KKK Allows More Gays than Boy Scouts

The Boy Scouts of America has announced that they are considering thinking about the possibility of forming an exploratory committee to allow gays among their ranks. But the Klan has been doing that for decades.

Boy Scouts of America has long been famous for three things. Merit badges, prohibiting gays from service, and gay sexual abuse among its rank and file. And we do mean rank.

The Klan, conversely, has been largely known for being middle and lower income, southern, and predominantly white (103% as of last survey, with a margin of error of +/- 2% — explain that.)

But Boy Scouts of America is looking to expand their ranks, now that major contributors have headed to warmer climates for Carnivale. Now they are willing to consider LGBTQ scouts and scoutmasters, provided they are not “sexual predators,” as defined by law, reason and common sense.

This is in opposition to their previous policy, which allowed sexual preditors, in contradiction of law, reason and common sense, as long as they didn’t openly admit it.

“This is wrong,” said Bob Justbob, arch grand-fellow of the Atlanta chapter of the KKK. “Nobody should allow anybody who’s openly queer.”

His sentiments are echoed by many of his visibly identical brethren, who each share a hatred of minorities and gays, as well as a sleek, if a bit pointy, taste in clothing.

“I’ve been coming here for years,” said a hooded and anonymous Bruce Jerome-Jackson, a man with uncommonly dark eye-holes at the Klan rally, “we don’t like no darkies and we don’t like no faggots. Why? Are you into that?”

M. Bachmann of Twin Cities, Minnesota told us, “I’ve been a member of the Klan since I was little, I just hate the blacks,” adding, “and as a gay man myself, I can tell you the Klan is perfectly open and accepting of that kind of lifestyle… Even my wife goes along with it.”

The Vatican, long advocates of gay sexual abuse and the suppression of homosexuality, refused to return our calls for comment on this story.

Author: Dexter Sinistri

Dexter Sinistri is a famously centrist writer who has worked as a Hollywood correspondent for a number of leading publications since 2005. Though once a photographer, Mr. Sinistri struck out as a writer on all things celebrity, and he likes to consider himself a tremendous asset to Glossy News, though by most accounts, he has fallen somewhat short of this effort.

2 thoughts on “KKK Allows More Gays than Boy Scouts

  1. I had to quit the boy scouts after the "massage therapy" that was exhibited by the, um, straight boys. If you really think there are no gay scouts or scout masters, please proceed to the next immediate exit before someone open the reality door on you. And by the way, the majority of those who prey upon the young are straight.

  2. Might be a bit pre/post timely, but they're actually considering allowing gays in the scouts… still not official (and the Christian right rejoiced in the temporary delay) but still.

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