Category: Health
Portland: Fluoride is the Least of Your Worries
In Portland, Oregon today, many citizens are worried about fluoride and its potential effects such that they have voted against its inclusion in their water supply four times in the last six decades. However, what Portlanders seem to be unaware…
Texas Judge In Quite the Moral Quandary After Unborn Fetus Kills 3
WACO, TEXAS — The Hon. Judge Earl Baker is reportedly “in a pretty big pickle” following the conviction of an unborn fetus who was found guilty of murdering a family of three earlier this year. According to court records from…
Report: Libertarianism Classified As Mental Disorder
In a development that is stirring nationwide anger, the American Psychological Association has released a report classifying Libertarianism as a mental disorder. Head researcher Paul Keynes discussed the organization’s findings, which were gleaned from a 10-year study that interviewed and…
Taco Bell Elects to Take USDA Meat Test Pass/Fail
IRVINE, CALIF — Taco Bell announced in a statement last week that they have elected to take this year’s USDA meat test on a pass/fail basis, rather than risking another poor performance on the agency’s traditional grading scale. According to…
McDonald’s Launches Healthy Go-Eat-Elsewhere Option
Responding to ongoing criticism of its nutritional practices, fast food giant McDonald’s today announced its new healthy go-and-eat-somewhere-else option. From December 1st, select McDonald’s chains across the country will be offering several all-new disclaimers on its menu, including “you might…
NRA Slams Birth Control: “We Must Fight Semen With Semen”
WASHINGTON — In a prepared statement, the Neonatal Responsibility Association (NRA) announced their official stance on the highly contested birth control debate. According to the statement, the NRA argues that “any attempt to infringe on a woman’s right to bear…
Study: Libertarians Enjoy BDSM More Than Fascists
Results of a new study completed by Grove City College suggest self-identifying libertarians like Bondage, Dominance, Submission, Sadism and Masochism (BDSM) relationships more than their opposites on the political spectrum: the fascists. Out of the 10000 people polled (split 50-50…
Ghost Pepper Vodka Review; Dear God Don’t Do It (video)
I bought a bag of dried ghost peppers from World Spice Market in Seattle last month and decided to try some different recipes with it. Ghost Pepper infused vodka, however, was a terrible, terrible idea. I soaked two full ghost…
US suicide rate jumps; unemployment rate falls
The suicide rate among middle-aged Americans was much higher in the previous two months than the government first estimated. The suicides reduced the unemployment rate from 7.6 percent to a four-year low of 7.5 percent. The report from the United…
7-11 Guy Says You Drink Too Much (comic)
If you’ve ever wondered if you’re drinking too much, look inwards, towards your liver, and find the answers. If that doesn’t work, you can also just wait until the people selling you your poison of choice tell you that you…