16-year-old Samantha Hoar (pro: Whore) told her parents today that she hates her name and wants to change it to something with less social stigma. Her wealthy parents refused her request.

“The Hoars helped build this country,” said her father Richard Hoar, Esq. of the law firm Hoar & Hoar. “If she doesn’t like being a Hoar then she will have to wait until she’s legal age before she can change it!”

“All the kids at school pick on me,” she argued. “Like one boy came up to me and said he’d like to go out with me but he can’t because his parents won’t let him date a Hoar! And there’s nothing worse than being the only Hoar on the cheerleading squad.”

Other parents echoed Samantha’s story. “I told my son he’s not to date any Hoars!” exclaimed Linda Rothburg, parent of a 16 year-old male classmate. “Could you imagine what I would tell the ladies at the garden club if my son was dating a Hoar?”

Some Cambridge residents expressed sympathy with Samantha’s plight. Steven Gay, a local filmmaker, claims he suffered the same stigma in high school. “Girls would say, ‘oh, here comes the Gay guy,’” he stated.

Gay did say that when he entered college he would find people much more accepting of his name and the stigma would disappear. “College kids are much more accepting of Hoars and Gays,” Gay reassured her. “My partner doesn’t mind being called Gay.”