WELL, DUH! BBC Poll: 100% of UK Citizens Consider VIP Paedo Rings a Myth…

In the UK, former paediatric nurse Carl Beech has been accused of falsely concocting claims of VIP paedophile rings.

This raises some troubling questions (and unwelcome memories) for a lot of people in the UK and worldwide; especially in light of Jeffrey ‘Jail Bait Jeff’ Epstein and his alleged links to Trump and Clinton; the latter two, of course, are widely considered to be no strangers to seedy behavior.

Fortunately, however, the Westminster establishment’s well-heeled firefighters, the Fake News BBC, have ridden to the rescue of the real victims here: the vulnerable and frightened victims of widespread abuse and maltreatment we like to call ‘the Conservative Party’ and ‘the Labour Party.’

An impromptu poll on the BBC’s website shows the following largely reassuring findings:

100% of people in the UK believe VIP paedophile rings are a myth.

100% of people in the UK gave a max rating of ‘very satisfied’ for the personal character and integrity of our politicians.

100% of people believe the VIP paedophile ring myth is a Russian psy-op.

Now as a slight wild card (just to be ‘fair and balanced!), a rather pedantic figure of 90.111111111111111% believe that Saddam Hussein never really died, but is currently frying burgers with Elvis in an organic quinoa joint in Kensington, illicitly funded from a North Korea trust fund widely considered to be the doing of Shergar, Lord Lucan, the Andorran Gay Illuminati and the Serbian Metrosexual Skull ‘n’ Bones Club!

In other news, the Islamic Republic are also hitting the heights of True Pollsterdom with a 1009% favorable rating for Ayatollah Khameini.

Needless to say, allegations of terrified citizens voting hundreds of times just to be on the safe side have been correctly identified by Iran Press TV and partner outlets Gaza Times / Gaza Times of London / CNN / The Guardian as a disingenous Mossad / Putin / Bannon / Farage psy-op, with lashings of bonus tips from Lord Voldemort, Sauron and the White Witch.

Now, we really would like to update you on a highly relevant and obviously convincing True Poll from the North Korea True News: but their Choson dynasty abacuses seem to be malfunctioning a little.

In the meantime, do feel free to breathe a sigh of relief…

Your future, and your children’s future, is all in safe ‘hands.’

Author: Wallace Runnymede

Wallace is the editor of Brian K. White's epic website, Glossy News! Email him with your content at wallacerunnymede#gmail.com (Should be @, not #!) Or if you'd like me to help you tease out some ideas that you can't quite put into concrete form, I'd love to have some dialogue with you! Catch me on Patreon too, or better still, help out our great writers on the official Glossy News Patreon (see the bottom of the homepage!) Don't forget to favourite Glossy News in your browser, and like us on Facebook too! And last but VERY MUCH not the least of all... Share, share, SHARE! Thanks so much for taking the time to check out our awesome site!