Search Results for: satan
Satan Buys Pardon from Trump for $8bn
In a ‘not very surprising’ move it was revealed today that outgoing president and all-round shithouse Donald Trump has agreed to issue the devil with a presidential pardon. The full and complete pardon will be rushed through ahead of Trump’s…
PLAY IT BACKWARDS, DAMMIT! Fans Find HORRIFYING Satanic Messages in Paula White’s Prayers!
Part time heavily closeted Satanist and full time not so closeted Satanic loon Paula White-CAIN has recently addressed the Prosperity Gospel Annual Convention at Gilman Hot Springs, California. Offering up prayers to the self-appointed King of Kings and Lord of…
CIA Satanic Hymnbook Leak (XI): My Government, My Saviour
My Government, My Saviour, All I have belongs to you! All of your drones, soar o’er the bones, The children you have set on fire
CIA Hymnbook (VI): Satanic Psalm 23 (The Government’s my Saviour)
1 The government’s my saviour; I shall not dissent. 2 He telleth me lies of great imposture; he swiftly stealeth from me, yet still he launders.
Satanist Claims Satanist Not A Satanist
Lucien Graves, spokesperson and Grand Goat Master for the Horned and Cloven Hoofed Tabernacle went on record yesterday claiming accused “Craigslist Dexter Killer” Miranda Morgan was just a cheap poser and a hack. Morgan was arrested Monday in the killing…
Mass Murderer Calls Republicans Soft on Satanic Values
Dateline: LOS ANGELES—In a documentary about the life of the infamous anarchist and sadistic mass murder, Max Truculence, Mr. Truculence criticizes American conservatives for being “soft-hearted, effeminate phonies.” He spoke from prison, since he’s currently serving a thousand year sentence…
Dorner’s Body Identified, Satan Up One
The burned body of fugitive Christopher Dorner was identified late this afternoon as the charred remains that were pulled from the burned cabin in which police believed they had him surrounded on Tuesday afternoon. While the method of identification has…
Trump Killed By Mob; Resurrected By Satan
Enraged at Donald Trump’s failed political career, scores of angry investors screwed out of millions in campaign dollars converged on Trump’s limo outside a district court, pulled him from the vehicle and strangled him to death with his own comb-over.
Local Woman Saves Planet by Allowing Satan to Dwell in Her Abscessed Tooth
“The pain, Thweet Jethuth the pain,” yelled Cloris Zucker as the dentist poked around in her mouth trying to find the source of her discomfort. He started out innocently enough, beginning on the left side and working his way over…
Satan Tired of Being Blamed for Internet Porn-Related Scandals
Word has it that old Beelzebub is furious these days over being blamed for everything from pictures of Lindsay Lohan’s hoohah to Anthony Weiner’s bulging BVD’s. He claims that he’s tired of being a catchall for mankind’s failure to control…