In major concessions by both sides, boy agrees to stop touching sister’s stuff in exchange for her ceasing to refer to him as “Snot Face.”
SPOKANE, WA – Negotiators are expressing hopes for a new era of reconciliation and peaceful coexistence between eight-year-old Timmy Martin and his seven-year-old sister Lisa following a landmark agreement that resolved contentious issues of privacy and naming rights which had long divided the strife-torn siblings.
The historic accord was reached after the negotiating team – the children’s parents Mike and Sally Martin – put forward a bold last-minute peace proposal referred to as the “No Computer For a Week If The Two of You Don’t Stop Acting Like a Couple of Two-Year-Olds Right This Minute Option.”
The threat of online-denial was apparently enough to break the deadlock in the negotiations, which had stalled over the issue of whether or not Timmy was a “stupid poop head” as his sister steadfastly claimed, with Timmy refusing to back down from his long-held position that Lisa has cooties.
As part of the settlement, the parties agreed to set aside a number of unresolved issues for future negotiation, including Lisa’s claims of having called “dibs” on her mother’s iPad2 when she replaces it with an iPad3 and Timmy’s contention that no one will every marry Lisa because she’s a “frog-faced dweeb.”
The next round of negotiations is set to commence at 6:00 p.m. this evening during a dinner roundtable. Topping the agenda is the complex issue of why Timmy has to eat the baked eggplant and Lisa doesn’t.