Category: Science & Technologizzy
Study Reveals Disturbing Levels of Inbreeding Among Santa’s Elves
A new study published today in The Journal of Humanoid Genetics reveals high levels of inbreeding among Santa’s famous toy making elves. Analysis of DNA microsatellites obtained from blood samples taken from several hundred randomly chosen North Pole elves resulted…
Scientists Declare 3,000 YO Andean Mummy “Total Hottie”
Researchers from Oregon State University announced that virtual facial reconstruction of a 3,000 year old Andean mummy revealed, “She was totally hot”. Using the latest in digital imaging technology, “the team has concluded that she was at least an 8,…
Aztecs Slam “Typical Stupid Mayans” When World Fails to End
Many Aztecs throughout North and Central America rejoiced at the stroke of midnight December 22nd, 2012, as the world failed to end, in accordance with Mayan prophecy. “Those stupid [beeping] Mayans. They’re just wrong about everything,” said Miguel Quattel, an…
Unseasonably Warm Weather A Reminder Man Didn’t Recycle Bottles Last Month
INDIANAPOLIS – A recent spate of unseasonably warm weather, which has seen December temperatures peak in the mid sixties, has acted as a timely reminder that local man Dennis Kowalski never got around to recycling those damn bottles last month….
Inventor’s Shirt Changes Color- Why Not a She-Shirt That Turns Invisible?
A Leeds inventor has come up with a t-shirt that changes color according to how much sun there is. It is supposed to warn the wearer about the possibility of getting skin cancer. E.E.C. Investigators quickly smelled a rat, however,…
A.D.A. Gaydar Fingers Fluoridation
CHICAGO – The American Dental Association today announced a reversal of its longstanding position on municipal water fluoridation. For over 65 years, fluoride has been recognized by the ADA as an effective prophylactic in the fight against cavities. But recent…
Scientists Dismayed As BP Throws More Oil-Absorbent Cash at Gulf
Since the 2010 explosion on the Deep Water Horizon offshore oil rig, which killed 11 people and spilled 205 million gallons of crude oil, British Petroleum has been pumping billions of oil-absorbing dollar bills into the Gulf of Mexico and…
NASA: Orphan’s Wishes Upon Star Light-Years Too Late
PASADENA, CALIFORNIA: The National Aeronautics and Space Administration confirmed today that the star little Timmy Johannsen has been wishing upon nearly every night for the past 3 years, actually collapsed and burned out approximately 48 million years ago, thus rendering…
Federal Warning Over Agressive Toys
This morning the federal government issued warnings to parents over toys that are currently being sold for the holiday season which may pose a potential harm to their families. The revised Furby animated toy has been identified in several dangerous…
Russia Press Reports UFO Debris Found In Siberian Forest
Otradnensky, Siberia – (SatireWorld.com) The 6-foot wide metal cylinder partially made of titanium steel was found near Otradnensky, a village two thousand miles from Moscow. Locals have labeled it as space junk, a UFO fragment, or the fuel tank of…