Archive | Science & Technologizzy

DNA Tests Reveal Hitler was a Woman

DNA Tests Reveal Hitler was a Woman

A large bone fragment of Adolf Hitler’s skull has been revealed as being that of a woman, according to the latest forensic tests carried out in the US by Princeton’s prestigious Institute of Advanced Guessology.

The section of bone – marked with a bullet hole through the right temporal squamus – was used to support the theory that Hitler shot himself after taking cyanide. Continue Reading

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Posted in Science & Technologizzy, Technology0 Comments

Prince Chucklehead: Environmental Savior, Saviour and Savant

Prince Chucklehead: Environmental Savior, Saviour and Savant

His Royal Highness Charles – the bat-eared Prince of Snails – is urging the common landless peasants of Merrie England to give up their cars in favour of walking or public transport to try to reduce carbon emissions and save large sections of the planet that he and his Mum own personally. Continue Reading

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Posted in Environment, Science & Technologizzy0 Comments

AccuWeather Forecast for Today – Sunshine – Que?‏

AccuWeather Forecast for Today – Sunshine – Que?‏

E-mail to AccuWeather HQ:

From: Rusty@noreply.com
Sent: 22 September 2009 – 09:52:28

The AccuWeather site boast: “AccuWeather has developed a new algorithm that calculates what the temperature really feels like outside – named (appropriately enough) the RealFeel Temperature. Continue Reading

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Posted in Science & Technologizzy1 Comment

Google Dog Search Trick Pisses Off Council

Google Dog Search Trick Pisses Off Council

A family of dodgy Balkan refugees who tried to lure back a lost dog by leaving a trail of their own urine around the streets near their home have been criticised by the town council as a bunch of irresponsible pisspots. Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Technology0 Comments

EPA: Free Speech Causes Global Warming

EPA: Free Speech Causes Global Warming

Washington, DC (BNSE): The Environmental Protection Agency released its updated quarterly findings today, which placed “Free Speech Carbon Emissions” as “one of the largest unchecked sources of Carbon Dioxide contamination in North America.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Environment0 Comments

Racist Row Revving Up, Four Sure to End Up on the Floor

Racist Row Revving Up, Four Sure to End Up on the Floor

A Smegmadale driver spent two nights in jail after being accused of the latest numpty-dumpty politically-incorrect crime of “revving his car in a racist manner”. Continue Reading

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Posted in Environment, Strange People0 Comments

Japan Finally Makes Worse Car Than U.S.

Japan Finally Makes Worse Car Than U.S.

TOKYO, JAPAN- Japanese engineers working for Toyota shocked the world today by announcing that they have at long last created a car worse than any car made in the United States. After a bold promise made by Chief Engineer Fukashi Tokiru in the late nineties to match American ineptitude, Toyota’s engineers finally came through, creating a car that is more terrible than any American counterpart. Continue Reading

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Posted in Environment, Technology0 Comments

Genetic Engineering Goes Bananas, Boosts Chimp IQ’s

Genetic Engineering Goes Bananas, Boosts Chimp IQ’s

UK police and Interpol are hot on the trail of a troop of thirty-plus chimpanzees that escaped from their enclosure at Chester Zoo in Cheshire this weekend, forcing visitors to flee in terror. Continue Reading

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Posted in Health, Technology0 Comments

Welcome to the EU’s New Dark Ages

Welcome to the EU’s New Dark Ages

Under the latest stupid EU ruling the manufacture and import of 100 watt incandescent light bulbs in Britain will be banned in favour of the CFL energy-saving variety – by which you can’t see to read – or write – brush your hair, wipe your arse, tie your shoe laces or shave without cutting your own throat. Continue Reading

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Posted in Environment, Gadgets & Gizmos0 Comments

Study: Cellphones Hard-Boil Brains

Study: Cellphones Hard-Boil Brains

A 2008 joint survey undertaken by the Department of Odd Behaviour in conjunction with the Ministry for Falling Over, concluded that the use of a mobile phone definitely has an adverse effect on brain activity, although it conceded there were “significant gaps in our scientific knowledge” – which in layman’s terms equated to the fact they didn’t have an effing clue precisely how much microwave radiation was actually required to cook your brain to a soft-boiled state – or kick-start the growth of a super-metastasizing malignant tumour – but – wait for it – did conclude beyond a reasonable doubt that ‘any’ amount of microwave radiation is ‘not’ good for you. Continue Reading

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Posted in Gadgets & Gizmos, Technology0 Comments

Passenger Forced to Fix Faulty Airliner

Passenger Forced to Fix Faulty Airliner

Holidaymakers avoided a long delay to their flight home when a passenger with an Irish army knife, a roll of duct tape and a claw hammer fixed a mechanical problem with their plane. Continue Reading

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Posted in Technology0 Comments

Arctic Now Hot Enough to Grow Grapes

Arctic Now Hot Enough to Grow Grapes

Arctic temperatures are now higher than at any time in the last 2,000 years according to a personal report given to Fox News by the dipshit UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon who has just spent the past week wandering around in his underpants and a pair of flip flops north of the 66th parallel to investigate for himself if all this propaganda-driven brouhaha and panic put out by the Al Bore camp and the Carbon Exchange Cap n Trade shysters is founded on truth – or bullshit spewed out from the usual ‘all-for-greater-profits’ anal mechanism. Continue Reading

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Posted in Environment0 Comments

iPhone Explodes in Ossetia – Millions Feared Dead

iPhone Explodes in Ossetia – Millions Feared Dead

French consumer groups are investigating a disturbing bout of recent reports concerning iPhone 3GS models that have exploded or burst into flames spontaneously. Continue Reading

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Posted in Gadgets & Gizmos, War Zone0 Comments

White House Claims Bush Torched California for Sport

White House Claims Bush Torched California for Sport

New York – In the current edition of The Nation magazine, White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel charges that President Bush is personally responsible for burning California’s economy. Continue Reading

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Posted in Crime, Environment, Politics0 Comments

Fat Gits Causing Global Warming

Fat Gits Causing Global Warming

This week’s Dogwanker’s Review headline reveals that being overweight is bad for the environment as well as your health, according to the results of a leaked survey financed by the Ministry for Wasting Money. Researchers at the London School for Idiotic Studies found that overweight people were likely to be more responsible for carbon emissions than skinny people because they eat more food and their cars consume more fuel to move the extra weigh around. Continue Reading

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Posted in Environment1 Comment

China Promises Fake Lunar Landing by 2008

China Promises Fake Lunar Landing by 2008

China’s space program has enjoyed successes at a price previously unmatched by any space program. Not the US nor former Soviet Union, not even Canadians have been able to make strides in pace with the Chinese,, and not even because a typical Asian stride is so much shorter based on height alone. Continue Reading

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Posted in Science0 Comments

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