Republican Whose Home Destroyed by Hurricane Sandy Reluctantly Accepts Gov Handout

STAMFORD, CT – In the aftermath of one of the worst storms to batter the East Coast of the United States in recorded history, a Republican man whose lakeside house was left with almost $1.7-million-worth of damage at the hands of Hurricane Sandy reluctantly accepted government handouts Tuesday, as FEMA moved to assist those in need.

Despite routinely criticizing the Obama Administration for its perceived expansion of entitlement programs, longtime GOP supporter, James Winkler of Stamford Connecticut, held his head in his hands today, and conceded: “okay, just this once.”

“Even though I firmly believe it is inherently wrong for the people of this great nation to depend on government for any kind of benefit or financial relief,” he said, “my home and everything that I hold dear has been taken away from me.”

“That is why I will begrudgingly accept a little bit of help from FEMA. Just a little bit. One time only.”

In an effort to be clear, the 57-year-old insisted, that just because he was willing to make an exception this time around, doesn’t mean that his staunch opposition to programs such as social security, medicare and unemployment insurance would not “remain as strong as ever.”

“Look, just because an exceptional circumstance has arisen, whereby I have ultimately been rendered penniless, does not mean that the people should have to become dependent on government.”

“The government should rely on its people, not the other way around,” he continued, staring defeated at his flooded house. “Only on occasions like this – when all is lost, when a person cannot help themselves – is it okay for government to intervene.”

Meanwhile, it is understood that Mr. Winkler diffidently offered his gratitude to the government-employed firemen who rescued him from the second floor of his house late last night.

Author: Laurence Brown

Laurence Brown is an award-winning comedic journalist based in Indianapolis, Indiana, who has edited several satirical news papers since 1999. Hailing from the United Kingdom, he has also written plays and short stories. He has a bachelor's degree in English and Creative Writing from Lancaster University. This article was originally published by The Indy Tribune.

1 thought on “Republican Whose Home Destroyed by Hurricane Sandy Reluctantly Accepts Gov Handout

  1. What do they call a moderate republican again? Is it a republican whose son came out gay or a daughter who had an abortion? I can't remember how it goes… but I do KNOW how it goes.

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