Categorized | Crime

Manson Claims He Used Cell Phone to Call Satan

Manson Claims He Used Cell Phone to Call Satan

Authorities at Corcoran State Prison in Corcoran, California recently found a cell phone under inmate Charles Manson’s pillow. When confronted, Manson claimed that he didn’t even know what the hell the thing was and said someone must have planted it there. “Hey, man,” I’m a child from the 60’s, man. What the hell would I know about some piece of shit from the 90’s or whatever the hell decade we’re in, man?” shouted Manson as he grabbed a gnat from the air and ate it.

However, later at dinner, Manson was overheard telling another inmate that he has finally found a way to communicate with his master, Satan.

“Yeah, man, someone passed me this little square thing and said it was a cell phone and told me I could call people on it. I opened it and looked at it, but it didn’t do anything, so I figured I’d have to go back to my cell before it would work,” Manson related to the lifer known only as Mac, who’d been in Corcoran since 1937, and didn’t even really know how a regular telephone worked.

“When I got back to my cell, I started punching a bunch of sixes into the thing, you know, like 666 and stuff and then I heard some guy yelling ‘hello, hello.’ Jesus Christ,” said Manson, “it sounded just like Satan, so I got on there and started chatting with him, you know, like asking him how many people he killed today and mostly just bullshitting with him about Satany stuff, but mostly he just kept saying “who is this? Are you crazy? And when I told him ‘it’s me, Manson, man,’ he just laughed and said ‘sure, Manson,’ but he didn’t sound like he believed me, so I told him I was gonna cut off his head and shit down his neck and then he hung up on me man.”

Manson claims that Satan sounds just like a regular guy, “like a plumber or something, not nothing like the leader of the underworld, man. What a fu*king downer. All these years I’ve been telling people Satan is my master, and it turns out Satan is just another bullshit nobody man.”

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- who has written 457 posts on GlossyNews.com.

P. Beckert's is one voice vying for frequency room at the top of the opinion dial. Angered and bewildered by many of today’s events, P. Beckert uses humor as a tool to fight against an onslaught of stupidity and ignorance that seems to permeate the airwaves and pollute the sensitivities of a once brilliant nation. You can find more at ISaidLaughDammit.blogspot.com.

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8 Responses to “Manson Claims He Used Cell Phone to Call Satan”

  1. freeManson says:

    Charles Manson never killed anyone and never ordered anyone to commit crimes. He never received a fair trial because they knew he could prove he’s innocence. It is unbelievable that in a land what is called ‘a land of civilization’, a man is forbidden to show evidence or call witnesses allegedly because he so-called could hypnotize judges and juries.

    Charles Manson was no cult leader, cult leaders are psychopaths who plan and highly structured organise: like the cult leader James Warren “Jim” Jones did.
    Charles Manson is not a psychopath and suffer from no mental illness.
    All antisocial disturbed people, have common symptoms: they are ‘anti-social’.
    Charles Manson he’s stable long friendships with many, good citizens prove that he is a social person who has a great sense of what happens with our environment
    The people that really know the person Charles Manson know that he is innocent and he is a social, supportive generous person with creative hobbies such as music and designing fine hand work of art

  2. lostkey11 says:

    this story is absolutely unacceptable and lacking any sense of jounalistic integrity-what a farce-the time it took to concoct this outrageous piece of garbage could of been spent writing a Release Charles Manson Now petition.firstly the cell phone inceident happened well over a year ago and was only recently leaked due to the ultier motive of banning all cell phone useage in facilities where this is allowed-once again using and misusing the noble name of Charles Manson for other less noble agendas-Manson did not say such ludicrious comments and he doesnt even speak in the manner in which these qoutes suggest!!!Manson is not a child of the sixties-he was born in 1934!!! MARK MY WORDS-THERES A COLD WIND BLOWING-THERE WILL COME A DAY WHEN ALL THESE MEDIA WHORES WILL HAVE TO PAY FOR THE PERPETUAL SLANDER AND OUTLANDISH REMARKS REGARDING POLITICAL PRISONER B33920-Charles Milles Manson!

  3. rfreed says:

    Someone check quickly and make sure there hasn’t been a breakout at the California loony bin….

    Please hurry………..

  4. JC says:

    What bullshit. I love how anyone can print anything without any repercussion. This story is obviously pulled out of someone’s ass. This article is obviously mean tto be funny, not factual. However, the world is full of naive, stupid people who believe anything and everything printed. They will no doubt believe this pile of crap that someone may see as “journalism.”
    Get a life and write real stories about relevant things; Japan, poverty, oil crisis, our last Redwoods being cut down, the fact that only 24% of America’s fresh water is clean, etc.
    This is nothing but tabloid garbage.

  5. Donald G. says:

    Bullshit article. Corocoran has only been in existence since 1988, so how could someone be there since 1937? Also this was Manson’s second cell phone. He knows what they are. Dumb article.

  6. Brian K. White says:

    Well the good news is the culty-crazies have turned out in force, and only 10-weeks after the article was first published. That’s gotta count for something.

    Note to you crazies. Tone down the language or I’ll stop approving the comments.

  7. Donald G. says:

    Crazy? So, that is it, right? You are on one side or you are crazy? Well, now I can see what provoked this article to be written.

  8. Brian K. White says:

    Hey dumbasses, are you aware of what this site is, or what satire is?

    Okay, got a few nasty, obscene responses after the warning went out, all of them in direct response to the warning. We’re done, crazytowners, comments are disabled.

    Thanks for playing.

    Go peddle your insanity and abuse somewhere else.

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