Category: Science & Technologizzy
Lame Duck Damaged, Begs Extinction
Environmentalists and naturalists have sounded the alarm for a threatened avian species resident in Washington, D.C. Having been spotted in the region for close to six years, this bird has recently suffered numerous setbacks and setblacks and appears to be…
Olive Garden’s Dirty Secret Uncovered
Willow Grove, Pennsylvania – The location where the last known Olive Garden once stood before it succumbed to extinction was the site of a groundbreaking find on Thursday when archaeologists unexpectedly discovered a new insect that has been named the…
Self-Driving Electric Cars will Soon Be Free, If You Can Afford One
When I add “self-driving” to “electric car”, you may envision a double-unicorn, but these beasts of legend are right around the corner, and they will be damn near free, assuming you can afford one. Elon Musk has announced that “The…
American secret agents exposed by phone app?
A stunning announcement was made at a secret hacker conference last month to little fanfare. An app was made available for the Android or IPhone platform that exposes the secret agents working for America’s top secret organizations. Called “Find my…
GOP Has Perfected Bush/Cheney Clone to Take Over 2016 Election
Republican geneticists have succeeded in their long term project to clone George W. Bush and Dick Cheney into a composite entity to enter into the 2016 Presidential elections. This modern Frankenstein, born in a petrie dish and reared in secret,…
Many Using iPhones to Surgically Replace Entire Brains
In the latest cool trend to hit the streets masses of young people are getting their I-phones installed in their heads where their brains used to be. The popularity and 24 hour a day usage of Apples extremely popular gadget…
Netflix to Extend Time Elapsed Before “Are You Still Watching?” Prompt
CALIFORNIA: Neil Hunt, Chief Product Officer for Netflix, announced today that the company would be increasing the amount of time a viewer must watch a show before the video service asks if they are, indeed, still watching. “In 103% of…
Asteroid RC 15: “I Purposely Avoided Collision With Earth”
OUTER SPACE: In an exclusive interview, RC15, an asteroid that, on Sunday, passed closer to earth than the moon, says it purposely avoided a collision with our planet. “I really, really did not want to hit you guys after I…
Apple to Remotely Disable All iPhone 4S Models and Older 7 Days After iPhone 6 Release
CALIFORNIA: In a statement released today by Apple CEO Tim Cook, all iPhone models 4S and older are scheduled to be shut down and remotely wiped seven days after the release of the iPhone 6 on September 9th. “Customers who…
New Postage Stamp Baked as a Tribute to Extinct Restaurant Chain
Washington, D.C. – In an effort to promote breadstick awareness following the loss of America’s beloved restaurant chain, the Olive Garden, the United States Postal Service has announced the release of a set of commemorative stamps honoring the breadsticks that…