Category: Science & Technologizzy
Smartphone User Glad He Doesn’t Have to Have Series of Interesting Thoughts
CHICAGO—While using his phone to browse an online forum where users rank their favorite vacation spots, Roger Howton reflected with great fondness on the fact that he didn’t have to use his imagination for a single moment to wonder about…
Evil Excel Spreadsheet Doing Everything In Power to Stop Guy Leaving Work on Time
INDIANAPOLIS – Seemingly not content to just let office worker Aaron McMillan clock out of work at the regular time of five-thirty, a Microsoft Excel spreadsheet is doing everything in its Goddamn power Monday to make sure that McMillan stays…
Important safety alert: The dangers of texting while breathing
In our increasingly technology-bound culture, cell phone use has exploded over the past decade. A recent report indicates there are now more cell phones in the USA than people, and three times more cell phone users than people who can…
FDA Adds “Homicidal Rampage” Warning to Otherwise Perfectly Safe Drug
Washington DC: The Food and Drug Administration has announced an immediate black box warning will be placed on it’s controversial anti-malarial drug, Lariam, also known as Mefloquine, due to its tendency to make patients attempt murder, suicide, genocide and partake…
Large Hadron Collider ‘Not Taken Over By Sinister Villain Who Plans To Take Over The World’
Breaking News from Switzerland today, the Swiss Government are under scrutiny after an inside source leaked that Large Hadron Collider nicknamed ‘The Black Hole Generator’ by cyber geeks with no life, may have been ‘acquired’ by the power hungry megalomaniac…
Local scientist and teen killed in freak Delorean accident
An eccentric inventor and local teen were killed yesterday when the Delorean in which they were riding crashed into a wall at about 90 mph. Martin McFly, 18, and Dr. Emmett ‘Doc’ Brown, age unavailable, were pronounced “really dead” at…
Fukushima Scientists Dismiss Sightings Of Fire-Breathing Iguanadon
A group of scientists at the Fukushima Nuclear Reactor have angrily denied recent sightings of a 700-foot fire-breathing iguanadon, though they refused to do so on-the-record, leading to further speculation that the monster is very much real. Scientists at the…
Causality up-ended in the Southern Hemisphere (comic)
Imagine if penguins got around to being hack philosophers, and they did it causal Friday. Casual Friday? Either way, doesn’t matter, they’re just flightless birds, so don’t take them too seriously. If causality had made you a penguin, would you…
Dog Patiently Explains Concept of Object Permanence to Dumbfounded Owner
SEATTLE — 49-Year-Old Dog “Mr. Truffles,” who clearly saw his owner, Linda Geohring, place his tennis ball behind her back, patiently broke down the concept of object permanence for the dumbfounded 46-year-old, sources reported. “So, you understand, although I am…
Shopping Conundrum: Sub-Featherweight Micro SD Card or 11+lbs of CF Cards?
The first time I bought memory was on the eve of my first trip to China in January of 2001. I’d never been to Asia and figured, “hey, Shanghai is a place I’ve heard of, so off I went. My…