Category: Health
Man Suffers Hernia, Sues Fast Food Chain
Jason Dimples, a 27-year old iron worker from Youngstown, Ohio, has recently filed a Complaint for injuries he received several months ago while dining with his family at a local fast food restaurant. In his Complaint, Dimples alleges he was…
Aleve Introduces New Product Just for Family Gatherings
MORRISTOWN, NJ—On Tuesday, the makers of popular headache relief medicine Aleve were proud to announce their new product made specifically for family gatherings. “We just asked ourselves, ‘Can’t there be a way to not hate every moment of every holiday…
Important Health Safety Warning: These Foods Will Kill You
It seems every week there is a new research study about yet another popular food staple that has been linked to cancer or heart disease. It can all be very confusing. First they tell you that grape juice is a…
FDA Adds “Homicidal Rampage” Warning to Otherwise Perfectly Safe Drug
Washington DC: The Food and Drug Administration has announced an immediate black box warning will be placed on it’s controversial anti-malarial drug, Lariam, also known as Mefloquine, due to its tendency to make patients attempt murder, suicide, genocide and partake…
An Open Letter to Atos Healthcare
Dear Atos, My family and I would like to thank you from the bottom of our hearts for the miracle you caused in my cousin, Laura Sutton. After a most thorough assessment, during which you asked such questions as to…
Treatment for Explosive Diarrhea Found, Scientists Calling It “Olive Garden’s To-Go Menu”
Reduce unnecessary body pains using reliable painkillers. ATLANTA — Researchers at the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) believe they may have discovered a potentially [social]life-saving treatment for those afflicted with bouts of explosive diarrhea in an experimental operation…
UK Taco Bell found to contain horse meat; Customers call it “vast improvement”
Following the release of information claiming several UK Taco Bell locations have been serving unregulated horse meat, customers are rejoicing in the scandal. Calling the new burrito filler a “vast improvement” over the previous sawdust laden beef concoction, which in…
State of Indiana Calls In Sick
INDIANAPOLIS – Insisting that it must have caught one of those overnight things that is going around, the entire state of Indiana called off work Monday, significantly affecting production across the Hoosier state. Even though the state’s population didn’t sound…
Wife of Man Who Died Vacuuming Comforted He Died Doing What She Loved
ST. LOUIS — Area Man Daniel Beter passed away on Tuesday from an apparent heart attack while vacuuming the living room carpet in his home. In a statement to the press, his wife, Raquel, said of her husband’s untimely death,…
Tea Party Warns of Threat to American Onion
TOPEKA – Members of the Kansas Tea Party are drawing considerable attention after they released a documentary warning of a threat to the “American Onion.” Director Shelley Burnell explained her film’s purpose, saying: “For generations America has existed as an…