Archive | Health

Counter Protester Turns to Cannibalism

Counter Protester Turns to Cannibalism

Kayotic City, CA – Things turned ugly Wednesday night at a gathering of citizens in favor of President Obama’s Health Care Reform Bill, when a counter-protester ran up to one of the march participants and bit off the tip of his finger. The victim, Phil Langes, was rushed to Los Rabies Hospital and Medical Center’s emergency room; however, the finger tip could not be sewn back on due to the fact that the man who bit it off appears to have swallowed it. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Health, Top Stories0 Comments

Obama Proposes Pet Health Care Plan to Woo Seniors

Obama Proposes Pet Health Care Plan to Woo Seniors

Stung by reports that the elderly are turning against his health care reform proposal, President Barack Obama is prepared to offer seniors a series of incentives to get them back on board. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Health, Politics0 Comments

Kennedy to Achieve Health Care Reform from Grave

Kennedy to Achieve Health Care Reform from Grave

Washington — Washington Post Associate Editor Bob Woodward reports that the Obama Administration plans to use the death of Senator Ted Kennedy to fast-track its health care reform measure now languishing in Congress. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Health, Politics, Top Stories0 Comments

Swine Flu Vaccine Banned in Kosher Israel

Swine Flu Vaccine Banned in Kosher Israel

Jerusalem – Israeli Health officials have announced today that the swine flu vaccine will not be made available to the general public as punishment for the more than 1,700 people who went against Hebrew law by contracting swine flu. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Health6 Comments

Waterproof Sunscreen Useless Against Crying, Leads to More

Waterproof Sunscreen Useless Against Crying, Leads to More

When selecting a brand, type and configuration of sunscreen, it’s important to bear in mind your needs, lifestyle and personal habits. For us, it was easy to choose a high SPF rating, opt for the waterproof, and go with a trusted name brand. What I didn’t take into account was my personal propensity for crying, and none of the brands had anything to protect me from that. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Health0 Comments

Secret Obama Health Strategy Leaked

Secret Obama Health Strategy Leaked

Washington Post Associate Editor Bob Woodward revealed today that a high-level White House source has provided him with transcripts of Obama War Room strategy sessions. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Health, Politics0 Comments

Teens Having Less Sex (in the missionary position)

Teens Having Less Sex (in the missionary position)

According to research conducted nationwide, conventional teen coitus is on the downturn. Not in favor of abstinence, but in favor of more exhausting, athletic and often dangerous positions. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Health0 Comments

Americans Depressed Over “Fat” Stereotype Seek Solace in Cheesecake

Americans Depressed Over “Fat” Stereotype Seek Solace in Cheesecake

Americans, long iconic heroes to ignorant third-worlders and lesser ethnics alike, have in recent decades been labeled as nothing more than lazy, overweight, couch-faring snobs by counterparts in Europe and Asia alike. This reputation may have exacerbated the problem as, increasingly, Americans are found seeking comfort and acceptance both from Big Mars as well as pints of double-fudge ice cream. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Health0 Comments

Slut 2.0 Introduces Hot-Swappable Ports

Slut 2.0 Introduces Hot-Swappable Ports

On the eve of release, designers and critics alike are praising the much anticipated release of the newest version of Slut. Whether you are a casual user or a diehard Slut enthusiast, the robust build promises a hole new experience in high speed access. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Health, Technology0 Comments

Ball Cancer; Testing your Testes for Health and Safety

Ball Cancer; Testing your Testes for Health and Safety

Among the rarest of cancers comes cancer of the testes. Glossy News brings you these helpful tips to keeping your balls healthy. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Health0 Comments

Viagra Adopts White Rabbit as Jingle – “Feed Your Head”

Viagra Adopts White Rabbit as Jingle – “Feed Your Head”

Pfizer has released their newest series of commercials for the highly popular erectile dysfunction drug, Viagra. During a New York Yankees game last week Pfizer debuted their new commercial. The new advertising campaign abandons their previous approach of “Blue pill makes pappy happy,” in favor of their more direct demographic approach. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Health, Strange People0 Comments

Tattoo Fails to be Even Remotely Sexy

Tattoo Fails to be Even Remotely Sexy

Jerri-Anne Thomas is a newly divorced, middle-aged, portly housewife who has been working hard to express the hunger of her acute onset mid-life crisis. When her sexually liberated spinster friend got a new tattoo hailed as sexy by a variety of fellow bar-goers, Jerri-Anne decided it was just the thing for her. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Health, Human Interest0 Comments

Razor Blade Sales Down Despite Halloween

Razor Blade Sales Down Despite Halloween

Major razor manufacturer Gillette and pin and needle maker PrickCo have shown slumping sales, even though Halloween is only days away. Late October usually sees a surge in sales of razors, needles, and other sharp objects. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Health0 Comments

Woman “Powdering Nose” Actually Taking Big Ol’ Dump

Woman “Powdering Nose” Actually Taking Big Ol’ Dump

SAN FRANCISCO – While on a dinner date with Oakland resident Robert Madison, 25, Eva Truman, 24, excused herself, claiming she had to powder her nose. Subsequent investigation, though, has revealed an ulterior motive to her bathroom visit Tuesday night. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Health0 Comments

Page 17 of 17« First...10...1314151617
Glossy News Exclusive Exposés


-- (SEE ALL GlossyNews.com Videos) --



Glossy News Fake Commercials!





Glossy News Podcast


(Listen on iTunes or Libsyn)


More Great Satire:

Check out links to even more of our friends...
Want to see Your Link Here?



Our Top Authors (last 30-days)



All of Our Categories:

Top Stories - Top Stories; Politics - Top Stories; Serious Commentary - Top Stories; World News - Top Stories; Biz News - Top Stories; War Zone | Horoscopes
Entertainment - Entertainment; Celebrity Gossip - Entertainment; Television - Entertainment; Music - Entertainment; Internet Tubes - Entertainment; Books, Newspapers & Misc - Entertainment; Movies
Society - Society; Health - Society; Crime - Society; Travel - Society; Crooked Cops - Society; Education - Society; Strange People - Society; Religionism - Society; Human Interest - Society; Kidz Zone
Science and Technology - Science and Technology; Science - Science and Technology; Technology - Science and Technology; Gadgets & Gizmos - Science and Technology; Environment
Sports - Sports; Scandals - Sports; Athletes - Sports; Events | All the Rest - News in Your Briefs - Making Headlines - Opinion/Editorial