Categorized | Politics

Paul Ryan Something of An O.G.

Paul Ryan Something of An O.G.

Milwaukee, Wisconsin- Recently, news surfaced that Paul Ryan’s college sweet heart was black, but what media outlets don’t know is that Paul Ryan was O.G.

The term, O.G., is an abbreviation for original gangster, a term used by hip hop artists to denote their long standing stature within the urban counter culture.

Ryan stated in an interview, “Yeah, My girlfriend all through out college was black.” He added, “What I don’t think people realize about me is just how gangster I really was.

RIGHT: Is Paul Ryan an O.G. original gansta? (CLICK TO ENLARGE)

“I think if the American public knew just how O.G. I was, they’d realize I have way more street cred than Obama.”

Ryan went on to say how the hip hop culture of the late eighties and early nineties had truly shaped his philosophical view of the world.

Ryan’s first brush with the hip hop lifestyle came in the form of a house party. While narrowly escaping multiple altercations with the school bully Stab, and his brothers, Ryan attended a house party with comical consequences.

Fortunately enough for Ryan, in several instances through out the ordeal, was able to deflect potentially violent situations by free style battling. Most notably once at the house party before Stab was apprehended by local law enforcement, and again, when Ryan found himself in a jail cell later that night with his friends Bilal and Play.

Hubcap, one of Paul Ryan’s early college associates, recounts “Ryan could be seen around campus singing along to his favorite songs by such notable artists as N.W.A., L.L. Cool Jay, Ice T, and his favorite artist, Slick Rick. Although Ryan passionately sang along with these songs, he purposefully left out choice expletives, to show respect to the community. You could tell he loved the scene and loved the people. He was an uplifting member of the community.”

Ryan’s first brush with politics came when he had to save a local community center from destruction. Ryan, along with friends Turbo and Ozone, had to use their break dancing skills to prevent a development firm from demolishing the recreation center. It was this instance that showed Ryan his political path.

Then, a major of African-American Studies at Miami University in Oxford, Ohio, Ryan switched concentration to Economics and Political Science. Ryan then began reading the works of Ayn Rand and Milton Friedman. Once Ryan had broken up with his college sweetheart, he began dating a white woman, became a member of the College Republicans, campaigned for John Boehner, and switched fraternities from Alpha Phi Alpha to Delta Tau Delta.

“It was a real wake up call to find out that I sympathized more with the developers than I did with the individuals running the community center. I still keep my roots though. I have love for the streets and I keeps it real,” stated Ryan as he pounded his fist to his chest.

Paul Ryan can be seen randomly through out the city of Milwaukee with a cardboard platform and boom box. While dancing in gold chains, sunglasses, and parachute pants, Ryan can be heard saying “Check out them B-boy abs baby,” while his shirt exposes his midsection.

Mitt Romney Campaign manager Matt Rhodes said, “We ultimately picked Paul Ryan over Condoleezza Rice because we wanted to reach out to the African American community. Quite frankly, Paul Ryan is far more capable of energizing the African American vote than former Secretary Rice. I mean, have you seen his moves?”

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This post was written by

- who has written 44 posts on GlossyNews.com.

I'm a stand-up comedian, author of "The Alphabet of Everything I Hate," an artist of sorts, and a rouge writer who's got a weird thing for oxford commas... like, really weird. Like three x's weird. Follow me @velezerraptor on twitter

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2 Responses to “Paul Ryan Something of An O.G.”

  1. Sheree says:

    Now, if only the video would surface …..

  2. Beckket says:

    How’d yah think he got that six pack? ….breakdancing nn probs beating Iil boys

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