Morsi’s Democracy (Song Parody)

This parody of ‘Chinese Democracy’ by Guns ‘n’ Roses is dedicated to everyone who has ever stood up to political Islamists. 

If the theocrats really do believe hellfire exists, then every moment of their life should be one of the utmost terror and foreboding.

Hellfire awaits the Jihadi

Gonna find out for yourself

Endless torment, Jihadi

You’re gonna leave this world,

Cast down forever below the earth

 

Rotten pigfucking missionary

Crack-smoking Dawahmongering visionary

Hatin’ on them pesky gays ‘n’ Jews

Hellfire is for those who lose

I know that you’re a worthless prick

An enchanting story-peddling dick

Blame it on the Coptic guys

You will meet your end and greet the flames of hell now

 

Yeah subhuman vermin shit like you

Gonna win your virgins by raping?

But even with a little dried-up dick

All you got left is masturbation

I’m gonna gas the rats, is it really really such a crime?

 

Your bullshit don’t really matter

You’ll discover hellfire for yourself

No you don’t really matter

So you can hear your judgment from

Somebody else

 

Cause it would take longer than eternity

To consummate your vile damnation

Even with your tearful eyes

Satan smirks at your masturbation but all you got is

Damnation for all time

 

Your bullshit don’t really matter

You’ll discover hellfire for yourself

No you don’t really matter

So you can hear your judgment from

Somebody else

 

Keep your broke-ass lil fuck puppet locked up inside

Beat her, choke her, rape her, hear your children cry

She’ll come and haunt you in your prison cell

And she’ll choke you! Blazing barbed wire in hell

Nothing can ever make you stop

Hell’s torments, he screams, your eyes will pop

No more hypocrite’s repentance

Cos you’re forever out of time!

 

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What the Presidential Candidates Are Doing—Right This Moment

With the Election mercifully only hours away, the three major candidates (and one cameo candidate) are done putting the final touches on their respective Frankenstein campaigns. Using an unholy combination of satanic ritual coupled with classified NSA technology that hasn’t been leaked just yet, GlossyNews is pleased to reveal what each candidate is doing right this moment.

Gary Johnson–Libertarian:

1) Imagining there is a zero behind his poll numbers.

2) Revisiting his debate points and pretending he actually rated debating.

3) Regretting deleting all his porn.

4) Listening to Kaleo–“Way Down We Go” while he slowly rocks back and forth.

5) Applying for Canadian citizenship.

Hillary Clinton–Democrat:

1) Pondering how to gracefully never invite Beyonce and Jay Z to the White House. Read more What the Presidential Candidates Are Doing—Right This Moment

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Hey Hey Donald Hey: (With Apologies to Bill Frederick’s: Hey Hey LBJ)

Hey Hey Donald Hey,
How many casinos did you lose today?
Gonna file for bankruptcy and lose your dollars now, oh, boy!
Donald Trump has eager hands to grab another bargain,
She runs off and tells the mob that Donald Trump is lying!
Hey Hey Donald Hey,
How many women did you lose today?
Gonna be a felon now and go to prison now, oh, boy!

Read more Hey Hey Donald Hey: (With Apologies to Bill Frederick’s: Hey Hey LBJ)

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“To be Finished Would be a Relief”: Solving the Mystery of Cameron’s Resignation Song

The end of David Cameron’s tenure as Prime Minister was a hectic one to say the least. With the country practically imploding after Brexit, Cameron had to take the blame for the emerging crisis. But when Cameron started humming a tune after his resignation speech (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Gz6mZYxS0A) it made matters more amusing, but also sent the internet and media into a craze of wild guesses: what was Cameron humming?

Read more “To be Finished Would be a Relief”: Solving the Mystery of Cameron’s Resignation Song

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Leaked TTIP Treaty: U.S. Must Win the Eurovision Song Contest

AMSTERDAM – According to secret terms of the TTIP treaty, recently leaked by Greenpeace Netherlands, the U.S. must finally be allowed to enter the Eurovision Song Contest.

