GOP God Caucus ‘Patti Smith Cover’ Proves Riot Grrrl Credentials

The GOP’s God Caucus, not to be confused with the voluminous and highly visible, achingly secular GOP majority (about 99% or so!), are keen to prove their feminist credentials once more.

Still, up to now, all their other highly conspicuous social reachouts (let alone their highly non-conspicuous socialist reacharounds!) have been abject failures, so hey…

What’s the worst that can happen?

But unfortunately, Mike Huckabee isn’t participating in the GOP cover version of Patti Smith’s Gloria.

Still, to give all due credit (such as such credit may be), he does think the lyrics are a little provocative and inflammatory, and he doesn’t believe in unnecessarily stirring the s*** in order to cause needless offense.

… As (not-so-non!-)recent events have undoubtedly proven once more!

 G-O-P-I-A: JESUS JUDGES ALL YOUR SINS BUT NOT MINE      

Jesus judges all your sins but not mine

Socialists are all thieves

Shameless widow tuggin’ at our godly ol’ sleeves

Rebuking with a face like stone

Your selves are my own

You belong to me…

ME!

Read more GOP God Caucus ‘Patti Smith Cover’ Proves Riot Grrrl Credentials

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Rick Perry: Final Republican President, New Johnny Cash (2/2)

Last time:

Ok, so we’ve had the first Black President and the final Democratic President in one go. But our nation has never really had a final Republican President, maybe that’s what we’re missing?

IT WASN’T ME, IT WAS BOBBY!

How long do people have to wait? I’m not ashamed to say this is my idea…

IT WASN’T ME, IT WAS BOBBY!

Still, you don’t have to have an electric deckchair in your back garden, a taste for shooting innovative cinematic productions, or indeed a love of gunning the hell out of noisy ducks and whiny foxes and… Read more Rick Perry: Final Republican President, New Johnny Cash (2/2)

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Rick Perry: Final Republican President, New Johnny Cash (1/2)

Although Rick Perry is not currently in power, some maliciously devious Vast Left-Wing Conspirators™ have unearthed a scandalous document which (they claim) could put paid to Rick Perry’s hopes of running for President.

The text in question threatens to derail not only Perry’s political career, but in addition, promises to ruin any hope of a legendary US President being elected in 2016…

Insofar as these two are possibilities are actually mutually distinguishable, of course.

It looks like the other main GOP candidates are turning on Rick Perry, and attempting to smear and discredit him. Talk about about a Vast Beltway-Mainstream Conspiracy™, huh?! Read more Rick Perry: Final Republican President, New Johnny Cash (1/2)

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Simon Cowell Finally on Song for UKIP

Simon Cowell used to be unjustly accused of being the UK’s nastiest and most longwinded self-styled culture expert.

So, in order to avoid the unpleasant stigma of being the nastiest man in Britain, he has finally decided to join UKIP.

Hmm… maybe he was inspired by the Fasc’ Factor event he judged not long ago? Read more Simon Cowell Finally on Song for UKIP

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Presidential Hopeful Rand Paul Says Terrorists Have Better Music

Cleveland Ohio – On August 6th the presidential hopefuls for the Republican party gathered in attempts to remind people that Donald Trump is not a real candidate.

Among the cocks in the cluster fuck were Governor Chris “Bridge-y McHugs” Christie and Rand Paul, a poodle fur ‘merkin enthusiast. Read more Presidential Hopeful Rand Paul Says Terrorists Have Better Music

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Brown Irishmen Six: A Song of Fury

Last night another innocent, peaceful person died in an “unknown” land.

When the body of this person was pulled from the rubble in an unknown city in a certain Middle Eastern country, this message, along with a photo, was found in his breast pocket. By some miracle, the text was still intact.

The woman in the picture looked like an Irish woman, and the humorous, teasing shamrocks on the underside of the photo would appear to confirm this. Read more Brown Irishmen Six: A Song of Fury

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Weird Al Sings Love-Lorne Rhapsody

NEW YORK CITY – Weird Al Yankovic is respected worldwide for his funny and sometimes daring song parodies.

The singer has been going strong for over 35 years, but it appears as if he ran into a bit of trouble earlier this month as he tried to talk his way into performing on Saturday Night Live.

In what some people may believe is an absolute travesty, Weird Al has never once been invited to be on SNL. Read more Weird Al Sings Love-Lorne Rhapsody

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KKK Tell us What Real Rap is All About


Previous version published on The Spoof, entitled:

“KKK: Underground Rap A-OK, but ONLY Underground Rap.”

Well hey, some classics just bear repeating. You can’t seriously tell me my remixes are inferior to those of, say, Axwell and all those dudes.

The Ku Klux Klan has made a somewhat peculiar (and not necessarily entirely sincere?) attempt to find black supporters and allies. Read more KKK Tell us What Real Rap is All About

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Chamberlain’s Army (Parody of “Oliver’s Army”)

Disclaimer:

I have tried to write an alternative to Elvis Costello’s “Oliver’s Army,” under parody and fair use, as a tribute to Costello’s song.

As someone from Northern Ireland, my reading of the original song is that in in times of armed conflict, practically no-one gains anything.

