GlossyNews.com – “Look, I tried,” God grumbled, “Picked the most populated part of the country, some of the most contentious states in the election and altered both of their campaign routes, but did they listen? Noooo.”
In a last, desperate attempt to create some political discussion on climate change, God sent Halloween hurricane Sandy, which made landfall a week before Election Day. It flooded states, stopped mass transit systems, and at least 4 people didn’t get their mail on Monday.
“Through sleet or snow, my ass,” Mrs. Perkins complained, arms crossed.
– Romney Camp Launches Last Minute “Why Vote?” Ad Blitz
– Election Day 2012: Obama Starts Cleaning Out the Oval Office
– Return of the Bride of ‘He Who Shall Not Be Named’
– Local Man Ready to Get Out There and Make His Terrible Decision Count
– Election Analysts Admit It’s Just Pin the Tail on the Donkey
– Pennsylvania Poll Workers Suspiciously Republican
– Local Man Doesn’t Know Candidates, Votes Anyway
But the presidential candidates just altered their routes to avoid the areas in the storm’s path, said that their “thoughts and prayers go out to those affected” a few thousand times, and kept silent on the environmental problems plaguing the nation and the world.
“I know this isn’t supposed to happen to Me, but I don’t get it,” God said, rubbing His awe-inspiring temples, “It’s the biggest, most obvious catastrophe heading their way aside from… well… I don’t want to ruin the surprise.”
“Clearly I need a break,” He added, rising and scratching Holy Spirit behind the ears. “People are way too complex. I should’ve stuck to playing Minecraft instead of this messed up version of Sims.”