A new study released by Barvard University shows a startling shift in the demographics of the United States from predominantly white to now overwhelmingly Filipina.
The report reveals that Filipina women now comprise 59 percent of the population, dwarfing the totals of all countries, including the Philippines itself.
According to head researcher Clarence Bummers, no simple explanation exists for the tremendous changeover. “We’re looking at different factors, including overnight immigration mobs, hidden communities in Rhode Island, and even the possibility of a terror plot orchestrated by the Flemish.”
When asked by chief MSNBC correspondent Alex Jones if the Filipinas may have been dropped by aliens as part of a plan to overpower the United States, Bummers conceded “That is something we are unable to rule out at this time.”
Experts say the population movement could force the Philippines to enter the UN Security Council in place of France, thus demoting the latter nation to the title of “Wussystan” in accordance with international law. Sources say Francois Hollande is fine with this, providing he is still permitted to smoke profusely and never wash.
Pressure is now heightening on the White House for Barack Obama to resign the presidency and make way for the first female commander-in-chief, who would of course be Filipina.
Upon getting word, Hillary Clinton reportedly fell to her knees, fired several (blank) shots into the air, and cried “There was a firefight!”