“Excluding the U.S. from the Eurovision Song Contest is a clear violation of free trade,” said U.S. trade negotiator Mickey Cant. “Europe could use a little bit more American know-how when it comes to pop music. We are tired of being unjustly excluded.” Read more Leaked TTIP Treaty: U.S. Must Win the Eurovision Song Contest

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Bono: ‘Concert in Syria? Over My Dead Body, Lad…’

For some time now, people have been wondering whether Bono will be jetting off to Syria and Iraq, in order to single-handedly deliver the beleaguered citizens of these countries from the perils of war.

But he’s not having it!

C’mon lad! Just give us some bloody innovation, would ya? Not going to perform nothing in Syria, so I’m not.

Sure who cares about all this here about embattled autocratic leaders and beleaguered states struggling to find a common life amid the turmoil of age-old religious conflict? Sure if I wanted any of that there, I could just take a quick hike up North! Read more Bono: ‘Concert in Syria? Over My Dead Body, Lad…’

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Sunstormtroopin’ With Our Leader Captain Murdoch (To the Tune of “Starship Trooping”)

Sunstormtroopin’ across the Shillaverse

Our dodgy media enterprise and glorious leader Captain Murdoch

Shitstormtroopin’ across the universe

At least we’re not the BBC, gotta helluh private purse!

 

Another immigrant report… Read more Sunstormtroopin’ With Our Leader Captain Murdoch (To the Tune of “Starship Trooping”)

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Freddy Mercury “Entirely Unsuitable” for Benjamin Disraeli Biopic

The new Freddie Mercury biopic proceeds apace. Various news reports reminded us of how Sacha Baron Cohen will not be playing the role of Freddie Mercury in this film after all. It seems that Cohen’s vision of the film was that of an anarchic Swiftian livewire, but not everyone agreed with his approach. Classic example of ‘artistic differences.’

http://europe.newsweek.com/sacha-baron-cohen-opens-about-leaving-freddie-mercury-movie-435420?rm=eu

http://www.yourlocalguardian.co.uk/leisure/showbiz/14335159.Sacha_Baron_Cohen_reveals_dispute_with_Queen_made_him_quit_playing_Freddie_Mercury_in_upcoming_biopic/ 

But Brian May has recently revealed that Freddie Mercury once found himself in a very similar situation for the previously little known Francis Ford Coppola biopic of Disraeli. The latter edgy arthouse flick, by now, is ignobly confined to late night History Channel re-runs and David Cameron’s ludicrously antiquated and irrelevant stash of Betamax Z-movies.

The director had high hopes for Freddie, but before long, tempers started fraying. Disraeli was known for his ‘top bants’ in Parliament, as is well enough known… Read more Freddy Mercury “Entirely Unsuitable” for Benjamin Disraeli Biopic

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Song Parody: Gimme Gimme Gimme Jihad After Midnight

Just past prayers
And I’m watching haram movies in my flat all alone
How I hate to make this Dua on my own
Howling winds
Blowing outside my bowels as I munch some shrooms
And it makes me really want to make a boom

My soul is nearly there
I grunt and offer up a prayer
I twitch my brow like Tony Blairrrrr!

Gimme gimme gimme jihad after midnight
Won’t somebody help me blast the kafrs away
Gimme gimme gimme jihad after midnight
End Satan’s reign of terror, begin the Caliphate’s day

Gimme gimme gimme jihad after midnight
Won’t somebody help me blast the kafrs away
Gimme gimme gimme jihad after midnight
I’m so sick of this oppression from the Jews and the gays Read more Song Parody: Gimme Gimme Gimme Jihad After Midnight

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Strange Things Happen When You Have a Rock Band With Dave Barry And Stephen King In It. Maybe A Little Too Strange……

It all started very normally. It was a usual, quiet evening with the Rock Bottom Remainders setting up their equipment for another gig.

OK, actually, the Rock Bottom Remainders are not really so very normal. Their roster is made up of all famous literary and artistic people like Dave Barry the humor writer, Stephen King the horror novelist, Amy Tan the fictionalist, Mitch Albom an author, Matt Groening the creator of the Simpsons and Ray Blount Jr. another humor writer. Together they equal fully half of the literary output of the entire United States with King supplying the entire creative output of the state of Maine. And, yes, this is a real group. And they really do go around and perform together. Honest!!! Read more Strange Things Happen When You Have a Rock Band With Dave Barry And Stephen King In It. Maybe A Little Too Strange……

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Bono & Peter Gabriel Slam Wagner: ‘Don’t Separate the Man from the Music’

Many music critics view Wagner’s music as problematic because of the composers’ anti-Semitic views. And yet, some argue that his classic works of opera are somehow separable from his hatred of the Jewish people.

