MIDDELTOWN – With the frightening prospect of his last test this semester for SOC 101 at Lord Fairfax Community College heightening, Bo Buzby is heading to church.
“I simply cannot afford to go through with this trial without first making my peace with God. The possibility of defeat ain’t outside tarnation, and so I’m not sure what to do,” he conceded.
Buzby came to the realization that he needed to be ready for the end after realizing his grades in the introductory Sociology course haven’t been so hot this semester. With one F, two D’s and one C- in all the exams so far, as well as straight zeroes across all homework, Buzby is on the edge between a passing grade of D- and complete failure of the course. He needs to earn an A if the former is to become reality.
Speaking to reporters he said, “Ain’t somethin I’m proud of, but I was born with two strong hands to work my daddy’s land, not work academics.”
Upon hearing Buzby’s justification for his lackluster performance, classmate Fran Cesca was incredulous.
“Oh piffle! That ain’t a proper excuse! I’ve raised barns while sweating like logs, fixed fence posts and fed the hogs, and I’m still getting A’s!
Should Buzby fail to pass the test, his plan to work the land may not be so secure after his father decided to replace him as a farmhand with two immigrants from Guatemala.
“They don’t speak much American, but they’re both strong as bulls and cost only half of what Bo does,” said Buford Buzby.
Confronted by reporters as he left the local bar, Buzby coyly smiled. “Don’t you worry those little hearts. I just got a job offer from the Superbig Walmart.”