An eccentric inventor and local teen were killed yesterday when the Delorean in which they were riding crashed into a wall at about 90 mph. Martin McFly, 18, and Dr. Emmett ‘Doc’ Brown, age unavailable, were pronounced “really dead” at the scene. Homeland Security became involved in the investigation after radiation was discovered to be leaking from what authorities are calling a “flux capacitor” in the back of the vehicle. Federal investigators are calling the incident a possible “thwarted act of terrorism”.
One NSA investigator who refused to be identified spoke candidly of Dr. Brown’s connections to terrorist groups in Libya. “His computer and phone records show he has been in contact with shadowy groups for some time,” said Edward Snowden, who once again declined to be identified. “It is believed that these groups provided the plutonium Brown was planning to use to make a weapon of mass destruction.”
A search of Dr. Brown’s home revealed a sophisticated weapons making laboratory. “We don’t know what he was planning yet, but we know it was big,” said another loose-lipped intelligence officer from the CIA. “Of course, we’ll have to crack his code to see what he meant by ‘traveling to the past’. We believe it is code speak for an attack on a national monument or other historical site.”
Friends of McFly were stunned by the news but not really that surprised. “We always thought his relationship with Old Doc was kind of abnormal,” said Biff, an acquaintance of McFly’s at school. “But then again, so was my relationship with his alcoholic mother. BOOM! There, I said it!”
Authorities are denying rumors that Doc Brown was a former NSA researcher involved in time travel research. “While time travel might be useful in conducting background investigations, it becomes problematic to get that information back to the future,” said bio-terrorism investigator James Cole. “In fact, the entire concept of time travel is simply ludicrous!” he said before promptly disappearing into thin air.
Local police are being kept in the dark, of course, and are calling the equipment discovered in Doc Brown’s laboratory “meth making equipment’. But, that’s what they call any lab equipment they don’t understand. Two stoner friends of McFly’s, Bill Preston and Ted Logan, denied that McFly was in anyway involved with meth OR terrorism. “He was too laid back, man. He just liked to sit around and play his guitar,” said Bill. “Accusations of him being a meth head are just bogus!” added Ted.
Funerals arrangements have yet to be announced. According to sources inside the investigation, “The bodies appear to have vanished.” Local coroner Sarah Conner, who’s had recent threats on her life, called it, “Strange but not entirely unheard of!”