Klubber Bonez Songbook: Blue Cockroach Blues

Now here’s a little legend about  a party of wankers

Of humanitarian bombers and their Cayman bankers

It’s not a happy story so buckle up tightly

Or maybe belt up, if ye know what’s right for ye


It’s hard to know where to begin with this story

So many bad things to say, cos they all be fucking Tories

I suppose I’ll start with a tale straight from the heart

It begins with a love story with a pig called Mart


Mart was a happy piggie, frolicking in the mire

He was the jolliest greasy animal in the entire fuckin’ Shire

But one day they kidnapped him  and took him up the bum

But who? Appaz it be me Piers Gaviston Club!


Mart wondered if he’d squeal to the British coppers

But they give zero fucks about the Bullingdon boppers

Maybe they’d bop him for being a snitch

What price a precious piggy?  Well ain’t life a bitch!


They took him back home and the Merc was unloaded

Speaking of unloading, Martie grunts with foreboding

Dave was frustrated, maybe he’ll  unload on him

Will Martie ever stretch to the princeling whim?


Dave gleamed with glee

Now one’s my jolly jolly pee-pee

Needs must explode in this piggie

For the Good of Humanity!


The national interest is calling thee darling,

Now be a good piggie and my pleasure disarming

Thee of all fell resistance and fear of my might

Will carry thee in rapture, sweetheart, all through the night!


They say bitches ain’t shit but hoes and tricks

But there’s even worse things, if you know where to prick

Look it’s little freshman Dave with his micro-dick

Working for the country, all banging on a little pig


Today they’re talkin’ bout the mark of the beast

Does it come from the East? Does it come from the East?

Maybe it’s Davie Scameron

With his nob up a pig-feast


Next time week I’m gonna bring you more of this story.

Nobody likes a smart-arse, but then again,

At least I’m not a fuckin’ Tory!


Originally published on: The Spoof.

This will be a songbook one day! In the meantime, check out Wallace Runnymede’s books; including ‘The Great Flâneur Narrative,’ where Klubber practically steals the show!

Image attribution:
By Davidcameron.jpg: User:Land of Hope and Gloryderivative work: IgnisFatuus (Davidcameron.jpg) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons


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