Category: Education
Facing SOC 101 Test, Man Makes Peace w/ God
MIDDELTOWN – With the frightening prospect of his last test this semester for SOC 101 at Lord Fairfax Community College heightening, Bo Buzby is heading to church. “I simply cannot afford to go through with this trial without first making…
YOLO Demise Discovered; Most Adherents Deceased (Part 1)
YOLO, short for “you only live once”. Easily the “don’t worry, be happy” of 2011, is now gone, all but forgotten. But why is this phrase out of use? A recent study finds it’s because most who lived by it…
PhD Thesis Lists “Yahoo Answers” as Source
MIT has become embroiled in a massive academic scandal after the discovery that one of its PhD students’ thesis utilized Yahoo Answers as a source. Although details are still murky, sources inside the university claim PhD candidate Phillip Kwon inserted…
Report: Someone, Somewhere Actually Pursuing Career In Dental Hygiene
INDIANAPOLIS – A report released Friday has found that someone, somewhere is actively taking steps to realize a lifelong dream of becoming a dental hygienist. General Dentist No, this isn’t the name of an old WWII general who served in…
Plan to Introduce Head Lice in Ohio Schools Has Many Scratching Their Heads
The Ohio State Board of Education is set to vote on a new policy aimed at curbing violence in Ohio schools by introducing head lice to K-12 campuses statewide. The vote comes on the heels of a similar decision by…
Student Cramming in Some Last Minute Procrastination
MUNCIE, IN – Ahead of his first midterm exam Monday, Ball State University English major, Ross O’Keefe, was hard at work Sunday cramming in some much-needed and last minute procrastination. Equipping himself with the tools required to compose a detailed…
Family Research Council: Maryland Lawyers, Prepare for Divorce Workload
In an email sent to several law firms in Maryland, the Family Research Council (FRC) advised that should the marriage equality referendum pass on November 6th, they will be overrun with requests for divorce from currently married men. This warning…
Lewd, Lascivious Lawyer Legal Literature
A LEWD, LASCIVIOUS LOOK AT OUR LOCAL LAW LIBRARY. They say that lawyers are a breed apart. In fact, we should wonder if they should really even be considered a part of the human species at all, especially as evidenced…
Roving Bands of Children Rule Chicago
CHICAGO- While the teachers strike is in full swing, the closing of public schools has allowed roving bands of children to compete for supremacy on Chicago’s streets. While reports are unclear which group has gained the most territory, it is…
16 Year Old Cambridge, MA, Girl Hates Being a Hoar
16-year-old Samantha Hoar (pro: Whore) told her parents today that she hates her name and wants to change it to something with less social stigma. Her wealthy parents refused her request. “The Hoars helped build this country,” said her father…