bragging

If there’s one thing I love more than anything, it’s a “thing”. Can’t tell you what it is, but it’s probably something, and something I really, really love. What I can tell you is what I love more than that, and it’s another thing. Not just “another thing” but the other thing, which is the joy of a random toy, regardless of where it is. This article is in edification of that random, second thing. Continue Reading

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Brownie Guides Now Terrorist Suspects

Brownie Guides Now Terrorist Suspects

Two Smegmadale Police Community Support Officers are under investigation after they allegedly stopped and searched a six-year-old Pakistani Muslim girl using their unconstitutional anti-terrorism powers as an excuse for harassing behaviour that stinks of racism. Continue Reading

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Posted in Kidz Zone, War Zone1 Comment

Garbage Men: (Cost) Effective Substitute for Teachers

Garbage Men: (Cost) Effective Substitute for Teachers

Thousands of untrained staff – including night club bouncers, postmen, driving instructors and even binmen – are being used as “cheap labour” to cover for absent teachers according to a report leaked by disaffected snitches at the Ministry of Education. Continue Reading

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Posted in Kidz Zone, Society0 Comments

Tribal Native Denies “Being a Ninja”, Secretly Dreams

Tribal Native Denies “Being a Ninja”, Secretly Dreams

It was the strangest thing. We were having a runaway, rampant day out, doing our darnedest to span the landscape of the Puerto Rican interestosphere, regardless of the locals’ patent refusals to engage us in our media-istic capacities. It was a trouble we’d faced everywhere, but a resistance I hadn’t expected to face was that upon meeting a poorly-wigged tribal re-enactor, who obviously looked like a ninja, that he’d say he wasn’t a ninja. Continue Reading

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Posted in Kidz Zone, Travel0 Comments

Obama Schools Speech Fiasco Amuses Kids

Obama Schools Speech Fiasco Amuses Kids

President Barack Obama has delivered a junior State of the Nation speech to American schoolchildren, broadcast live to classrooms across the entire good ole US of A – from kindergarten age to upper high school grades. Continue Reading

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Posted in Kidz Zone, Politics0 Comments

Fat Camp for Porky Kids Opens to Poor Food Reviews

Fat Camp for Porky Kids Opens to Poor Food Reviews

Reporters from the Daily Shitraker have uncovered a secret plan formulated by Sir Erwin Bogbrush – New Labour’s Minister for Orwellian Studies – to send overweight children on a draconian NHS enforced slimming regime. Continue Reading

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Posted in Health, Kidz Zone0 Comments

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