No disrespect to Elvis Costello and the Attractions, or any other form of presumption, is intended. I also do not anticipate or imply any endorsement, criticism, or other value judgment on the part of the original song writers and performers. Read more Chamberlain’s Army (Parody of “Oliver’s Army”)

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Kanye West is a Breadophile: Horrifying Truth Comes Out at the Grammys

Los Angeles, California – Underfilled baskets, uncooked breadsticks and inappropriate butterings. These were the truths revealed by rapper, Kanye West, this past Sunday at the 57th Annual Grammy Awards in the Staples Center.

The man who crashed Taylor Swift’s award reception at the 2009 MTV Video Music Awards arrived in a stretch limo and entered the building with a guest he introduced as Kim Karbatchian. Read more Kanye West is a Breadophile: Horrifying Truth Comes Out at the Grammys

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One Direction Alters Name in Honor of Extinct Restaurant Chain

New York City –

“Olive Garden you light up my tummy like nobody else,
The way your breadsticks are buttered gets me overwhelmed,
When I’m docile and out of pounds it ain’t hard to tell,
You don’t go,
Oh, oh,
You always know your baskets full”

These are lyrics from the band’s newest song “What Makes Your Baskets Full” as performed for the first time on Saturday Night Live this past weekend, honoring the beloved restaurant chain that featured never-ending breadstick baskets that once came complimentary with the purchase of any entree or as part of the soup and salad lunch option.

Following the appetizingly delicious performance, the band announced they will now be known as Bun Direction or BD for short, in honor of the creature that roamed the earth for more than 32 years before succumbing to extinction early last year.

“It’s been a long time coming,” said Saturday Night Live’s creator, Lorne Michaels, from his New York City office he had customized to resemble an authentic Olive Garden restaurant. “I had been in touch with the band’s managers last year when the Olive Garden left our world and it was just a matter of timing as the band’s members loved putting the long and narrow items in their mouths more than anyone else,” Michaels added.

In addition to the updated number they plan on adding to their next album, Bake Me Home, expected to be released in March, Bun Direction has already been asked to perform at the Brit Awards on February 25th in their hometown of London (backyard for Niall James Horan who is from Ireland).

“Every time we sing this song, we can taste the smooth, buttery flavor on our lips,” the band said collectively in a recent interview with Alton Brown, creator and host of the Food Network show, Good Eats. “We hope this song, along with our new name, will ensure that the world will never forget,” the band added.

To download merchandise with the new logo and to download complete lyrics for “What Makes Your Baskets Full” please visit www.onedirectioninabun.com

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Kanye/Cool J: Most Passive-Aggressive Rap Grudge in History

Disclaimer: An earlier version of this was previously published on TheSpoof.com. Still, the warning below about the 21st century’s deadliest rap grudge still bears repeating. Don’t say I never warned you.

OK, so right, there’s a lot of jive goin’ down about the so-called grudge between Tupac and Biggie; however, this mainstream, far-from-edgy storm in a teacup pales in comparison to the biggest, baddest rap grudge in history. Check it. Read more Kanye/Cool J: Most Passive-Aggressive Rap Grudge in History

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Tailor Swift Not Bothered By Singer With Similar Name

Wyomissing, Pennsylvania – Professional Tailor, Bill Swift, Owner and Operator of Tailor Swift’s House of Threds, has been an expert at altering clothing since his shop first opened in June of 1979 on the corner of Reading Boulevard and Clayton Avenue in downtown Wyomissing.

Known to the locals as Tailor Swift, he has pleased thousands of customers with his precise and cost efficient tailoring, relying only on word-of-mouth advertising to increase his customer base. Read more Tailor Swift Not Bothered By Singer With Similar Name

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GlossyNews Exclusive: Meghan Trainor Announces Remix … All About Lance Bass

Nantucket, Massachusetts – Just as she has done since age 11, Meghan Trainor has written and recorded a remix from her personal computer focusing on a new subject that she claims “will make boys and girls melt like warm garlic butter.”

The song utilizes the same rhythm and beat as her most popular song, All About That Bass, except that the new version features her favorite boy-band singer, NSYNC’S Lance Bass.

“We are excited that Meghan has decided to release this remix and we look forward to the song increasing her fan base as well as her downloads,” said Trainor’s Agent, Deb Mosell of the Creative Artists Agency in Los Angeles, California. Read more GlossyNews Exclusive: Meghan Trainor Announces Remix … All About Lance Bass

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Belfast Residents Finally Break Silence on 12th of July Nick Minaj Insult

Belfast residents have finally made their feelings known (as people up North undoubtedly do best) regarding a little-known sectarian atrocity from the most recent 12th of July…

When a loyalist flute band surrounded a Catholic youth club and started playing Nicki Minaj (!)

An official apology stated:

It was not actually our intention™ to play that there song, but us can appreciate that the young people might’ee thought we did. Our original intention was to play Beyoncé’s “Crazy in Love,” because we wanted to make a good cross-community gesture™; I mean, everybody loves Beyoncé; that’s not a Prod or a Catholic thing, aye? Read more Belfast Residents Finally Break Silence on 12th of July Nick Minaj Insult

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