Archive | Science & Technologizzy

Paleontologists Find Mastodon Remains in Congressmen Waxman’s Paleolithic Nostrils

Paleontologists Find Mastodon Remains in Congressmen Waxman’s Paleolithic Nostrils

Washington, DC- Glossy News(House of Representatives-Capitol Hill) Congressmen Henry Waxman (D-CA) never guessed he would be in the news for something un-related to politics, but stranger things have happened to people as strange looking as the Democratic Representative from California’s 30th District. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Science1 Comment

IQ of iPhone 4 Buyers Related to Place in Line at iPhone Sale

IQ of iPhone 4 Buyers Related to Place in Line at iPhone Sale

Tawdry Soup has found the IQ level of iPhone 4 purchasers is directly related to the place in line each person had when the portable phones went on sale, and the figures are surprising.

In the survey, administered as Tawdry Soup walked down the line that snaked around the block from the local Apple electronics store, a field IQ test asked some basic questions such as, “Does Christmas and New Year’s Day ever fall in the same year and Who is the President of the United States?” Continue Reading

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Posted in Gadgets & Gizmos, Technology1 Comment

Anti-Islamic Hackers Alter GPS Script to Divert Mecca-Bound Prayers

Anti-Islamic Hackers Alter GPS Script to Divert Mecca-Bound Prayers

JAKARTA Indonesia (GlossyNews) — At the insistence of Muslim holy leaders in the Saudi Arabian city of Mecca, an incredibly accurate new GPS tracking system will be installed to thwart anti-Islamic hackers who have recently been caught attempting to alter GPS signals to divert prayers meant to be recited directly towards Mecca. Continue Reading

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Posted in Gadgets & Gizmos, Religionism0 Comments

New Leak Linked to BP

New Leak Linked to BP

ROSWELL, New Mexico (GlossyNews) — In his harshest stance yet, President Barack Obama has demanded flailing petroleum giant BP establish yet another $20B set-aside to address more leak damage. At issue is the recent Wiki-leaks release of 91,000 classified documents, considered highly toxic by most defense analysts.

Said White House spokesman Robert Gibbs, “This thing undeniably looks like BP. It’s of unprecedented proportions, politically inconvenient, and clean-up will be a nightmare. So who do you think did it? A leak of these dimensions can only mean BP has failed to follow adequate safety procedures, yet again.”

Though in a leadership transition, BP was quick to respond on this latest disaster. Continue Reading

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Posted in Environment, World News0 Comments

Facebook Addiction Survivors Found Adrift in Cyberspace

Facebook Addiction Survivors Found Adrift in Cyberspace

RESTSTOP, Info Superhighway (GlossyNews) — A group of Facebook addiction survivors was found floating in cyberspace last night, clinging to the remnants of a past life spent ogling other people’s lives from the comfort of their home or office. The tattered and torn pride of Linda Deetle, Marvin Locke, Jennifer Pezelridge and four others, who pulled the plug on Facebook within the last week, was evident when Tawdry Soup caught up with the trio.

“I was lonely,” cried Deetle, a 47 year old widow, Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Science & Technologizzy0 Comments

California Goes Green by Harnessing Hatred of Prop 8 Proponents

California Goes Green by Harnessing Hatred of Prop 8 Proponents

HUNTINGTON BEACH, California (GLossyNews) — A California scientist has come up with a novel idea: He has learned to harness the hatred of millions of bigoted Californians to create energy and make minorities rich in the process. Doctor Eli Lafitte, a graduate of Grambling State University, and later of UC Berkeley, says he, “has long known about the energy that permeates a room when an African-American or gay person walks in. It is known as hate by gay people and racism by African-Americans. You can definitely feel it and it makes your hair stand on end, just like static electricity. Continue Reading

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Posted in Gadgets & Gizmos, Strange People5 Comments

This Friday the 13th Predicted to be Astronomical Doozy

This Friday the 13th Predicted to be Astronomical Doozy

VATICAN CITY (GlossyNews) — Several astronomers are coming right out and telling people to be extra careful this Friday the 13th due to the fact that in addition to the 13th falling on a Friday this month, another more sinister event will be happening in the skies that night—a triple conjunction with the moon lining up with Venus, Mars and Saturn all in close proximity that night. Also known as the “smiley face” effect, the occurrence is rare but has always been associated with significant happenings in history. Continue Reading

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Posted in Science & Technologizzy0 Comments

Apple Developing Drone Phones for Use While Driving

Apple Developing Drone Phones for Use While Driving

CUPERTINO, California – (Glossy News) Already iPhone 4 owners are being pulled over by the thousands and ticketed for using their new multi-tasking phones while driving, an illegal act in most states. Iphone 4 owners are complaining to Apple that they are finding it necessary to buy two, sometimes three replacement iphone 4’s due to having them confiscated by police officers. They are crying out to Apple to do something about it. Continue Reading

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Posted in Gadgets & Gizmos, Science & Technologizzy0 Comments

Remote Control Pets Deemed Nearer

Remote Control Pets Deemed Nearer

Rashomon Technologies today announced that it is discontinuing field trials for “Good-Dog” due to the technology’s stunningly successful performance. The product’s target launch date is late 2011, contingent on royalty and licensing agreements with US veterinarians. RT CEO Kazuo Kurosawa acted as ringmaster in the multi-media presentation of a consumer product that industry insiders believe will out sell the iPhone. Continue Reading

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Posted in Gadgets & Gizmos, Science & Technologizzy3 Comments

Oil Disaster Pummels Small Pennsylvania Town

Oil Disaster Pummels Small Pennsylvania Town

GETTYSBURG, Pennsylvania (GlossyNews) — The latest in a series of disasters has humbled a small town in Northeastern, PA. Naticoke, Pennsylvania, which was well known in the their region for being a major coal mining town in the 1930’s, was sent into a state of shock and panic this weekend. What was recently the scene of village-wide celebration in honor of the grand opening of a new Applebee’s restaurant has turned into a nightmare for many of the town’s four thousand plus citizens. Continue Reading

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Posted in Environment, Human Interest, Society1 Comment

Solar Tsunami Headed Toward Earth; What NASA Didn’t Say

Solar Tsunami Headed Toward Earth; What NASA Didn’t Say

From Astronomy Daily:

While NASA was trying to get our attention by telling us a Solar Tsunami is nothing to worry about and would only be responsible for bringing the Aurora Borealis further south for viewing, the very fact that the term tsunami was being used should have tipped us off that this was no ordinary magnetic field headed our way. We saw the effects of the tsunami that hit Indonesia and it was not all pink and green ribbons of light. It was death and destruction. If you’re going to use a word like tsunami, you better be ready to back it up with facts, which NASA unfortunately could not. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Science2 Comments

Director Cameron Making 4-D Movie

Director Cameron Making 4-D Movie

HOLLYWOODLAND, West Coast (GlossyNews) — Self-crowned ‘King of Directors’ James Cameron today announced a project expected to establish a new standard in cinema. Speaking from Malibu’s exclusive ‘Pssst, You can smoke in here’ Bistro, the mega-hit crafter was upbeat, while still maintaining his signature condescending tone. Continue Reading

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Posted in Entertainment, Science0 Comments

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