Author: Jason Velez
High Unemployment Rate Leads to Rise in Suckers
Wash. D.C.- At the Bureau of Labor Statistics, economists announced the unemployment rate had not changed in any significant way, there was one sector of the economy that had grown unexpectedly. “Scams are in,” says notable economist Tim Kane. “Although…
Post-season Baseball Starts, If Any One Even Cares
Somewhere- The baseball post season is starting despite weak attendance and poor ratings. Team owners and players insist people still care, even with the lack of attention. Some teams are playing in some places for the World Series. Recently, Major…
Republicans Unveil New List of Things to Blame on Obama
Tampa, Florida – Wrapping up their convention, the GOP unveils their augmented strategy to win against the Democrats in November. The old tactic of blaming things on President Obama seemed to have worked out in the Republican Party’s favor, but…
Democratic National Convention to Premiere Joe Biden Reality TV Show
Charlotte, North Carolina – A week before the Democratic National Convention is scheduled to start, leaked sources indicated that the convention will feature a premiere of Joe Biden’s new reality TV show, Joe the Vice President. It aims to be…
Romney and Ryan to Hold “Who’s Wife is Hotter” Rally
Myrtle Beach, South Carolina – Attempting to appeal to the conservative base, the Romney-Ryan campaign is holding a “Who’s Wife is Hotter” contest at a Hooters located in Myrtle Beach. This new tactic comes after an influx of criticism, aimed…
History’s Largest Manhunt Over, Waldo Dead
Aden- The largest manhunt in the war on terror finally comes to a close. Waldo, a.k.a. Wally, Veli, or Al’ Shabaz Mussa Shadif was an American citizen who notably sympathized with Al Quaeda insurgency groups and became an intellectual leader…
Paul Ryan Something of An O.G.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin- Recently, news surfaced that Paul Ryan’s college sweet heart was black, but what media outlets don’t know is that Paul Ryan was O.G. The term, O.G., is an abbreviation for original gangster, a term used by hip hop…
Hurricane Isaac, New Orleans Mulligan
New Orleans, Louisiana- As New Orleans prepares to be hit by another potentially devastating hurricane, New Orleans officials hit the airwaves proving how they will not screw this one up. New Orleans Mayor, Mitch Landrieu stated in a press conference…
Supreme Court Protects Corporations’ Right to Bear Arms
Washington D.C. – Today the Supreme Court upheld Corporations’ Second Amendment Rights. This decision comes in the wake of the much controversial decision, FEC v. Citizens United, where the Court upheld corporations First Amendment rights to free speech by striking…
NASA Launches Mission to Find Intelligent Life on Earth
Cape Canaveral, Fla.- After the recent success and attention garnered from the mars rover, Curiosity, NASA launched a probe to Earth with the intent to discover if intelligent life does exist, or has ever existed on the planet. Many controversial…