However, not everyone agrees that this is a reasonable view; or in some cases, even a reasonable question to ask!

So, we’ve asked a couple of real music experts (not some pathetic, pedantic, mainstream, dusty old music critics), to give their two (million) cents worth on this one.

Peter Gabriel

Anyone who says you have to “separate the man from the music” is a very, very dangerous person, to my mind.

I mean, don’t listen to these pedantic, upper-crust artistic celebrities and flamboyant, prima donna play-actors who are merely collaborating with the rich and powerful of this world, while pretending to speak up for the marginalised.

Well, guess what? They’re only in it for themselves. And deep down, they know it!

Bono

As I always say, if we could all only just agree to just, you know, to get along and settle our differences in a peaceful and amicable manner and realize that we’re all God’s children, then we’d all be fine.

I mean, all these debates, you know, saying this guy is Jewish, or that guy is an antisemite, it’s all just so damn divisive. Bono says, they’re all as bad as each together.

You know, ‘this guy hates me without cause,’ or ‘this guy is accusing me of being a hater and I can’t put up with that.’ I mean, can’t you see how it’s always both just contributing to the problems?

I mean, no wonder the world is in the state it is. Bono thinks, if we all realised that, at the end of the day, we’re just all part of Humanity and part of the same God’s noble and righteous creation, then nobody would have any reason to oppress anybody any longer…

And no-one would have to feel the need to be all petulant and passive-aggressive and say “that guy is oppressing me and I just wish he would stop.”

I mean, you’ve just got to be better than that, my brother! Just don’t you be annoying Bono with none o’ that there.

No. It’s all quite simple when you think about it. When it comes down to it, antisemitism and anti-antisemitism are both parts of the same disease.

Not any mere material disease, of course.

A disease of the soul, and of the heart.

(Aye now, bet you didn’t see that one coming, me oul’ mucker!)

But yes, you see, the only problem here (as always) is that Wagnerians and anti-Wagnerians just don’t recognise Our Common Humanity, and how much we have in common with each other.

No. If someone is an artist, it has to come as a whole package. Please, please, please, I beg and implore on the utmost bended knees of my soul and the deepest quivering palms of my heart:

Don’t misguidedly and ignorantly logic-chop and be selective, and say ‘I like this bit but not that bit.’

Yes, how about we just all recognise in our minds and more crucially still, in our hearts and innermost tender marrow of our souls, the essential spiritual unity and cosmic oneness of creation and of every creative person?

I can say to you now and forever:

I really do believe that if we just once tried that, every single one of us on Earth…

Well yeah, then everything would be just fine.

Oof! Well, bejaysus, it’s kind of obvious, when you think about it, isn’t it!

But, I mean, it’s the divisive people who just spoil it for everyone else, and you know what?

I’m just sick of ’em.

Aye, ya know, these cynical, shiftless, Blarney-mongering bastards aren’t normal, moral folks of high ideals like you and me; and I tell you what, they just don’t know what’s coming to ’em!

I mean, anyone who divides Humanity into speculatively constructed warring camps and makes any kind of distinction whatsoever should not be permitted to sup at my table or that of any other decent person!

Aye, they can just take all their fake metaphysical pieties and shove ’em up their bloody arses!!!

Caliph Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi was not particularly impressed, telling me over a nice contraband technically-non-haram (for Caliphs) Guinness in the moderate political Islamist quarter of his new hot-ass spiritual empire:

Ach sure now, to be fair te ye, I do also believe in this here essential unity and oneness of God’s Creation.

Aye! But I don’t believe in precisely all that there metaphysical bollocks, the same type o’ essential unity and oneness shite that this shitty, pretentious, intrusively pious pair o’ wankers believe in.

So, they are OBVIOUSLY more wrong than I am! Stupid, superstitious, thieving gobshites!!!

Original article:

https://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/magazine/13571/bono-gabriel-slam-pathetic-wagner-apologists

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Surveillance Race, Surveillance Race: Parody Tribute to Motorhead’s Lemmy

Lemmy is already giving ’em hell down there! A true legend, and I really hope he would have liked this one.

