Now here’s a little legend about a party of wankers
Of humanitarian bombers and their Cayman bankers
It’s not a happy story so buckle up tightly
Or maybe belt up, if ye know what’s right for ye
It’s hard to know where to begin with this story
So many bad things to say, cos they all be fucking Tories
I suppose I’ll start with a tale straight from the heart
It begins with a love story with a pig called Mart
Mart was a happy piggie, frolicking in the mire
He was the jolliest greasy animal in the entire fuckin’ Shire
But one day they kidnapped him and took him up the bum
But who? Appaz it be me Piers Gaviston Club!
Mart wondered if he’d squeal to the British coppers
But they give zero fucks about the Bullingdon boppers
Maybe they’d bop him for being a snitch
What price a precious piggy? Well ain’t life a bitch!
They took him back home and the Merc was unloaded
Speaking of unloading, Martie grunts with foreboding
Dave was frustrated, maybe he’ll unload on him
Will Martie ever stretch to the princeling whim?
Dave gleamed with glee
Now one’s my jolly jolly pee-pee
Needs must explode in this piggie
For the Good of Humanity!
The national interest is calling thee darling,
Now be a good piggie and my pleasure disarming
Thee of all fell resistance and fear of my might
Will carry thee in rapture, sweetheart, all through the night!
They say bitches ain’t shit but hoes and tricks
But there’s even worse things, if you know where to prick
Look it’s little freshman Dave with his micro-dick
Working for the country, all banging on a little pig
Today they’re talkin’ bout the mark of the beast
Does it come from the East? Does it come from the East?
Maybe it’s Davie Scameron
With his nob up a pig-feast
Next time week I’m gonna bring you more of this story.
Nobody likes a smart-arse, but then again,
At least I’m not a fuckin’ Tory!
Originally published on: The Spoof.
This will be a songbook one day! In the meantime, check out Wallace Runnymede’s books; including ‘The Great Flâneur Narrative,’ where Klubber practically steals the show!
By Davidcameron.jpg: User:Land of Hope and Gloryderivative work: IgnisFatuus (Davidcameron.jpg) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons