INDIANAPOLIS – Describing a mildly amusing incident that occurred during a recent visit to the mall Monday, that one friend of yours who is perfectly nice but won’t ever shut up, proceeded to bore you with all of the details nonetheless.
Though your friend stated in seemingly clear terms that you would be spared the finer points of the incident, the socially-maladjusted individual nonetheless outlined the names of all the people involved, what they were wearing, and exactly what times each and every step of the incident took place.
“Look, I don’t want to chew your ear off or anything,” insisted the friend. “But you wouldn’t believe what happened to me while I was buying some books from Barnes and Noble.”
Despite your seeming desire to head off in the opposite direction, your friend continued to layout the otherwise inconsequential anecdote as if it were the craziest thing that had ever happened.
“So, Millie Goodrich – you know Millie, right? – well, she was in Barnes and Noble at the exact time I was – which was about 11:35. Oh wait, no, it would have been 11:45, because I had to stop off at Starbucks to get an iced white mocha. Or did I just have a hot chocolate? I don’t remember. Anyway, she made her way over to the counter, just buying her magazines as she likes to do, when she looked at me and said “don’t I know you?”. Now, keep in mind that this is the same woman who used to serve me chicken dippers at Dave’s Super Chicken before it closed down. You remember Dave’s Super Chicken, don’t you?”
Barely giving you chance to get a word in edgewise, your friend furthered the relatively mundane topic by reminding you that the “number 8 bus is currently out of service, which is a real pain in the ass, since my car is broken down at the moment and oh, hey, have you seen that new James Bond film yet? I hear it’s not all that good, but anyway, I don’t want to keep you from what you were doing? You want to go and grab a coffee?”
Though, by now, you had resorted to reading pretend text messages on your phone, the friend still somehow found it within their being to ask you what great plans you have lined up for Thanksgiving.
“I already know my plans,” the nauseating individual continued, “I’ll probably eat at home all by myself again, just like last year. Unless, you wouldn’t happen to have room around your family table for little old me, would you?”