Glastonbury Hosts Diversity ‘Jihad Rock’ Festival

Music festivals in the UK are not normally considered as being at the forefront of radical social activism. The days of Woodstock and anti-Vietnam protests being long gone, you’re more likely to see 21 century festival schmucks fighting over the last condom than the last polar bear. Read more Glastonbury Hosts Diversity ‘Jihad Rock’ Festival

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UK Rock Festivals Get More Diverse Line-Ups: Fans Outraged

A couple of reports from Heat Street indicate that many social activists are sick of what they deem to be the exclusionary line-ups at rock festivals.

So, rock organizers are now trying to be more inclusive.

Instead of having straight white males playing rock, the MMDF 2017, or ‘Middlesborough Musical Diversity Festival of 2017’ will have: Read more UK Rock Festivals Get More Diverse Line-Ups: Fans Outraged

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4 Things You Can Do JUST Like Justin Bieber

Justin Bieber’s kinda doing alright for a 23-year-old. He’s got a net worth of $225 million, which means you could say he earns a bit more than the average 23-year-old (many of whom still can’t afford to leave their parents’ basement). The hit singer and everyone’s favorite good-boy-gone-bad is living the life that many can only dream of. But, dream no more! He’s only human, meaning that you can do at least some of the same stuff as him (and no, we don’t just mean breathing). Are you a human? Congrats. You can do the following. Read more 4 Things You Can Do JUST Like Justin Bieber

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WHY Iran? (Parody of a Mark Knopfler Classic, with Apologies to the Current President of Syria)

CIA had no way of staying afloat
Gotta bomb them Syrian warboats
Never mind the refugees
We blitzin’ them Syrians like Germany
We created the Taliban
And we’ll drop chlorine o’er a’ the land
We got dodgy dossiers and tabloid fear
Bombing kids from Kabul to aye reet here

Why Iran, why aye, why aye man
Why aye man, why aye, why not Iran Read more WHY Iran? (Parody of a Mark Knopfler Classic, with Apologies to the Current President of Syria)

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Madonna & Lady Gaga’s New Cult is Too Much, Even for Progressives

Madonna and Lady Gaga, frustrated at Pope Francis’ apparent failure to make headway against conservative cardinals, have decided to form their own Church, in order to restore the true authentic meaning of Catholicism.

The One True Catholic Church of the All Holy Spirit of Our Universal Cosmic Mother, or OTCCOTAHSOOUCM for short, is not a new invention, but the original version of Catholicism that the real Jesus actually taught. Read more Madonna & Lady Gaga’s New Cult is Too Much, Even for Progressives

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Justin Bieber to Replace AC/DC’s Phil Rudd

AC/DC’s Phil Rudd is currently under house arrest for drug related criminal incidents. But it seems unlikely his fellow moshers will be keeping a seat warm for him.

Justin Bieber’s stellar solo career is about to come to an end! But don’t cry, things are going to get even better for the music scene. Justin Bieber is going to become the new chief singer of AC/DC! Not only that: lead singer Brian Johnson is about to step down.

Oh, my gosh!

Gushes Brian: Read more Justin Bieber to Replace AC/DC’s Phil Rudd

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Louis Armstrong & the What-About-Bop

My favorite Louis Armstrong song has to be ‘The What-About-Bop!’

What about, oh yeah, what about!
Everybody love dem what about!

The neocons love it, the Islamists love it!
Everyboy lovin’ dem what about!

Hey baby, hey baby what you whataboutin’ ’bout, girl?
Everybody lovin’ dem what about!

GOP God Squad love it,
Democrat Blame Squad love it,
Everybody lovin’ dem what about!

Got any more verses? Got friends and family who are not easily offended? Add them to the comments below, and the editorial staff will publish them!

Alternatively, send your funny stuff to Brian & Wallace @ Glossy News:

glossynews@gmail.com
wallacerunnymede@gmail.com

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Epic Album Dream Team: Charles Manson Joins Kanye Turbo Grafx 16 Family

Kanye West has once again surprised his fans and critics alike by announcing plans to collaborate with the infamous serial killer Charles Manson on an upcoming album.

Turbo Grafx 16 promises to be the most edgy and non-conformist albums yet from one of the most creative and innovative stars of rap.

Yet sadly, contrary to persistent rumours in recent times, Kanye West is not collaborating with fellow artistic geniuses Vanilla Ice and Justin Bieber.

So, it really is just Kanye ‘n’ Charles this time! Or as Kanye himself calls him: Read more Epic Album Dream Team: Charles Manson Joins Kanye Turbo Grafx 16 Family

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Bernie Sanders Forms Anti-Establishment Punk Band

After being betrayed by the ‘faux progressive’ DNC establishment, Bernie Sanders is trying to console himself by making a radical career change.

He is now fronting a new Patti Smith Tribute Band.

Here’s Bernie now, with his:

Rock ‘n’ Roll Riggers!

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Bernie was a maverick,
Bernie was a bro!
Bernie got votes and then Bernie got bigger…
Bernie got something, Hillary got more!
Bernie was betrayed by the DNC riggers Read more Bernie Sanders Forms Anti-Establishment Punk Band

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