Category: Crime
Smokin’ Token Miley’s Bong “Not Police Evidence,” Up for Sale
Picutres of the annoying starlet choking up on the toke bat surfaced last month, which she dismissed as representing something slightly more legal than marijuana. Yesterday, it was announced the now famous bong is up for sale. Police have assured…
Investigation of Elizabeth Edwards Death Announced
Senator Denton R. Fender (R-TX) this week revealed hearings will begin in January regarding the suspicious death of Elizabeth Edwards, wife of former Presidential hopeful John Edwards. The press release hints at a scandal so diabolical, DC pundits are already…
God Confirms Intervention in Florida School Board Shooting
Panama City, FL. (GlossyNews.com) – School superintendent Bill Husfelt, who survived a gunman’s vendetta during a board meeting on Tuesday, claims God protected him when suspect Clay Duke opened fire on him and his colleagues. “God was standing in front…
The Term ‘CEO’ Now Has So Many Different Meanings
At one time in our no-so-distant past the term ‘CEO’, meaning ‘Chief Executive Officer’, was invented to replace the perfectly good word ‘President’ as the title for the person heading up a company or corporation. For some reason, some bureaucratic…
Manson Claims He Used Cell Phone to Call Satan
Authorities at Corcoran State Prison in Corcoran, California recently found a cell phone under inmate Charles Manson’s pillow. When confronted, Manson claimed that he didn’t even know what the hell the thing was and said someone must have planted it…
‘Wannabe’ Terrorist Punk’d In Portland… Aw, Snap
PORTLAND, Ore GlossyNews.com — Taking their cue from the genius of Ashton Kutcher, the FBI staged an elaborate prank on a Corvallis, OR teenager who thought he was part of a Jihadist plot to kill Christmas. Mohamed Osman Mohamud, 19,…
Local Satirist Found Dead; Fowl Play Suspected
DUNCAN, OK (Glossynews)– A local satire writer has been found dead in front of his home from multiple gunshot wounds. The assault apparently took place late last night. Police aren’t releasing any information, but several alleged eyewitnesses who prefer to…
Despite Strong Support, Prop 19 Fails Due to Inaction, Dude
LOS ANGELES, CA – GlossyNews.com – Supporters of Proposition 19, which would have legalized, taxed and regulated the sale and use of marijuana in California, promised more action in future elections after suffering a defeat on either Tuesday or Wednesday…
Osama Bin Laden Found by San Francisco Crackhead
SAN FRANCISCO, Calif. (Glossy News) — October 5, 2010, was as any other day in San Francisco. Tenderloin beat cop Mike McKenna stepped into his routine that morning, patrolling the stretch of Leavenworth that starts at Market Street and ends…
After Arresting Thief, Officer in Custody for Dismembering Football Fans
DALLAS, Texas (Glossy News) — Lifelong Dallas resident, 82-year-old Opal Katz, was walking down busy Reynolds Street, struggling to drag two large plastic garbage bags behind her, when one of the bags ripped and began spilling new $20 bills onto…