Author: Laurence Brown
Resilient Christmas Claims Victory in War on Christmas
NORTH POLE – Christmas – the holiday widely regarded as the most wonderful time of the year – today claimed victory in the War on Christmas, after enemy combatants and political correctness brigades surrendered in the early hours of the…
Mean Colts Getting Fans’ Hopes Up Again
INDIANAPOLIS – In what was arguably designed as a mean prank yesterday, the Indianapolis Colts conspired to build up the hopes of millions of Hoosiers by recording their first victory of the season against the Tennessee Titans. Avoiding a 14th…
Indianapolis Convention & Visitors Association Video Ties Indianapolis Colts
A music video that was produced by the Indianapolis Convention and Visitors Association, lost on Tuesday, November 29, officially tying the Indianapolis Colts’ current season record of no wins, all losses. The video, entitled “Indy Super Bowl Shuffle,” parodies a…
Economic Struggle Forces Mary, Joseph to Merge Christ’s B-day, Christmas Presents Into One
BETHLEHEM – Citing financial hardship amid the ongoing global economic downturn, Mary and Joseph – the parents of Jesus Christ – have conceded that they will have to merge their only son’s birthday and Christmas presents into one. After years…
West Nile Death Toll Rises to 4,028 Mosquitoes
DRUID HILLS, GEORGIA – The latest report released by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has found that the death toll in the recent spread of West Nile’s disease has increased to more than 4,000 mosquitoes. More than half…
Center of Universe Needs Diaper Changing
INDIANAPOLIS – The center of local couple Jeff and Angela Paulson’s universe needed its diaper changing Saturday, after defecating all over its Pampers slip-on. Even though it is routinely described as the “greatest thing in the world”, the multicellular organism…
Local Man Pretty Sure He Has Seen Character Actor in Other Things
INDIANAPOLIS – Sitting down to watch the 2009 film The Young Victoria with his wife Angela, local man Andrew Collins insisted that he definitely recognizes that one character actor from somewhere, but where? Not quite able to place where in…
Common Sense Files to Secede from The Union
WASHINGTON D.C. – Following a number of high profile lapses in ordinary, rational behavior across the country in recent months, “common sense” put forward a petition Friday to secede from the United States. Filing its petition on the White House’s…
Crash Kills IndyCar Racer, Leaves Car in Critical Condition
LAS VEGAS – The world of racing is left to reflect after a multiple-car crash in Las Vegas killed famed driver Dan Wheldon and left his racing vehicle in a “serious condition.” In one that was called the most tragic…
That One Friend Bores You with All The Details Regardless
INDIANAPOLIS – Describing a mildly amusing incident that occurred during a recent visit to the mall Monday, that one friend of yours who is perfectly nice but won’t ever shut up, proceeded to bore you with all of the details…