Category: Science & Technologizzy
NRA Demands US Government Outlaw Drones Despite 2nd Amendment
In a strange reversal of policy the NRA has demanded that the U.S. make a ban on drones very much like the ban on guns that they have so heatedly fought against in the past. Speaking at a press conference…
The Condemned No Longer Fear The Reaper
FLORENCE, Ariz. (GlossyNews) — A government think tank has come up with a novel idea to ensure there are no more botched executions like the one that occurred this week in Arizona. States have traveled a long and winding road…
How Old is Too Old for an iPhone?
Oberlin, OH — Annabel Smith, local 2 year old, coos as she goes through her mother’s iPhone, the screen illuminating her round face. The iPhone is well equipped with several apps specifically for babies, such as Dora’s Ballet Adventure, and…
New Pet Food Triggers Outrage; Breadsticks for Kim Jong-un?
Damascus, Iowa – A new line of products released by Pet Food Enterprises, Inc., that was intended to provide humor and admiration over the recent extinction of Olive Garden restaurants and the late breadsticks offered complimentary with the purchase of…
Pittsburgh PUC Halts Ride-Sharing At Kennywood
PITTSBURGH — Ruling that the threat to public safety is “theoretically a very real problem under the principles of String theory,” a two-judge panel has shut down ride-sharing at Kennywood park in West Mifflin. The ruling makes it illegal for…
“Drones May Not Attack Banks” says new U.S. Drone Czar
WASHINGTON – The newly appointed US Drone Czar announced today that attack drones operating on US soil may not attack US banks without prior approval of the Federal Reserve Bank. “Let me be clear,” stated General Quentin Easing, the new…
Scientists: Potheads Cannot Recognize Connection between Their Stash & Murderous Drug Cartels
Scientists have finally proven that there is a big disconnect in the minds of those heavily into pot. It has been long suspected that marijuana use has negative effects upon the brains and bodies of partakers, a claim equally long…
The Five Stages of NSA Surveillance Grief
If the recent leaks about the US government’s surveillance of all worldwide electronic communications have left you upset or confused, then you may be experiencing one of the five stages of NSA surveillance grief. Much like Kuebler-Ross’ Five Stages of…
Cooper Brand Pooper Scoopers are Super-Duper Cooper Scoopers
Montgomery County, Pennsylvania – Assisting residents in cleaning up the debris left behind from their crushed dreams of having locally born celebrity, Bradley Cooper, win an Academy Award are Cooper Industries’ pooper scoopers that have been flying off the shelves…
Text Walking to Become New Olympic Sport
Rio de Janeiro – Text walking will become the newest sport to be part of the Olympic Games starting in Rio in 2016. The act of texting while walking has never been considered a sport but since so few people…