A LEWD, LASCIVIOUS LOOK AT OUR LOCAL LAW LIBRARY.
They say that lawyers are a breed apart. In fact, we should wonder if they should really even be considered a part of the human species at all, especially as evidenced by a peek at these books found at our local campus law library:
Famous Humanistic Lawyers
A three page book; one of those being the title page and the other the Table of Contents.
How to Sue Anybody, for Anything, Anytime
A bestseller.
Lawyer Love Stories
Only two volumes and mostly pornographic.
Law Ethics
A slim volume that is rarely checked out.
Law Poetry
Nonexistent.
Law and Censorship
Banned.
Philosophy and Its Implications for Law
Barely read because no one understands it.
Fond Nostalgic Memories of Lawyers
Stories of strip clubs and all-night binges.
Classical Law Literature
So moldy its pages fall apart.
Law Pornography
The most checked out book at the library.
Being a Lawyer for Dummies
The second most checked out book in the library.
The Moral Responsibility of Lawyers
An obsolete volume being sold used in the book store for 50 cents.
Anarchistic Law
What all the law students secretly read and dream about but would never admit to.
Greed and Power
What Is Wrong With That Anyway? – Always checked out.
Getting Rid of the Constitution
An Important Step In Maximizing Our Income And Our Power Over The System – Considered a modern classic.
Humanistic Law
and other mythical entities.
The Honest Lawyer
A fairy tale.
Why Steven Spielberg Named the Shark in Jaws After His Attorney
A rare instance of legal humor.
The Scopes Monkeys Trial
The day the monkeys won.
How To Get Your Conscience Out of the Way of Making Money
A self help guide for rabid lawyers.
Sizing Up Your Client: How To Shakedown the Patsy Mentally Before You Even Take Him On as a Client
A bestseller.
Getting Money Out of the Government (They Are Just a Big Pushover)
A bestseller.
How To Squeeze Money Out of Even the Poorest of Clients
A bestseller.
International Law; The Fine Art of Screwing People in Other Countries in Other Languages for Other Money
A bestseller.
How To Grind Someone’s Balls To Dust Legally
A bestseller.
Ruining Other Peoples Lives for Fun and Profit
A (need we even say it?) bestseller.
You know, for all the bad rap (or is it rep? never sure on that one) that lawyers get, I’ve had really, really good luck with them. I think that’s because I never go cheap.
Buy the best lawyers and you’ll always come out on top. Tax attorney, traffic ticket attorneys, employment attorney and car accident attorney.
I’ve always won… so I guess this article is about… your attorney.