Archive | Human Interest

UK Stimulus Requires Peasants to Get Booze Licences

UK Stimulus Requires Peasants to Get Booze Licences

In what may well prove to be the most stupid law to be introduced since their last stupid law caused a public outcry and political brouhaha the EU’s fascist ‘Triple Six’ Department for Total Control has decided – in their infinite wisdom – that in a time wasting bid to curb binge drinking, all boozers will have to get a licence to enjoy their favourite tipple – and could lose it if they overindulge and get right blitzed. Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Human Interest0 Comments

EU Big Brother to Microchip All UK Pets

EU Big Brother to Microchip All UK Pets

Now even dogs and cats – and likewise all British household pets – from the cuddly furry to the feathery plumaged to piscine and reptilian scaly – cannot escape the clutches of the Orwellian surveillance state.

Under EU plans being implemented by the totally paranoid New Labour administration all UK pets will have to be fitted with a microchip containing their owner’s name and address, phone number and credit card details – including the four-digit pin. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Society, Technology0 Comments

Woman Labeled ‘Too Dumb’ to Marry, Though Technically Doable

Woman Labeled ‘Too Dumb’ to Marry, Though Technically Doable

UK social workers following the latest batch of the EU’s totalitarian Communist Federation regulations being imposed on this once-sceptered isle have banned a young woman from her own wedding in a ridiculous broughaha over whether she is bright enough to get married. Continue Reading

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Guinness Records: Hardest, Oldest, Smallest & Tallest

Guinness Records: Hardest, Oldest, Smallest & Tallest

And now – the latest Guinness World Records:

A two-time Guinness record holder is hoping to enter the prestigious compendium yet again with a third placing by completing 100 push-ups in 60 seconds – using his penis – while viewing stimulating televised images of a belly dancer to keep him focused and phallically erect. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Society, Strange People0 Comments

Yob Fined for Getting Cat Stoned on Ganja

Yob Fined for Getting Cat Stoned on Ganja

A teenage yob who was filmed on a mobile phone forcing a neighbour’s terrified tomcat to inhale cannabis while captive in a clear plastic laundry bag – before swinging it round his head like a Gaucho’s bolas – was slapped with an Asbo to stay away from animals for 10 years today. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Strange People0 Comments

Pensioner Crushed Under Pile of Old Tat

Pensioner Crushed Under Pile of Old Tat

The body of an elderly shopaholic was found underneath piles of cut price car boot sales tat, chrome-plated bric-a-brac and other similar cheap materialistic crap and bling items – which crushed her to death, an inquest heard today at a Smegmadale Coroner’s Court. Continue Reading

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Knackers to Knockers: Tranny Prisoner Wins Appeal

Knackers to Knockers: Tranny Prisoner Wins Appeal

The refusal to move a pre-operative transsexual prisoner from a men’s jail to a women’s prison is a violation of her human rights, according to a High Court judge. Deputy Judge Fellatia Faggorotti quashed Justice Secretary Jack Straw’s decision to keep the 27-year-old – who is now known as ‘Marion’ – in a male prison. Continue Reading

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Posted in Crime, Human Interest, Strange People1 Comment

Karma: Riot Cops Gas Themselves

Karma: Riot Cops Gas Themselves

Eighteen trainee officers have suffered burns to the faces, gone blind and had their lungs permanently damaged during a CS gas spray training exercise for the Greater Manchester Police’s ‘Riot Plod Squad’. The rookie recruits – hired from the redundant ranks of New Labour’s quango Renta-Thug sadist agency – were made to walk through clouds of the chemical mist to experience what it would be like to be ‘herding and kettling’ crowds of unruly jobless peasant demonstrators and other domestic terrorist types without the protection of gas masks. Continue Reading

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Posted in Crooked Cops, Human Interest0 Comments

Teachers Stigmatize Pupils Due Birth Names

Teachers Stigmatize Pupils Due Birth Names

Shit-for-brains UK teachers with an NVQ1 diploma in Advanced Guesswork claim they can tell which pupils are likely to play up or be the local Anti-Christ incarnate simply by looking at their names – according to a recent government survey. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Strange People3 Comments

Arkansas Mum Has 19th Nervous Breakdown

Arkansas Mum Has 19th Nervous Breakdown

Bobbie-Joe Muffitch from Twattown, Arkansas, is expecting her 19th new arrival in March next year. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Television1 Comment

Obama: Stop Bothering Me

Obama: Stop Bothering Me

Washington — A source close to President Barack Obama tells Washington Post Associate Editor Bob Woodward that the President has begun to chafe at his inability to get away from the job, even at his vacation retreat on Martha’s Vineyard. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Politics, Top Stories1 Comment

Obamas Worry Martha’s Vineyard Visit “Looks Elitist”

Obamas Worry Martha’s Vineyard Visit “Looks Elitist”

National Enquirer — An intrepid National Enquirer reporter has managed the near-impossible: gain access to the Obama compound on Martha’s Vineyard posing as a landscaper. During his time at the estate, John Smith discovered a hiding place in the bushes outside a screened-in porch where top advisors gathered to discuss political strategy. Following is a partial transcript of one of the sessions Smith taped: Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Politics0 Comments

Obama to Begin New World Apology Tour in Cuba

Obama to Begin New World Apology Tour in Cuba

Washington – When President Barack Obama arrives in Havana for a state visit next month, he will personally apologize to late Cuban Premier Fidel Castro for decades of American interference with Cuba’s efforts to destabilize the Southern Hemisphere. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, World News0 Comments

Trophy Wives Falling on Hard Times

Trophy Wives Falling on Hard Times

High society is really taking a beating in this economic crisis. The scores of trophy wives who have been left to fend for themselves by husbands caught in the unfortunate outing of greed and corruption on Wall Street are not taking their fall from status lying down—well, maybe they’ll take it lying down if the opportunity presents itself—anyway, there are many former well-to-do women out there who, because of the recent convictions of their high profile spouses, have begun to wonder, “will I ever shop at Gucci again?” Continue Reading

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Hillary Trashes Bill on “Oprah”

Hillary Trashes Bill on “Oprah”

Chicago – In a widely anticipated appearance on the Oprah Winfrey show, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton offered her sympathy to Jenny Sanford, the wife of admitted adulterer, South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford. To the audience’s surprise, Mrs. Clinton then addressed nagging questions about her own marriage to Bill Clinton. Continue Reading

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Human Interest, Politics1 Comment

Crush on Dora of Explorer Fame Finally Reality

Crush on Dora of Explorer Fame Finally Reality

Like any good American, I watch an inordinate, almost embarrassing amount of television. Personally, I’m partial to cartoons and shows involving adults dressed as oversized animals, typically dancing around while pretending to teach some lesson or other, but what I’m most partial to is that most alluring of child-centric starlets, Dora the Explorer. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest0 Comments

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