Categorized | Health

Wife of Man Who Died Vacuuming Comforted He Died Doing What She Loved

Wife of Man Who Died Vacuuming Comforted He Died Doing What She Loved

ST. LOUIS — Area Man Daniel Beter passed away on Tuesday from an apparent heart attack while vacuuming the living room carpet in his home.

In a statement to the press, his wife, Raquel, said of her husband’s untimely death, ”While it saddens me that my beloved husband of 10 years is no longer with us, I find solace in the fact that he died doing the one thing that made me truly happy – giving me a freaking break and helping out around here for a change.”

RIGHT: An official police forensics photo was leaked to the press prior to the autopsy. (CLICK TO ENLARGE)

Added Mrs. Beter, “While it may have taken him 10 years to finally pitch in and clean up after himself, I’m just relieved that he was able to accomplish my life’s goal before he passed. He died with no regrets [on my part].”

While experts are still unsure whether the vacuum cleaner caused the heart attack, the National Lobby for Husbands and Boyfriends (NLHB) is demanding that the CDC search for some kind of link between the Y chromosome and an increased risk of death associated with performing household chores. The NLHB is claiming that any correlation whatsoever – no matter how irrational or unlikely – will do.

Despite criticism from the National Lobby of Wives and Girlfriends (NLWG), the all-male lobby insists that they are “only seeking to prevent this type of senseless tragedy from happening ever again.”

At press time, it was reported that authorities had taken Mrs. Beter into custody for allegedly assaulting a member of the police forensics team during the body-outlining process because he had – according to Mrs. Beter – “purposely stuck tape to the freaking carpet.”

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- who has written 45 posts on GlossyNews.com.

If you enjoyed this article, well, there's probably something deeply wrong with you. Fortunately, I'm neither your psychiatrist nor your sponsor. I'm an enabler, and I've got more of that sweet, sweet satire on my website, Reidicule News. Go ahead. Click it and get your fix. I won't judge.

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2 Responses to “Wife of Man Who Died Vacuuming Comforted He Died Doing What She Loved”

  1. Aefer says:

    I’m just delighted to see an obviously original photo.

  2. Reidicule says:

    Haha, thanks for noticing!

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