Month: October 2013
Romney Legacy: Vowed to Build an America That People Can Be Leaving
CONCORD, NH – Following a series of primary victories Tuesday, presumptive Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney has vowed to build an America that voters from across the entire nation can truly be leaving. Winning a significant number of delegates in…
Study: Gun Advocates Commonly Cowards?
A recent study conducted by the NRA surprisingly finds instances of gun ownership are tied directly to those prone to acts of cowardice. The study surveyed 924 gun owners and asked them a variety of questions, and included 323 non-gun…
Couple Chooses to Abstain from Postmarital Sex
INDIANAPOLIS – Citing individual beliefs, core moral values and a mutual feeling of resentment toward the other person, Meredith and Anthony Boyer have pledged to experiment with the idea of abstaining from all forms of sexual activity now that they…
Bill Maher to Debut “Overtime After Dark” Post-Post Show in 2014
HBO has enjoyed tremendous success with Bill Maher in their weekly late night slot, and even greater success in the web-only segment of the show “Overtime”, but now they’re taking it to the next level with “Overtime After Dark,” set…
British Prime Minister Apparently Not Tony Blair Anymore, Nation Finds
WASHINGTON D.C. – During a joint televised address designed to highlight the special relationship between the United States and Great Britain Wednesday, it was revealed to the American public that the Prime Minister of The United Kingdom is not, in…
Study: Illegal Gun Owners Have Larger Genitalia
In a recent study published jointly by the NAACP and the NCAA, it has been found that those possessing firearms illegally have a penis, on average, three inches longer. “It’s true,” said Rebecca Haywood, spokeswoman and study researcher. “I’ve seen…
Breaking – Heofon: A New Non-Secular World On The Horizon?
Topeka, KS, USA—During a special televised press briefing simulcast on FOX news and CBN this past Tuesday, a small group of faith-based engineers and Liberty University geologists, along with biologists working out of Central Christian College, as well as home-schooled…
Walmart Discontinues Slim, Regular Cuts in Favor of Husky Sizes
Walmart, the undisputed reigning purveyor of plus-sized clothes in America at any price, has announced this week that they will discontinue sales of “slim” and “regular” cuts in favor of an all-husky line of clothing. “It just makes sense,” says…
GOP Right, We Do Need to Slash Military, Raise Taxes
As the Republican shutdown enters its 11th day, the GOP has failed to waiver from their insincere talking points about fiscal responsibility. But they’re right. We have to cut the deficit and reduce the debt, and the best way to…
An Open Letter to Al Queda and its Branch Affiliates
Good day, guys. How is it going? Blow up anything fun today? Shoot your quota of infidels yet? OK, sorry you’re having a bad day. Just a few questions I wanted to ask you guys. (I am assuming you are…