Meme above sourced from: http://www.quickmeme.com/lemmy-1

If you are a hacker, and a freedom-loving man
Woman, child, poor, rich, all the same to me
The pleasure is to play, and punk the NSA
Surveillance Race! Surveillance Race!

Surfed another data flow, reached another level
Mainframe walls are gonna blow, it’s all a game to me,
Storm the gates of Heaven, Big Data is Watching You
I ain’t gonna quit, NSA ain’t got shit!
Surveillance Race! Surveillance Race! Read more Surveillance Race, Surveillance Race: Parody Tribute to Motorhead’s Lemmy

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Frank Turner Song Parody: Tony F***ed the Country

Whatever happened to Britain?
It’s like we’re scared of phantom enemies to the point of bedpissin’
Even if the danger is minor
The press and gov scaremonger
With their endless agitprop bullshit!

Yo, bigot! Anyone who looks less white than you
Makes you wonder if they’re immigrants or Muslims or Jews
But I’m tired of the endless hatred
And yet the media hacks are always stirring shit! Read more Frank Turner Song Parody: Tony F***ed the Country

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Weirder Than A Stephen King Novel – A Rock Band With King and Dave Barry In It. Let Me Introduce You To The Rock Bottom Remainders

Unannounced to most of us, one of the most incredible rock and roll groups has passed before us and we didn’t even notice it. Maybe most of us were too stoned to catch it.

This group was named The Rock Bottom Remainders, and should have made the cover of the Rolling Stone, except for one problem – it was made up of mostly literary figures. The thought of listening to people involved heavily with books and articles is enough to send most hard core rockers into a catatonic state.

Stephen King, of course, is famous for his many best selling horror stories; such as Carrie, The Dead Zone, Cujo and so many others that he himself cannot remember all of them. Dave Barry is the famed humor writer who won the Pulitzer Prize for his hilarious newspaper columns, and has written several best selling books himself. (One wonders what the Pulitzer Prize statuette for humor looks like – clowns jumping out of a golden Volkwagen Beetle?) Read more Weirder Than A Stephen King Novel – A Rock Band With King and Dave Barry In It. Let Me Introduce You To The Rock Bottom Remainders

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A3 Song Parody: Torybums Said

The original song by A3 quotes texts which have made available by the Jonestown Foundation. Jim Jones was a fanatic. It’s also fanatical to gut welfare when so much money is wasted on pointless vanity projects. Next time UK elects a Prime Minister, hopefully it will be a government with more character.
***

Pray don’t ever say we are your enemies. My noble benevolence has practically caused me to just get you destroyed. If I had squeezed you a little more, just a little bit more, we would have had a little less trouble.

Yes, you have a social conscience. Idealism! But don’t say ‘Dearest Tory-bums is my enemy!’ Eh? What’s that, oh do calm down, darling. Hearken unto me, chicken: ‘Greed is my enemy and I’ve got to fight for liberty day and night!’ And, ‘what else is death, other than liberty’ is the line. Liberty is the only way?

UTTER PIGGY-POO! FIDDLESTICKS, OLD BEAN! William Tyndale died for his liberty! Emmeline Pankhurst died for her liberty! The pleb scum of Wat Tyler died roaring about balderdash the rustic filth just couldn’t understand, and they never even stood their ground! Hacked down by the sword! Read more A3 Song Parody: Torybums Said

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Putin & ISIS: Tyranny’s Latest Flamboyant Supergroup

Universally beloved plastic pop enterprise X Factor has finally lost its shine.

Yup! No-one ever believed this classic of early 21st century manufactured inanity would ever end up being discredited by a flamboyant and sexually doubting, um, sexually dubious former KGB Lenin lookalike…

But such is life!

Or as Louis Walsh would no doubt belt out in his cups:

‘C’est la Vie!’

Still, the hidden hand of the music industry has guided the nation of Russia to unanticipated progress; all by means of mere individual self-interest!

Yes, just see this storming (not to say stormtrooping!) video of Russia’s most swishiest Elton John admirer for proof: Read more Putin & ISIS: Tyranny’s Latest Flamboyant Supergroup

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