Couple Chooses to Abstain from Postmarital Sex

INDIANAPOLIS – Citing individual beliefs, core moral values and a mutual feeling of resentment toward the other person, Meredith and Anthony Boyer have pledged to experiment with the idea of abstaining from all forms of sexual activity now that they are married.

Mrs Boyer, who married her then fiance just three months after the two were first acquainted in 2008, says that the idea of having sex with someone to whom she is adjoined in Holy matrimony is “just not natural.”

“It would go against everything I have learned to believe as an adult,” said the 26-year-old accounts coordinator from Indianapolis. “While I truly believe that sex should be practiced between two people during the dating phase, making love to a husband with whom you have increasingly little in common is just wrong and disturbing.”

“I ward off temptation by watching TV.”

For his part, Mr Boyer believes that sex should only be practiced for the purposes of recreation and is “not – in any way – compatible with the married lifestyle.”

“When I first met Meredith I knew that she was the only person I ever wanted to marry and ultimately stop having sex with. Now that I’m 28, the idea of making crazy, passionate love to my wife doesn’t even register as a thought in my head.”

“And on the rare occasion that it does, I quickly banish it by thinking about a report that’s due the next morning or a meeting that took place earlier today. Anything to cast off the uncomfortable thought of my wife putting her hand down my pants.”

Due to self imposed restrictions, meanwhile, the Boyers have even opted to refrain from sharing the same sleeping space, with the couple agreeing “that it might be for the best if Anthony sleep on the sofa downstairs.”

Author: Laurence Brown

Laurence Brown is an award-winning comedic journalist based in Indianapolis, Indiana, who has edited several satirical news papers since 1999. Hailing from the United Kingdom, he has also written plays and short stories. He has a bachelor's degree in English and Creative Writing from Lancaster University. This article was originally published by The Indy Tribune.