Categorized | Music

Shocking Disclosure on the Death of the King: Elvis Ate Himself!

Shocking Disclosure on the Death of the King: Elvis Ate Himself!

Rock ‘n’ roll legend Elvis Presley ate himself, according to an astonishing revelation from his sometime house cleaner.

Elvis’s coroner at the time stated that the iconic musician had died as a result of a cardiac arrhythmia – a condition brought on by the inducement of the prescription drugs valium, morphine and Demerol.

However, Graceland cleaner Ruth Harrison, now 72, claims to have witnessed Elvis devouring himself at home on August 16th 1977.

Mrs. Harrison said,

I’ve decided to speak out now and reveal the truth to the world before I myself pass away.

On that fateful day, I was trying to unblock one of the toilets at Graceland with a golf club, when I heard an unusual munching sound coming from the kitchen area.

I went to investigate, and saw Elvis eating himself!

I asked him why he was doing it and he said, ‘Well, I’ve had a thing lately for indulging in a comprehensive flesh feast frenzy festival-slop from hell.’

So I said, ‘It’s a bit incongruous though, isn’t it? – It’s not even ‘Eat Yourself Theme Week.

He said, That’s the trouble with you cleaners that never eat themselves. All you do is wander about vacuuming, polishing, scrubbing and spraying like neurotic pathological maniacs.

I said: ‘Well sorry, I just think that singing a melancholic ballad would have been a more touching farewell to the world than just lying on the kitchen floor and eating your own asshole.’

Image attribution:

By Paramount Pictures – King Creole trailer, Public Domain, Link

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This post was written by

- who has written 7 posts on GlossyNews.com.

Stephen Philip Druce is a spoof/satire article writer from Shrewsbury in the UK. He has previous publications with The Lemon Press, News Mutiny, The Daily Squib, The Inconsequential, Web-E-Books (USA), The Druids Loom and Bad Scents Of Humour. For updates on Stephen’s humour articles, follow him on Twitter - @DruceStephen.

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